Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed MIL has used my address?

38 replies

MummyGoingItAlone · 09/02/2020 19:43

I can’t decide if I’m being petty but I don’t think I am?

In 2 weeks time I move house. Now ex partner and I separated a while back but had to wait to get out of a tenancy. I’ve rented myself a house and he’s still looking for somewhere but will be a house share as he has a lot of debt and limited disposable income (he’s a spendaholic and admits this). We are still civil and have a young son together. If it wasn’t for our child though, we wouldn’t see each other again after the split.

Anyway, I’ve found out today that my MIL has gotten my new address from ex and has given it to her solicitor as the address for my ex. The solicitor is to do with a family matter and absolutely nothing to do with me or our son. AIBU to be annoyed? I’ve text her and asked her to remove my address and she got snotty saying I’d taken everything away from her son and at the very least he should be able to use my address as he’s forced to live in a shared house. She then had the cheek to question my salary and how I can afford full time childcare and my own house, to which I pointed out I’m a much higher earner than him, I’m frugal and have minimal debt (not like it’s her business!)

Sorry, she’s just grated on me tonight.

OP posts:
Whynosnowyet · 09/02/2020 19:45

Just repost anything that comes with Not At This Address.
Let her get The Rage.

SalmonOfKnowledge · 09/02/2020 19:45

YANBU and your xmil is not only being unreasonable but why on earth would she think that his mail would reach him if she has it sent to his ex wife's new address.

Who could figure that out!

Leaannb · 09/02/2020 19:46

I would contact the solicitor yourself and tellthem your ex doesn't reside with you and to change his address. If you get anything in the mail just return to sender

MissMudskipper · 09/02/2020 19:46

Ohhh this would annoy me as well OP. Why couldn't she put her own address for her OWN son?! No advice just didnt want to read and run. Good luck with the move Flowers

cheapskatemum · 09/02/2020 19:48

You could ask her to remove your address, or you could return to sender every item of post that turns up at your new address with "Not known at this address" written on it. Bloody cheek of the woman!

Iloveacurry · 09/02/2020 19:49

Contact the solicitor yourself and give them his correct address. Then tell to piss off and mind her own business.

Honeybee85 · 09/02/2020 19:49

YANBU

She is overstepping boundaries and in your position, I would send back every letter with ‘not at this adress’. Or even consider reporting her for fraud if she keeps on doing this shit.

Seems like she’s blaming you for her sons situation and acting out in a way that’s unfair to you.

Whynosnowyet · 09/02/2020 19:50

Let the letters arrive imo. Imagine they will take a while to reach her ds..... Shame that isn't it?

Original poster
MummyGoingItAlone · 09/02/2020 19:50

She lives in Croatia so can’t use her address for him. I don’t know who the solicitor is but will send anything back if it arrives.

I want to move on! Not he getting frigging mail for him at MY new address 😩

OP posts:
FuzzyAtmosphere · 09/02/2020 19:51

I agree - either contact the solicitor to let them know or else just put RTS on the envelope and post them.

Your address is only useful for your MIL to provide to the solicitor and anyone else she wants if you pass on the mail and/or she gets a reaction out of you.

Honeybee85 · 09/02/2020 19:53

Perhaps OP send the sollicitor an email and put his mum in the CC - write to him that your adress is used against your permission and any mail that arrives there will be returned the first time, if they continue to send mail you won’t even bother to return it.

The sollicitor will know that the adress is not correct and your MIL will know that she shouldn’t try to pull this trick on you again.

PanamaPattie · 09/02/2020 19:54

I would shred any mail that was not addressed to you. Why should you have to put yourself out by having to re-post everything?

Lunde · 09/02/2020 19:58

You definitely need to act to stop this. If you claim any benefits there is a risk that you would be investigated for fraud if your ex is still connected to your address when you are separated. Make sure that you run a credit check to ensures that she is not taking out loans in his or your name.

slipperywhensparticus · 09/02/2020 20:02

Return to sender stamp and repost each and everyone

LangSpartacusCleg · 09/02/2020 20:07

Just write ‘not known at this address, return to sender’.

A solicitor’s office understands the importance of the correct address for legal service of documents and will only need to see that once in order to change the contact details they hold for your husband.

LouHotel · 09/02/2020 20:12

Don’t you know you should still be doing all the wife work for mummy’s little treasure?

AWaspOnAWindowReturns · 09/02/2020 20:22

Valid point by PP about ex or MiL taking out credit cards/loans in your name at new address. Especially if ex is a spendaholic. It's worth registering with Creditkarma (a free service that alerts you to any changes to your credit profile) so you can keep an eye on this

NaturallyEden · 09/02/2020 20:23

You need to get this changed - it could impact things like single person discounts on council tax etc.

KillingEvenings · 09/02/2020 20:24

Please don't shred his mail as per panama

A very quick google tells me that under the Postal Services Act 2000 it is an offence to open or destroy someone else's mail, ‘without reasonable excuse’ or ‘intending to act to a persons detriment’.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 09/02/2020 20:26

Contrary to popular belief, it’s not illegal for you to open the post, in order to get the solicitor’s address, OP. It’s only illegal if you open someone’s post in order to defraud them or break the law.

Open the letter, get the solicitor’s details and contact them.

underneaththeash · 09/02/2020 20:29

Just contact the solicitor and tell him that neither you ex-MIL not ex-DH live at the house.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 09/02/2020 20:30

Why would you put yourself out by phoning around? Either bin or shred any letters. If he asks, you haven’t received anything. Total tosses the pair of them.

Wizotto · 09/02/2020 20:39

Make sure you don’t leave it and return to sender or update the solicitor or it could affect your credit rating so ability to get loans, mortgage etc.

Jux · 09/02/2020 20:45

It's worth making the effort of contacting the solicitor once you get the first letter and letting them know that your MIL was just making things up. They can take it from there; you need to make sure that no one else is given your address as his so maybe ask the solicitor while you're talking to them about this issue what you might do if their client continues to use your address in the future They'll warn your ex not to do it. Then you're covered no matter what he and his mum do.

Mycatwontstopstaring · 09/02/2020 20:52

Either:
(A) open the first letter, email the solicitor stating your address is being used falsely by your ex and you require them to correct their records immediately (providing his new address is you have it will help).then never think about it again. Or,
(B) don’t open the letter, feel angry, throw it away or return to sender. Then get another one and feel angry again. Then another. And another. Forever... Because if you don’t take action this will annoy you indefinitely.