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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think revenge is worth it?

39 replies

DracarysThis · 09/02/2020 23:57

Supposedly before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves but having been stitched up by a work colleague, my thoughts turn to revenge and I think "bring me the shovel."

Did you ever swear revenge for something, and get it? Was it worth it? I find I've become hot headed as I age, despite hoping I would calm down. In my case, I imagine possibilities, each an endless assortment of humiliations, but better yet would be getting the fucker sacked.

OP posts:

lostinadream · 10/02/2020 00:00

Yeah I think it is. But I’m a callous fucker sometimes and believe that if you treat someone badly you should expect it back tenfold.

It’s why I rarely (if ever) fuck anyone over.

MuchBetterNow · 10/02/2020 00:04

It never pans out the way you would want it to because life isn’t a bad film script. Everyone would know you were the perpetrator of whatever misdeed had befallen the target and their sympathy would be with them for being the victim of an attack, not you. You would just come off as petty at best, unhinged and dangerous at worst.

I was very angry with a colleague in my last job and wished her ill. However I’m now in a fabulous new job and couldn’t give a flying fuck what that bitter old cunt is doing with her sad wee life.

It’s always better to move on with dignity.

Samhradh · 10/02/2020 00:07

I’ve enjoyed every second when I’ve got my revenge on someone.

anon2000000000 · 10/02/2020 00:10

Yes. No one treats me like shit and gets away with it.

Some of threads on here shock me to be honest. I don't understand why people don't stick up for themselves.

LuluBellaBlue · 10/02/2020 00:13

No, I totally disagree.
It takes the bigger soul to say sorry for your part in something - even if you’re the victim as we’re all willing participants in life and everything is a mirror and reflection of our inner world

GrumpyHoonMain · 10/02/2020 00:16

It’s not revenge. It’s justice. As long as you’re not breaking the law then crack on

Blackandgreenteas · 10/02/2020 00:17

Never tried tbh!

dontgobaconmyheart · 10/02/2020 00:18

You can stick up for yourself without resorting to wishing someone ill or behaving unpleasantly. Having your behaviour dictated by a person you don't even like is hardly indicative of a strong personality even if people who do stuff like that like to think they're forthright and 'take no shit' etc

I'm just not sure people who are happy in their own lives feel the need in all honesty and I say that as someone who obviously has fantasised about how I'd 'get back' a person in their life. It almost always boils down to feeling out of control of your own life and trying to get it back by being back 'on top' or general bitterness for whatever reason. D
Same goes for the person that's upset you, they're probably just very unhappy or insecure.

It's best just avoided, all you're really doing is demonstrating how bothered you are and how little else is going on in your life. Anyone who actually tries to damage someone elses life or hurt or embarrass them is just unpleasant. Labelling it fair game because you felt slighted is a really lacklustre excuse to make yourself feel better.

Lucifer666 · 10/02/2020 00:20

@DracarysThis you're not alone. I've worked with some nasty pieces of work over the years and I won't lie I have taken revenge on some of them. One cheeky fucker I worked with made a habit of constantly and repeatedly handing her paperwork to me to complete even after I said no I can't I have my own work to do she ignored it and left it on my desk so I put it in her tray. She then tried to get me into trouble by telling our boss that I had agreed to do it. I then interrupted with "I told you no I have enough of my own work to do and you ignored me and left it so I left it in your tray" she also used to say to me and others if we were say 5 mins late and had called ahead to let someone know that we were in trouble but it was ok for her to arrive late and leave early because she had a wedding to plan! I finally lost it when I found out she had hidden some work I had done and then sat back and watched as our manager (nasty cow) gave me a massive telling off for leaving incomplete work! I later found the work in her work tray! I lost it and yeah I took revenge on her by deleting all her work and watching her get a telling off. I know two wrong don't make a right but it felt good watching her get her just desserts so to speak after 18 months of constant "oh Lucifer you can do that work its easy for you I have more important work to do" and just putting it on my desk aarrgghhh! fully prepared to be flayed for this but sometimes cheeky fuckers need to be put in their place

Hsldl · 10/02/2020 00:22

I've always only ever done minor things and have cringed later or it's come back to bite me!
Save for one time, I had a boyfriend who, two weeks after moving in with me, quit his job. He leeched off me for months and became quite awful, he moved a piece of furniture in that he'd been keeping at a friend's during this time. When he left after I finally grew a back bone, told him I was done and would not be financing him or putting up with him anymore and I didn't want to be with him, I asked him to take this furniture item five times over three months and he asked me to keep it until he had a flat he could move it into. So I gave it to the British Heart Foundation after four months had passed, it felt great. Donated to charity and had some small emotional compensation for the thousands he'd leeched off me. He did ask for it back, a long time later. I told him to check if BHF still had it and it felt very satisfying.

Hsldl · 10/02/2020 00:24

Having said that getting rid of it was for my own sanity too, having a large item of furniture literally in the middle of my living room was doing my head in, so it would have gone even if we'd have been very amicable but regardless, satisfying (I felt no ill toward him at the time, just fed up and felt I'd been taken for a fool)

The4thSandersonSister · 10/02/2020 00:35

Depends what it is, and how far you have to go. Last Brussel Sprouts on Christmas Eve snatched out from under you or if someone has truely done you wrong. Also if it's legal (Notice I don't say ethical).

I felt no qualms in using information my "ex-friend" told to get some payback. This was all information told in confidence, but I no longer felt ethically bound to keep her nasty comments and shenanigans secret and when asked my opinion of some of her antics i was able to let rip.

Did it feel like I'd won some game of life? No, but it did reinforce my own stance that I was worthy of being treated well, not fair game for people to treat me badly, even people I'd considered close.

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/02/2020 00:53

In my case, yes totally.

Fuck digging two graves, I dug one, buried the fucker in it and then pissed on it.

FurrySlipperBoots · 10/02/2020 00:58

I'm a terrible grudge bearer. I took 'revenge' on a boy once, when we were teenagers. It worked beautifully in that it brought him crashing down, but to be honest, I think that real long term impact is just me feeling shit about myself for my actions. The guilt I still carry now is worse than the original disgust and dislike I had for him, which I imagine would have faded in time.

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/02/2020 00:58

And regarding "moving on with dignity" no, sorry because thats how people who are deserving of revenge get away with their shitty behaviour for so long.

You sling enough shit out, eventually someone is going to sling some back even if its only them simply telling the world the truth about you.

Piston · 10/02/2020 01:02

Yeah, it is.

When I was growing up a family member who was 10 yrs older than me would physically and mentally hurt me.

When I was 12 this person punched me in the stomach when I was asleep and I just saw red and we ended up fighting and I kicked that bitch full force in the stomach. The person cried and I loved it.

That ended the physical abuse.

BananaLeafLady · 10/02/2020 01:29

Sometimes I think.its more damaging mentally to be the "bigger person" and let things go!
The eating up and being unable to let go of whatvis a wronged you can be very damaging.
Sometimes, not every time, revenge very much is a remedy and justice to yourself and anguish/pain over who wronged you in the first place.

ParkheadParadise · 10/02/2020 01:30

When my dd died and her evil bastard of a ex partner walked free from court all I could think about was revenge.
I actually thought about paying someone to get rid of him (I was grieving and didn't know what I was doing)

Several months later I was in the car with dd2 she was about 6mths driving in my home town. I stopped at the lights and here he was walking across the road. For a spilt second my foot went on the accelerator and I wanted to kill both of us. Having dd2 in the car that day stopped me from doing it. I was severely depressed I know i would have done it without thinking.

Last year we were informed that he had died of a overdose, 4yrs after taking my dd's life. I felt nothing. For the last 4yrs he had consumed my thoughts daily. Everytime i went to my hometown i would dread seeing him (he lived in the same street as my sister)
If I'm totally honest I was upset that no one had murdered him.

NotALurker2 · 10/02/2020 02:10

@ParkheadParadise -- wow, you have been through a lot. I think your level of wanting revenge is way beyond what anyone else on the thread has experienced, and the only one would would have been even remotely justified in carrying it out. I can only say, if you had done anything to him, your life would have been over because you would have had his murder on your hands. At least you're innocent.

To everyone else besides ParkheadParadise who thinks other people's bad behavior makes your own behavior justified -- you are wrong. Why would you let an asshole turn YOU into one? If someone does something crappy then they get to turn you into a crappy person, too? Why would you allow that? That makes no sense to me. Either you're a good person or you're not. Don't leave it up to someone else to decide how you behave, especially not someone whose behavior you think is wrong.

bornonasunday · 10/02/2020 02:15

I had a hideous bitch of a boss, many years ago, who made our lives hell on our department, and thought nothing of making grown women cry.
One shift, she had been particularly vile accusing us of stuff we couldn’t possibly have done (not even in the building at the time!)
I walked that day - never went back, and when HR rang me, I just told them “ask her, she’ll know why” Apparently it caused a huge stink and she got hauled over the coals for it!
Several years later, I heard she got mugged at knifepoint on holiday... I’m not ashamed to say I went and bought a bottle of bubbly and my DH and I toasted the muggers!
Karma... so much nicer if someone does the avenging for you!! Cheers!🥂🍾

karencantobe · 10/02/2020 02:19

Except for extreme things like parkheadparadise, I don;t understand people who bear grudges. I don't take revenge and no it does not eat me up. Because I get on with my life.

0v9c99f9g9d939d9f9g9h8h · 10/02/2020 02:19

It may give a moment of hot satisfaction and push back the hurt, but it leaves the world and your own soul a little darker. If that's an acceptable cost for you it's a pity.

karencantobe · 10/02/2020 02:20

@bornonasunday I have had a hideous boss. But to still be holding on to that several years later??
Sorry I think a lot of these stories are stories of pretty unhappy bitter people.

ParkheadParadise · 10/02/2020 02:35

Sorry I think a lot of these stories are stories of pretty unhappy bitter people.

Believe Me, Unhappy and Bitter dont come close to describing me.
I didn't think I was capable of such hatred to another person, until I met that evil murdering bastard.

TheBewildernessisWeetabix · 10/02/2020 02:36

I am more of a 'what goes around comes around' and 'thank you for showing me who you are' sort, so more into strategic self defense than revenge.
Still, there have been times when a coworker gave me the rage and I did want to see them burn. Working in a physically dangerous job you stifle those feelings as best you can.

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