To ask parents

[peonylane]

I was having a discussion with a friend last night who is asking her parents for help with a deposit for a house. She asking for approx £25k. They also look after her child 3 days a week, which of course saves her a considerable amount money.
It got me thinking about how many people actually receive help of this scale from their parents.
I'm interested to hear how your parents have helped you financially and also with child care etc.

Nothing from my parents at all, we actually support MIL monthly too (but can afford to).

My father was dying when the my children were small, so my mum only helped occasionally and none of them live nearby. My MIL is useless with the children, so she didn't help either.
But, I did have paid help with the children when they were tiny.

All the money we have DH or I earned and neither of us were well off as children.

We will help my DDs with house deposit when the time comes. We can afford it, and they won't have much earning power. That's one of the things we save our money for. My DPs did the same for myself and DB.

Less likely to help with regular childcare (but would with random and emergency). By the time DD2 is off my hands I don't think I'd have the desire or energy for full days with toddlers.

Not at all financially or with childcare, they don't have it to give. We're trying to save whilst also paying for childcare, we'll get there! I'd love to be able to help my kids financially when they're adults though, in fact it's one of my main priorities!

You've never heard of the 'bank of mom and dad'? Theres always something about it in the property sections of newspapers, plus when talking about university fees/living expenses.
My own parents helped me with the deposit for my first flat (back in the 80s - I think about £10k). No help with child care as they didn't live near enough plus were well into their 70s. Same with in laws.
I will help my children too with deposits when the time comes.

My parents gave me 7k when I bought my first house, that was 21 years ago though, so not sure what value that would have these days. They didn't help with child care back then as they both worked full time. Once my Mum retired she looked after my youngest in the summer holidays on average 1 day a week, which was a massive help.

I save money specifically to be able to help my kids out when they need it but as I have 3 it won't run to anything like 25k each.

I have a friend who's in laws have given them a huge amount of money over the years - but they have it to give so why not?

We paid the deposits for both DCs. Less for the government to steal for our elderly care.

We were given a loan of £5k for our first home because we were struggling to save up a deposit on top of renting. We paid it back monthly over 18months.

Other than that nothing. We'll have to pay for all our childcare because we live in a completely different city to our parents.

We're in a much better position than our parents were at our age so hopefully we'll be able to help our children when they're older/ if they need it.

My parents don’t help me with money unless it’s desperate and I can’t feed the kids. They only help with childcare when 1DC has a club that means I need to hang around and wait, and the others will get bored. That’s usually about 1 hour a week

Not a penny and my parents are extremely wealthy. Think £1.5M house, lots of investments, 6 or 7 rental properties. Luckily we don’t need it and I guess it will come our way when they are gone.

We saved 35k and we received 10k each from both sets of parents to help buy the house we're in. They were only willing to give us money when they had seen we had saved a considerable amount ourselves.

They do not help out with my 1 year old though - we pay for childcare although they could as retired.

We have had financial support from my parents in the past - they are comfortably off (currently on their third holiday of the year...) and they don't see the point of sitting on a pile of cash that could be used to, eg, help my DBro and I get on the property ladder. They are financially savvy and part of it is inheritance planning too. I hope, when the time comes, I will be able to do the same for my children. Money is one thing - I am, it goes without saying, incredibly appreciative and grateful - but I wouldn't dream of asking them for a regular commitment of their time for childcare. They deserve the freedom to enjoy their lives now!

I was on a full grant for uni (back when that was nearly enough to scrape by) and borrowed money from the bank to cover the shortfall. I probably got about 400 a year from my parents on top, but I was mainly funded by the state.

We borrowed a deposit from my PiL. (5K, but it was decades ago!) which we paid back over 5 years.

Once we had kids PiL babysat once a fortnight for years so we could go out, didn't really save us much money as such, we just wouldn't have gone out if they hadn't offered. If we'd lived closer I think they would have been happy to babysit more, they provided a lot of childcare for SiL.

After uni my mother became disabled and was no longer capable of providing any assistance. My father gave us 5K, a few years after buying the house, when we got married (again, decades ago!). But other than that, he doesn't help out at all (and we've never lived close).

If I was growing up today, I don't think I could have gone to the uni I did and I don't think my PiL would have been able to lend us enough for a deposit on a house where we were living. So I'm not sure how useful that is in thinking about how much parents help out. I got through what are traditionally some of the poorer years in much cheaper times so it was easier for parents to have a bigger impact.

We’ve never asked but they offered a large lump sum our house deposit.

No help from my parents.. His parents borrowed us money but we will pay them back.

Was given £20k towards the house and both my parents and ILs do weekly childcare.

Never had any financial help from my well off parents, they did pay for my first wedding in 1997. I left home at 18 and was a student nurse (we were paid in those days) I have been financially independent ever since.
My parents looked after my DD for 2 days a week when I went back to work in 2006 but I became a SAHM after DS was born in 2007 due to his special needs. My parents have always babysat for us and we moved to a house a two-minute walk from them in 2009 for mutual support - my father has multiple health issues.

I support them when needed and they are there for us, they do school pick up if needed and my eldest has two homes, she comes and goes between the two.

We were incredibly lucky and were given about £40 k between both sets of parents. Plus my in- laws had my DD one day a week when she was tiny, then helped with all school pick- ups, when I was at work. My parents are too old to help but my in- laws still help whenever they can.
I will be working until I am about 100 at this rate- and May be able to bring my DD a few grand here and there if possible.

It depends on the parents income as well as their attitude. We were very poor when our children were primary age, but then my husband got a very good job. When I went to work, when they were at senior school, I worked in finance. We were able to take advantage of good investment returns and high interest rates at a time when our mortgage had been paid off.

We live very modestly and both feel that we were very fortunate in the timing of our investments and both have final salary pension schemes.
Things are so different for my children and we wanted them to have the money when their children were young. I received a very large inheritance a few years ago . I have no need of this money so shared it between them.

We have helped them all with house deposits and home improvements as well as childcare . We feel it is a privilege for us to be able to help them in this way. They are all hardworking loyal people who are our friends as well as our offspring. They have never asked for money and would be surprised if they knew how much we have accumulated.

I have some very wealthy friends and family, who have acquired their money in a similar way. None of them help their families as they feel ‘Nobody helped them’. They are now looking at ways to avoid care home fees and inheritance tax.

We are reasonably well-off about-to-retire parents (small house, small car, but a decent pile from investments). We would much rather pay a big deposit for our DCs' houses/flats, plus put some money aside to take care of a few mortgage payments in case of a rainy day, than piss it up the wall on a big-budget wedding. The DCs will inherit our dosh when they are 50 anyway, but we don't see the point in us sitting on it until then while they (and possible grandkids) live in a less nice place than they could. It's harder if parents have most of their wealth in the form of a big house, but it pains us to see friends in their 60s rattling around in 4-bed places just due to inertia, when they could free up a lot of cash, save expenses, give their kids a leg up, and still have money left over for a trip to New Zealand.

Nothing for my first flat. Sister and I were thrown out together (alcoholic Mum) at age 20+21with no money so had to get 100% mortgage (no money for rent deposit) My Dad bought me a fridge.

Once married Mil+Pil gave us some money (2k) to help with moving expenses on our first marital home.

I have told my adult dcs there will be no contribution to a wedding..if they want to waste thousands on a party, that's up to them.
They will get a contribution towards a house deposit.

My mum gave me 6 grand to clear a loan so me and DP could get a mortgage, honestly the best thing she could of gave me as I was very unhappy where I was living. My partners grandparents gave him 20 grand for a deposit and his mum gave 1,500 towards cost of doing up the place. My mum also had my son every single weekend so I could work. We were incredibly lucky.

I think people that expect help from their parents are very entitled. Same with expecting an inheritance. Sure if their parents are well off and offer to help, but expecting them to, nah. Those types of people probably have no idea about the value of money or hard work, or indeed money management.

When we bought our first place I borrowed £20k from my mum and sister (think 8 from mum, 12 from sister) and in laws gave us £12k. We paid back my mum and sister within 9 months and paid £2k to in laws before they decided the rest was a gift (they’d put my SIL through uni and my husband didn’t go).

We didn’t actually ask for any of this help, but the mortgage company reduced our offer at the 11th hour and we were going to lose the house so family very kindly stepped in. We’ve lent thousands (all paid back) to family before and since though so I didn’t feel bad about it at the time.

I’m due to give birth on Friday and my mum is offering one day a week childcare too. Her mum had me all week so she could work but I wouldn’t expect that commitment...1 day a week will save us thousands a year!!

No financial or childcare help. It does seem to be the norm though. Most of our friends have help from their parents with weddings, deposits, childcare, things for their children (buying the pram or nursery furniture seems quite common) and so on. I’m definitely jealous!