Thoughts on husband meeting a woman directly after walking out.

[bigbluemug]

Is it bs?
Says he met her on a night out the eeekend after he told me that he didn't love me anymore and wanted out.
They are together six months now , still going strong.
Lies? I heard it on the street .

oh, that's total horseshit.
He had her lined up before he bailed.

I think you're still a bit too invested in him OP. I feel sorry for her. He doesn't exactly sound like a great catch. You have the better deal. You have higher standards now.

Hope he's paying you for petrol.

He sounds like a right catch!

I very much doubt you will ever find out the truth OP so i would just try and move on with the information you have already.

I would put a stop to ferrying the kids around in your car though. I would give him a months notice to sort himself out with transport. He needs to step up.

I left my husband and immediately started seeing someone else.
I 100% was not having an affair, not even an emotional affair when I left.
However, I knew that he liked me, and I liked him, so it was definitely something that was on the cards if I left my alcoholic husband.
I know plenty of people who assumed we had been sleeping with each other. They are wrong about that, but it would be fair to say that it was on the horizon.
However, I did not go behind my husbands back. I gave my him the option. Drinking or me. He chose drinking and I packed my bags and left.
If he had chosen me, I would have stayed, but tbh I was relieved he didn't

Interesting@hazell42 . I am
Now relieved that he is gone. He dragged me down and I felt
Like I was parenting an inept procrastinator manchild.
My children are happier, their relationship with their dad is happier.
I got close to a man at work years ago but once I realised he was filling a hole in my
Life, I quickly shut it down. There was no affair or anything . I just really liked him, he spoke to me, made me laugh and stimulated my mind.
At Least I now know what I need to make me happy if I do go down that road ever again.
My husband let us down so badly but it's the lies and the allowing me to believe that it was all my fault that hurts the most.
I see that he may have done me a favour . Fingers crossed anyway .

I met my DP just 6 weeks after he walked out on his marriage (which had been failing for years). Neither of us were looking for a relationship - after all he'd been through a relationship was the last thing he wanted - however we just got talking at an arts festival and hit it off straight away.

That was years ago now however we currently suffer a massive ongoing backlash from his ex wife as she's convinced our relationship started when he was still with her. She's sent me threatening messages on SM about how I destroyed her family etc - I didn't even know he existed when he with her!

I wish you the very best in coming to terms with everything that has happened. It can't be easy.

@bigbluemug

From your posts it's obvious that you did nothing wrong.He sounds like a right selfish immature lazy git.

They say you often see someone's true colours when the children arrive and in this case those colours from him were ugly.

He left because he didn't like your attitude?,that may be true but it doesn't mean there was anything wrong with your attitude,he just didn't like that you weren't a doormat.

And sadly yes he may have been seeing another woman before he left;it's very suspicious but if he was that's on him and his down to his own selfish behaviour.

I think that new relationships only happen when we are looking for them.
Although I didn't know it, and wouldn't have even admitted it to myself, I was very unhappy and was probably looking for a way out.
The possibility of a new relationship gave me the impetus to give my husband the ultimatum, and then to get out of a miserable marriage
Even if your husband wasn't seeing her before he left, he must have been in that state where he was receptive to the idea of a new relationship, which i think takes longer than a week to get to.
You, and I think I, behaved honourably. You shut down a possible relationship for the sake of your marriage vows, I gave my husband an ultimatum and would have stood by him if he was planning on working on our marriage.
Your marriage wasn't happy, and by the sounds of it, your husband had already mentally checked out. Whether he was actually screwing this woman really is immaterial, because he left, and he told you he doesn't love you anymore. You have to accept that, as horrible as it is to hear.
In the end, it will be the right decision, you will either meet someone better suited to you, or you will be happy on your own.
I'm sorry you are hurting now.

Thanks.
I have no issue with his girlfriend and I do not blame her for any part of this.
Of Course I do believe that she must be desperate and needy to set her base as low as hooking up with a married man either through affair or separated five days , knowing he refused counselling etc, knowing his kids had special needs, knowing we had to live together for another three months. That puts her firmly into the same character basket as him , as far as I am
Concerned but I would
Never hold her responsible for any of this.

Does it really matter?? I mean your over now, your free of him why sit wondering about this?

It is possible he just met her after and they clicked, that does happen.

I am nowhere near thinking about another relationship.
I'm Not sure I can trust anyone ever again.
Some mornings I wake up and I can't believe this has happened. The heartbreak the responsibility of it all
Can be overwhelming .
The man I got so close to is happily in a relationship now and I wish him
Well.
He taught me to love myself and value myself and showed me what is out there in terms of kindness, love and respect. A much needed lesson at that time. I'll never forget him for it.

It sounds like it could be a lie and that there was something going on before he walked out.
It could have been an emotional affair and hadn't become physical and after he moved out it did.
I think you just have to accept that the marriage ended because he no longer wanted to be in that marriage, whether that was because he already had someone lined up or whether he was ready to move on. I know it's hard but you're better off without him.

My ex left me twice (yeah I was stupid and took him back) and in both cases it was because he'd been chasing women on WhatsApp and thought he'd leave me and immediately take up with them. I don't think he'd have left until he had someone lined up. He swears that there was nothing physical going on before he left. In both cases he left me and the women wanted nothing to do with him. For them it was just a bit of a flirtation. I took him back the first time but not the second.
So yes, I know it's hard. I think there are an awful lot of men who do this. I would guess that men who just leave because they are unhappy with no one lined up are in the minority.

Could be true, it does happen.

@P1nkHeartLovesCake .it matters a great deal to me.see one of my pp.
How do you just meet someone five days after announcing outnof the blue that you're off, and dive straight into a relationship after a 17 year marriage?
Do you think that's normal behaviour?
We put an offer on a new house the previous month!!

Its great that you can think beyond your relationship
Don't be too grateful though
He was a bit of a douche before he left, by all accounts, and is probably a bit of a douche now
Treat yourself well. Reward yourself for your strength of character, which you deserve
You shut down the possibility of an affair even though your marriage wasn't happy
You were willing to work on your marriage, even though your husband was less than ideal, and not prepared to try
You are still being there for your children, and working to support them and minimise their hurt
You absolutely deserve to be kind to yourself, not torment yourself with doubts about his fidelity, and not listen to his bullshit excuses blaming you for the breakdown of your marriage
Keep your chin up. You have much to be proud of

The chances of it being true are tiny.

99.999% likely to be BS.

hopefully you’re able to move on.

@bigbluemug Yeah he has been seeing her all along. (For many months.)

What a bastard.

I am so sorry for you. But almost glad for you that you are rid of this man.

Look after yourself.

Thanks.
You've all been so lovely

I’m so sorry It happened to me as well, there is usually someone waiting in the wings. My counsellor told me that, statistically, men don’t tend to leave unless they have someone to go to.

God men can be such bastards. It’s all well & good for him to piss off out the family home and start this new relationship in 5 minutes leaving you feeling like the bad one.

Maybe you weren’t ‘sexy’ enough, maybe you moaned to much, maybe you prioritised the kids over him, maybe it got dull. Well blah fucking blah, that’s life. You choose who you marry for better or worse & when you have children it comes with the territory that it’s not all sex & champagne.

Really grinds my gears! OP, you’re hurting. That’s understandable, you’re a normal human being with a heart & your husband has fucked you over massively.

Do not make him seeing his kids your problem, he fucked off so let him face the consequences of being a part time dad & sort his own shit out, you owe him nothing, absolutely nothing.

Concentrate on your kids & when the time is right someone will come along for you, you are so worthy of a decent man. Do not let this prick make you feel like you aren’t enough. He wasn’t enough.

Let him enjoy his honeymoon period, until she starts nagging him about not doing the same shit you nagged at him about. It will happen. By that time you would of found someone else & be SO glad this happened. 💐

What a twat. He's lying 100%, I know this because I heard the same bollocks myself. Really wish they had the balls to be upfront and truthful.

I used to lend my ex husband my £40,000 car to ferry the kids around in .... he claims he lost it. I shit you not. And the police believed him. I now have no car

Oh my good Christ !!!!!!

Very similar for me. After several rocky years he wanted out and within weeks (he said) had met his now fiancée. I'm fairly sure he was having an affair, but I had to let it go as much as I hated to. It distracts from what your husband did to you - which by the sound of it is gaslighting.

And that's something which has lasting effects for various reasons. Take care.