To be pissed off at my friend for disorganising my houseevery time she comes to stay?

[duchesse]

My friend and I have what I consider to be a mutually beneficial arrangement, whereby she comes to housesit our house and pets in the countryside for a couple of weeks at a time. She has a holiday away from the town, and we have relatively fuss free time away.

But every time she comes for a fortnight, it takes me another fortnight to restore the house to its usual level of organisation. I am not in any way anally tidy, but I do have certain things organised the way I like them. Like the kitchen and the airing cupboard. It takes three hours every time we get back to find everything in the kitchen and to put it back where it should go. There are cooking utensils in the cupboard with the plates, saucepans rammed any old how into the drawer so the drawer is virtually falling off its runners (there are only six of them and the all stack neatly three by three). All the cutlery is jumbled up, with things like tin openers in the with them instead of next to the stove. When we got back, there was a sheet on the table, and the tablecloths were all with the sheets, dotted all over the airing cupboard.

Her kids throw stones all over the lawn, break things willfully and leave sweets all over the house. I have to hide the sweet jar kept for rewards or difficult times, or they all disappear. Ditto any crisps or biscuits, which her children pinch without her knowledge.

I suspect I'm being a complete bitch about it, but this bugs me even more than the fact they left three days early, and we had to make remote alternative arrangements for the dog, chickens and guinea pigs. I think she is just a really really disorganised person, and tries very hard, but the overall effect is of a gremlin coming to stay. I rather like the old stick, but she drives me BONKERS!!!

Am I being unreasonable or not? I think I am.

Only read the OP, but I would rather put my dogs in a kennel than pay for the damage likely to be incurred by misbehaving children left to wander unsupervised in my home (it works cheaper, honest!)

I was going to say that as long as she kept to the agreement that you will need to be more forgiving about her organisation skills buyt if she left 3 days earlier than arranged she just had a holiday at your expense, she really didn't care to keep to her part of the deal.

LOL Bozza - my partner has an out of sight out of mind mentality too - drives me nuts - we're on a gradual reeducation programme though. He has now learnt about the pleasure and ease of having tidy, organised wardrobes

Wow- other people who just sweep stuff into random drawers! My mother has always done this. I think it could go a long way to explaining why at least one of my sisters and I have a slight "thing" about organising. We spent so many dreary hours sorting drawers full of "stuff" that patently did not belong together that we've gone funny. In my sister's case, it's bordering on OCD, whereas I am completely sane, obviously.

DH thinks he is tidier than me though.

I had a friend house-sit for me once. I'm not obsessively tidy (read quasi-chaotic) but I cleaned and tidied and before they came and made a list of what could be found where (and therefore where to put it back).

Came back after 2 weeks and found that my friend and her DH had reorganised my kitchen according to their logic, put all my books, CDs and DVDs in alphabetical order, been through our drawers and put dividers between socks and pants etc. They also put a lamp away in the cellar as it was apparently in the way and bought me a hideous venetian glass lampshade to replace the 50s original one we had in the hall.

Needless to say, they haven't been invited again.

PS. I also have all my wooden spoons in a pot, but only because they don't go in the dishwasher, so are washed up, put in the cutlery drainer and left there. Does that count as being organised?

Brangelina- I imagine that your friends thought they were being helpful, thinking htey had the moral high ground; or maybe just plain invasive. I think your post agrees neatly with mine, that one should not really reorganise someone else's living space without their permission (and who in their right mind lets Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen in?) as their systems work for them. I just don't want to have to spend half an hour looking for a ladle (back of the mixing bowl cupboard when we got back, alongside a plastic spatula and large carving knife).

I really just think that neither my friend nor my mother can help it. They just don't have tidy minds. Both are wonderfully creative people, whose creativity extends to tidying. ahem

Brangelina - I put my wooden spoons in the dishwasher - no problem.

I suppose actually I am not so much pissed off with my friend as frustrated with her. In all fairness, although it does take a fee hours to sort everything out again, I am very glad she comes (even if her sons (aged 13 and 9) do behave like little brats sometimes). I know they are very short of money and wouldn't be able to afford a holiday otherwise. I get to leave the animals in relative peace of mind knowing that the 14 year old daughter is in charge of them, and try not to get too het up about the rest (although my lemon tree nearly carked it is this time (tankful of tropical fish last time...) from lack of water.

All in all, it's a very good reciprocal arrangement. I am just frustrated that she can't seem to get organised. (That could well be me projecting my mother onto her.) But then, she has many many other wonderful qualities, not the smallest of which is her wonderful warmth and outgoingness (vs my cool and introversion).

Can you pay the cleaner extra to make sure the plants are taken care of and the like?

Or that she cleans harder when the friend's around?

Blimey Hurley - I don't think you can let that email go unanswered - I think just saying as unemotionally as possible what you have said here then adding that you are sorry that she and her DH are so angry and perhaps it would be wise for you not to stay there again as they found it such a problem.

random implimetns go into random drawers in my house and likewise pots, pans colanders, wooden spoons. Table cloths nestle quite happily with teh sheets and have even been known to make their way onto a bed from time to time.

I don't throw stones or pinch sweets though. How would I rank as a house-sitter?

Thank goodness they didn't find our "toys" (cannily hidden in DD's room) otherwise we might have found them arranged in height order...

Yes, these people think I'm chaotic but tbh they frighten me with their level of OCD. I thought my friend was bad, but have since discovered she's got worse since meeting her DH. Apparently every time he visits his sister he chucks out her chipped mugs and cleans her bathroom, and he's only there for a couple of hours! I wish I'd known this before inviting them, won't be doing it again and have warned all our mutual friends. The strange thing is, they prefer to house-sit because they reckon hotels are full of germs .

Better the germs you know than the germs you don't...

And I should add that we hid a fair few things this time, after discovering last time that her sons had spent their time stabbing toys in my son's room with his whittling knife (they are suburban kids, mine are country kids). We hid my son's clarinet and my youngest daughter's horn, both of which would cost a fortune to mend, and the aforementioned sweets (which my friend does not want her children to eat, I hasten to say- the boys pinch them).

hurly, your friend sounds truly neurotic. The sacastic tone of that email was intended to make you feel really really small, no holds barred there. Do you really still want her as a friend, much less housesittee?

Oh, and I realise that the stones on the lawn thing sounds pathetic, except that lawn is not mowed while we're away, and the grass quickly grows over them until we "find" them again with the mower...

expat- I think she already has quite a lot to do when they're around as my friend comes with another friend and her kids, or her sister's children. It's a big house. My lovely neighbour rescued the lemon tree after my friend went home, and says she would always come to water if we're away.

Duchesse

It sounds like you love your friend to bits and the arrangement suits you both on the whole. The house reorganisation you have to do is just the price you have to pay. Good idea to hide / lock away precious things though.

You sound like a lovely understanding friend to have!

We always ask someone to house sit when we go away as our cat wouldn't fare well in a cattery. We've had different friends each time. I always leave a list of how to work the d/w, w/m, when rubbish is collected, etc. and anything else that I think is important to the running of the house.

Then it's up to them to make themselves at home. They are always welcome to help themselves to any food/booze in the cupboards.

There are usually little niggles when we get back - the odd thing broken, and one friend smoked in the house (we are non-smokers). But I think you just have to accept this kind of thing and that people live differently to you. If you can't, then you probably shouldn't have a housesitter.

However I have houseworkia. My friends are probably glad to get back to their nice, organised homes!!

What is "anally tidy" please?

LOL what a mental picture i have of that

Was your mental picture then????

"anally tidy" is anyone who is tidier than me.

Nothing to do with colonic irrigation then?

okay kewCumber match this - my friend so so anally tidy that when i leave room to go to WC when i return she has plumped up chshion taken cup of tea i am drinking washed the cup put remaining tea in clean cup and had the hand hoover thingy out if i dared drop a mere morsel crumb

love her but hate going to visit - too stressful - now we meet in cafe/restuarant if i can swing it