To have stayed in bed and made DH take DC to school?

[FfedForLife]

DH is currently signed off work sick due to a minor injury which means he can’t drive or carry out his job safely. The injury doesn’t affect his legs and he is in no pain anymore. It is just a question of allowing it to heal before he uses it again. I’m a SAHM.

I came down with a horrible viral illness on Friday evening and have suffered over the weekend although still did washing and cleaning and cooking. Yesterday I even went to the supermarket and felt like I was going to collapse due to dizziness a few times so this morning when I woke without much improvement I asked DH to get up and get DC ready and take them to school. He was not happy at all and I’ve had the silent treacle day .

It’s a significant birthday tomorrow for another of our DC and I planned to get some extra items over the weekend but obviously didn’t. I was going to go out this afternoon myself but felt so bad that I told DH I’d drive him into town and stay in car while he popped into the shopping mall and got the stuff. Cue a row about how I’d left it til the last minute and it wasn’t his problem . This is despite him spending 3 hours in the gym on Saturday and not bothering to pop into town (2mins from gym) afterwards.

I’ve put up with this type of apathy and your deal with it’ for years and this is the final straw.

AIBU?

Sounds like he is making your life worse, not better.

Free yourself from all his shit for a bit.

When my job got busy, I realised I'd had enough of laundry (he'd put stuff in the washer, but then just leave it sitting screwed up in the basket and never put it away - we don't iron anything anyway) so I found a laundry service. I don't do anything than open a bag and put the kids and my stuff away now (OK, I remind him to put his laundry into a bag for the service - I'm not completely heartless). I stopped doing any admin for his car (road tax/insurance/servicing). I disappear at bedtime, just like he does in the morning, I stopped doing anything other than shoving his stuff to the end of the dining table to serve the kids their food etc. Which gives me just enough headspace to not go mad in my job.

Feed the kids takeaway/ready meals/batch cooked stuff a couple of times a week. Reduce packed lunches if you do them to something that takes less time to make. Stop picking up after him. Do for him, what he does for you/the children. Prioritise yourself and your kids so you have the mental room to get yourself back to work and have options, and the time to think about what you want to do.

Yanbu. Man child.

Wow, how you put up with this is beyond me.
Why, just WHY, would you put up with this turd of a man? WHY?

I don't think I've done many morning school runs in my life, even when I was a SAHM. I always made him do it before work. Excellent father/child bonding opportunity.

I suggest you do the same, or better yet, LTB.

Can you get another job, pronto?

Start looking for a good child minder.

Then LTB

I do this all the time!

DH either works away (80% of the time) or from home. My life while he works away is gruelling, relentless and stressful. I work FT, have a dog and the dc and I never ever sit down!

When he's home and working from home I don't get up with the dc and he does the morning madness.

Your dh sounds unpleasant and lazy. I think you need to have a proper conversation about how you see the situation changing.

He’s lazy and selfish. What did his last slave die of?! If he’s well enough to go to the gym for 3 hours, he’s well enough to do the school run and go to the supermarket

I'm so sad reading this, OP.
He's awful.

When you're well, start looking into options for being on your own.

Who spends 3 hours in the gym? Especially if you got kids

FfedForLife your update is shocking! What an utter despicable selfish ease of oxygen! It doesn't sound as if he's worth keeping around.

Get job hunting and plan his eviction!

Get well soon. Let 2020 be the year you lose 11 stone (or whatever) of nasty misogynistic bastard weight and get your life back.

Who spends 3 hours in the gym? Especially if you got kids

DP does. I don't mind exactly - it's great both for his physical and mental health. I understand that a person needs some time out from work and parenting, and when travelling you don't really get to do that exactly.

BUT. I expect the same consideration in return and whining and expecting me to do everything is not acceptable.

Silent treacle. Love it.

He sounds awful. Stop doing anything for him like PP's have said, and reassess everything.

You'd be better off without him. What a selfish arse.

I think maybe it’s time to think if you should get a job op. Your dcs are at school. This will give you the money to pay for people to do things for you.

It’s worrying now dads behave like this when asked to do things that all parents should do. I’m a stay at home parent too and my OH works full time. He does one of the school runs every day depending on his shift. This week it’s drop off and next week it’ll be pick ups. He enjoys it, the kids enjoy it and I get to avoid the playground drama.

He needs to help even more so when he’s ill. Would he do the school run given the chance if he wasn’t off sick?

He sounds incredibly self centred. Just because you are the stay at home parent doesn’t mean he doesn’t have responsibilities.

YANBU. Can you return to work? If so, get a job, get childcare and LTB. He sounds like a prized prick.

What Terry Pratchett said, in spades. OP Look after yourself and your children, let the overgrown selfish manchild look after himself.

Why do women martyr themselves for pricks like this?!

Go back to work. Use childcare. And leave the bastard.

He can go to the gym but can’t look after his family ? Says it all I’m afraid

That is horrible of him and mean spirited towards you.

There is no generosity of spirit at all, and generosity of spirit is crucial to make a marriage work.

In other words - love.

Wot Terrypratchett said.

Screw him. No, DON'T !!!!!

He sounds like a right tosser!