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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad for DS

36 replies

CoffeeMorning1 · 08/02/2020 21:18

DS is 16 and has rapidly greying hair. It started about a year ago when it was just a few hairs but now it’s all over and coming in thicker.
He is so self conscious about it, and his confidence has dropped a lot. I know he’s been getting some nasty comments from people in his year at school. He laughs it off but I know hes gutted.
It just breaks my heart to see him so down. Hes a handsome, talented boy but this is just sad for him.

DH says he was going grey at the same age, so probably genetics. Dh said he dyed it for years!!
I suggested to dye it, but he’s refusing as he’d be mortified if mates found out!
WWYD?

OP posts:
Original poster
CoffeeMorning1 · 08/02/2020 21:22

Forget to say, he’s been recently getting a skin fade on the back and sides at the barbers, which makes it less noticeable against the skin... still doesn’t help the grey on the top though Sad

OP posts:
restawhile77 · 08/02/2020 21:25

Perhaps if he just dyed it gradually, it wouldn’t be noticed. After all girls do it all the time. Lots of boys do too though.

Bubblysqueak · 08/02/2020 21:30

My dad started to go grey at 16 and by 21 was completely grey. Thankfully I follow my mum's side of the family and don't have a grey hair in sight, whereas my poor sister follows my dad and got her first grey hairs at 17, although no-one ever noticed as she was a teen girl so always experimenting with different colour hair dye.
Maybe a gradual natural hair dye could work (especially over a longer holiday like Easter no one will probably even notice)

Billyeyelash · 08/02/2020 21:30

Highlights? Mix the grey with subtle colour

Doesn't going grey early mean you are less likely to lose your hair later?

Original poster
CoffeeMorning1 · 08/02/2020 21:33

Hadn’t thought of doing it gradually, that’s an idea.

OP posts:
Creweneck · 08/02/2020 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CoffeeMorning1 · 08/02/2020 21:34

Yes, I think it does. Ds and dh have very thick hair with no signs of receding hairline or thinning!

OP posts:
OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 08/02/2020 21:50

Dd is friends with a lad with jet black hair who started going grey at the beginning of high school! And his brother. He’s 21 now, but bleaches it. At school they just toughed it out. Not really what you wanted to hear. Maybe get advice from hairdressers about how to do it discreetly.

VeryQuaintIrene · 08/02/2020 21:51

I can see that it would be mortifying for a teen. However, my partner started greying in her very early 20s and has truly spectacular white hair that complete strangers on the street stop to admire - she really does look fabulous, and I bet he will too in a few years.

Nomel · 08/02/2020 21:52

Dye it.!i started going grey in my early 20s and just dye it my natural colour

GrumpyHoonMain · 08/02/2020 21:54

Why not use purple shampoo and just rock silver hair? If he styled it fashionably he would probably look quite cool

aroundtheworldyet · 08/02/2020 21:55

Just use hair dye. It’s totally ok for women.

Or just be proud:

Advantages;
Always get into clubs
But booze
Have people think he’s mature

I think these sound like great positives as a 16 YR

AtrociousCircumstance · 08/02/2020 21:55

My bro-in-law went grey in his teens. Totally rocked it. Never asked for his ID for clubs and able to buy booze without a problem! Perhaps your DS could jokingly take this angle when he’s teased? Not that I’m encouraging wild behaviour! Just might fend off some of the comments.

Original poster
CoffeeMorning1 · 08/02/2020 21:56

Thanks for the suggestions. I’ll try and talk him round to get it slowly coloured

OP posts:
EvilEdna1 · 08/02/2020 21:56

I worked with a man/boy in my teens who was 19 and completely silver grey. A few years later I saw him on the cover of a magazine modelling (it was an older persons magazine). He was posing with a middle aged woman so I assume he was chosen because he passed as a youthful looking silver fox. He owned it though....very striking.

Original poster
CoffeeMorning1 · 08/02/2020 21:59

Not sure if he’s ready to embrace it yet... we will see

OP posts:
OhNoMyCheds · 08/02/2020 22:02

Well on the upside he’s more likely to get served at the pub underage?

Sorry to make light... yes I guess I would dye it if I were in his position but if he’s refusing I suppose he is trying to come to terms with it - which is much healthier than denial

Commonwasher · 08/02/2020 22:07

I think if he is really down about it I would get some subtle blond highlights and gradually increase it so the grey is blonde.

But since so many people are colouring their hair that really blue-blonde colour which to me is grey — his natural hair sounds on trend!

LetItGoHome · 08/02/2020 22:08

Don't dye it! No matter how carefully he goes about it his mates would find out and that would be worse. And the maintenance of dyed hair would be a lot to take on. He just needs to wear it with confidence and they will soon bore of taking the piss. Lads make fun of one another, that's what they do. If it wasn't the grey it would be something else. He and you just need to accept it as one of his quirks. It really shouldn't be made in to something that needs to be fixed. I'm sure he is gorgeous with or without the grey. I think you just need to work on building his confidence and work on some cutting come backs to unkind comments x

aroundtheworldyet · 08/02/2020 22:11

Go to a hairdresser
Do not attempt this at home. It will make it 💯 worse

Tolleshunt · 08/02/2020 22:13

I would get him a really good quality multi-vitamin and mineral and see if any starts to turn back to it’s natural colour. Several deficiencies can cause premature greying. I found about 70-80% of my grey hairs turned back to my natural colour after a few months on supplements.

Failing that, Superdrug do a great wash in wash out colour conditioner that covers a lot of greys once you have built it up over a few washes. Even the ones it doesn’t cover entirely seem less noticeable, I think it takes the starkness off them and blends them in a bit. I will find a link for you.

IndianaMoleWoman · 08/02/2020 22:15

As someone who is in the weird position of spending a lot of time walking around a room and looking down at teenagers’ heads (I’m a secondary teacher!), I’d say that going grey at 15/16 is surprisingly common. Plenty of my students have noticeable grey patches. No-one bats an eyelid.

1Morewineplease · 08/02/2020 22:17

I’m sorry that your son feels so self conscious about his hair and wish that there was more in the media about this.
Alas, your son will have to bare it , however, there are
products available that can lessen the grey , gradually, and that might be a way forward. I would hesitate about just dying his hair as it would look obvious and might trigger even more comments.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 09/02/2020 00:05

Perhaps take him to a really good barber. Grey is very fashionable at the moment and with the right style it could be made to look like a fashion thing.