Trying for a baby after 43

[84wood]

Hello

I’m looking for experiences and posting here for traffic. Hope that’s ok. But if you’ve tried for a baby without IVF after 43, what is your experience?

I’m a fit and healthy 43 year old. I’m considering a second child for my only DC who would love a sibling.

I’ve done my research and it’s risky because of my age and I certainly don’t expect to fall pregnant with the ease of a 20 or 30 year old woman. So even if I try it might not happen and I wouldn’t sign up for IVF.

I posted some time ago about whether you’d have a baby at 45 and I got some interesting opinions and there seemed to be a divide between those who chose to have children in their 20s and 30s, and those who were older.

I just wasn’t in a position to have children younger. I’m truly divided about what to do because the research is so negative for older mothers and I worry that I might open myself up for a lot of upset but in truth I’d really like to try for another baby.

Thanks for reading and for any experiences you are able to share.

Just checked an official government website. Your odds of having a baby with Downs is 1 in 100 at 40 and 1 in 30 at 45.

I remember telling my Mum about having a nuchal fold test and her saying shock 'but you would t have terminated your baby would you?' And I realised I'd not thought hard enough about it. Would I have done? It's hard to say. But my first pregnancy died in the womb to Pataus which was clearly nature making the right choice for me.

If the main reason for wanting to try is because your existing child wants a sibling then I think it’s perhaps not the right thing to do. It will be a potentially very difficult and stressful journey which may not be in the best interests of your existing child.

I had babies in my mid twenties, fell pg at drop of a hat but had issues with BP during those pg. no losses luckily.

Then Had a mc at 38 and a blighted ovum at 40 with a few chemical pg in between. Had my youngest at just turned 42. Once I got past the 9 week mark when my latest mc occurred I felt more positive. My screening results all came back as low risk, especially considering my age. Had to have more growth scans due to age and the BP issues also happened again but this was the case in my twenties and I was closely monitored. I would love another and don't feel too old but anecdotally did have to have some losses which were not experienced in my twenties. I have accepted that may be the case if have another.

Also, my GP doesn't say much about this 43 year old eggs malarkey- my Gp says the body tries it's best to release the best egg it can.

I always find these threads odd and divisive for a parenting forum and as someone who had babies in their twenties and again in their forties I can't honestly say there's much difference once baby is here. Apart from I have more disposable income so can do all those franchise club groups I couldn't afford in my twenties!

@Bouledeneige I’m sorry you had such a rough time. But each pregnancy for each woman will have its own risk.

Just checked an official government website. Your odds of having a baby with Downs is 1 in 100 at 40 and 1 in 30 at 45.

This is a population risk, and it doesn’t mean that any pregnancy will have these odds, just as they won’t have yours. These odds are then adjusted for the actual likelihood based on blood and diagnostic tests. Yes, your underlying risk rises but excellent blood results and a low nuchal number, for example, will lower the odds considerably.

No way would I do this. You'll still have a child at home when you're in your 60's. Don't you want to retire and travel, with no ties?

I'm 50 and DH is 47. Kids are adults (and have been for a while). We are enjoying amazing holidays.

Even if someone could guarantee a healthy baby, I think it's a bad idea. But let's face it, the biggest issue is that no one can give you that guarantee. It's a risk that is too high, imo.

The way me and my husband see it, we've had some bloody amazing holidays already. There'll be time for more in the future even late 59s/early 60s.
We are excited about sharing holidays with our children!
We are lucky financially in that I already stay at home, though might go back later for my own benefit, and he earns very well. We certainly won't be working past normal retirement age!

Thanks for your sympathy extra. My cup runneth over and I am blessed - I have a beautiful DD19 and DS17.

But the point remains the same. Sure not everyone's odds are the same - the general population figures of 1 in 100 for Downs at 40yrs and 1 in 35 at 40 are average - some people's risks will be better and some worse. That's the nature of an average. OPs odds might be worse than the average.

So before weighing up the benefits of being an older parent or taking holidays OP will be well advised to consider first and foremost the chances of a healthy birth - and her resilience to unsuccessful pregnancies, and risks of disability. I am shocked that people seem to think it's like whether to buy a bigger house or a new car rather than addressing the realities of ageing and biology. It shouldn't be ignored.