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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have stayed in bed and made DH take DC to school?

47 replies

FfedForLife · 10/02/2020 15:04

DH is currently signed off work sick due to a minor injury which means he can’t drive or carry out his job safely. The injury doesn’t affect his legs and he is in no pain anymore. It is just a question of allowing it to heal before he uses it again. I’m a SAHM.

I came down with a horrible viral illness on Friday evening and have suffered over the weekend although still did washing and cleaning and cooking. Yesterday I even went to the supermarket and felt like I was going to collapse due to dizziness a few times so this morning when I woke without much improvement I asked DH to get up and get DC ready and take them to school. He was not happy at all and I’ve had the silent treacle day Hmm.

It’s a significant birthday tomorrow for another of our DC and I planned to get some extra items over the weekend but obviously didn’t. I was going to go out this afternoon myself but felt so bad that I told DH I’d drive him into town and stay in car while he popped into the shopping mall and got the stuff. Cue a row about how I’d left it til the last minute and it wasn’t his problem Shock. This is despite him spending 3 hours in the gym on Saturday and not bothering to pop into town (2mins from gym) afterwards.

I’ve put up with this type of apathy and your deal with it’ for years and this is the final straw.

AIBU?

OP posts:
KellyHall · 10/02/2020 15:08

Before I'd even read your post, I'd have said YANBU. Everyone in a household should share responsibilities.

Now I've read it, I think so even more. He sounds like he's being a prick. Why is it so many dads think they always have the choice to do fuck all for their families? It really gets on my tits!

Blackandgreenteas · 10/02/2020 15:10

He sounds awful! Why is his time all his own, but you have to soldier on even when really sick? Why didn’t he do the shopping on the weekend?

PinkiOcelot · 10/02/2020 15:13

He sounds like an arse!

IDontDrinkTea · 10/02/2020 15:15

LTB

ItWillBeBetterinAugust · 10/02/2020 15:19

YANBU

Time to start job hunting and split domestic stuff 50/50, whether he wants you to or not.

You'll then be in a better position to LTB If he's still an arsehole who thinks his children aren't his responsibility.

LuckyAmy1986 · 10/02/2020 15:21

Why didn’t he do all the cooking etc over the weekend to give you a rest??? Or can he not with his injury?

Crunchymum · 10/02/2020 15:22

The fact you even have to ask is telling.

You are ill, he is not ill. Yes he is off sick but he is fine at the moment.

Silent treatment is just fucking rude as well.

I assume this is just the tip of the iceberg?

LaPoesieEstDansLaRue · 10/02/2020 15:22

100% YANBU. I'd be hurt and furious if my DP acted like this.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 10/02/2020 15:24

Cue a row about how I’d left it til the last minute and it wasn’t his problem

So it was oy YOU who left it until the last minute. Does he not realise how fucked up that way of thinking is?

SueEllenMishke · 10/02/2020 15:25

Yet another man who believes SAHM means personal housekeeper. So he gets hours in the gym.....bet you don't get that amount of time to yourself.
I would be furious. Time he started stepping up to his responsibility.

Itslookinglikeabeautifulday · 10/02/2020 15:26

Yep, I know exactly where you’re coming from OP, having been stuck down by some flu-like thing recently and just been left to get on with the usual shopping/cooking and even dragged myself from bed to take DD to a concert the other weekend as DS basically didn’t want to so she wouldn’t have gone otherwise and £140 tickets would have gone to waste. I’m still fuming about it all.

Your DH hadn’t even thought about the birthday preparations, let alone “left it till the last minute”. He obviously considers that his time off sick is ring-fenced. Yours isn’t. I’d be mightily peeved with him.

AryaStarkWolf · 10/02/2020 15:29

what a cunt, he doesn't sound like he cares about you at all. I mean you were stick and he just watched cook and clean yesterday? what a prick

Billyeyelash · 10/02/2020 15:29

He's being an arse.
I hope he gives his head a good old wobble and starts acting like an equal.

And I love the thought of silent treacle.

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/02/2020 15:30

Three hours in the gym and he can't walk the kids to school without complaining? Wanker.

Pennylane22 · 10/02/2020 15:34

My DH has smashed his elbow and is in a cast from wrist to shoulder. He still insisted on one handedly lighting our fire and putting some food in the oven while I had a bath as I was cold and feeling a bit unwell. If your DH is still going to the gym he is obviously fine and should be doing all chores while you are genuinely unwell. I wouldn’t put up with it.

Billyeyelash · 10/02/2020 15:39

Tell its physio for him...
And I hope you feel better soon.

CakeandCustard28 · 10/02/2020 15:40

He’s being a lazy prick. Tell him to help you, you are NOT his mother and he’s treating you like you are. He’s a grown arse man, nothing more unattractive than laziness. YANBU.

willowmelangell · 10/02/2020 15:41

Have I read this right. He has been to the gym but is incapable of picking up a basket of items from the supermarket for his child?

Well, you now know your place, in his mind.
I don't know how I would get back from this.

caringcarer · 10/02/2020 15:49

He sounds most unsupportive of you OP. When you are unwell and he is fine he should be doing all of the cooking, cleaning and looking after the kids if not at work to allow you to get better. He should also bring you lots of drinks and let you sleep to get better quicker. You are not his slave you are his partner and he should cherish you. I would be reminding him of that.

Original poster
FfedForLife · 10/02/2020 15:53

It is the tip of the iceberg sadly. He thinks that as he’s signed off work, he shouldn’t have to do anything at home either. Not that he does anything on his days off.

I was kind of forced into being a SAHM because he wouldn’t be a SAHD despite me being the higher earner with more future earning potential. His job is also very unsociable hours which has had a big impact on family life Angry.

He’s actually said me getting flu is ‘self inflicted’! His injury is from playing basketball and was an ‘accident’.

Damn right he’s a c**t!

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 10/02/2020 15:56

Go back to work, pay for childcare and dump his selfish arse.

TheReef · 10/02/2020 15:59

Go back to work, pay for childcare and dump his selfish arse

This!

PersephoneandHades · 10/02/2020 16:03

Oh OP your latest update is awful... that's marital abuse of some kind

SueEllenMishke · 10/02/2020 16:08

It sounds like you're married to my ex....right down to the hours spent at the gym and playing basketball.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 10/02/2020 16:10

Leave this fucker. Go get your career back (obviously when you feel ready) you will be better off without him.