To think my BIL is an arse, but also that he is wrong

[TravellingSpoon]

Actually its my EX-BIL, but the question still stands.

At Dniece's birthday party today. Took my two DC's because I am trying to encourage a relationship with the cousins as it was before, even though mt STBXH isnt bothered and wasn't there (his DB and SIL)

BIL asked how I was and we exchanged some small talk. I said that I had a new job which meant I was going back to what I had done previously, working with adults with LD (having worked in an EOL setting the past few months). BIL made some comments which included the fact that I need to be setting my career ambitions higher because otherwise DD will end up in a 'dead-end, low paid' job like I am, because both my parents work in similar jobs, and that its up to me to be a better example. I explained that I love the job I do, and although I do have plans in the future, but at the moment, as a LP of 2 pre-teens, one of who is severely disabled, this works for me.

I know I shouldnt have listened to him, but now I am eaten up with anxiety. Ex-H left me for another woman who has a 'career' and my self-confidence is shot to pieces. I genuinely love my job though, and for me its more important than anything, and I want my DC's to be happy.

In would add that DS1 (my child from a previous relationship is now at University and doing really well for himself, but BIL says that this is my Ex-H's doing because he showed him 'how to be a man').

Guy sounds like a right piece of shit. Take no notice and do what makes you feel fulfilled.

He’s a knob. Take his comments and gleefully chuck them in your mental trash can.

Don't you know what an incredible job you do? Adults with LDs have a shitty time often and having people who genuinely care and want to work with them to have happy fulfilled lives is one of the most important jobs in the world. Fuck your nasty, selfish arse of a brother.

The two years I spent working with adults with LDs were two of the happiest in my life. We changed lives doing that work.

What a twat. Don't listen to him.

Your job is important to lots of people.

BIL sorry got carried away.

Christ, he sounds like a real peach.

You're doing a worthwhile job that fulfills you. That's worth a hell of a lot.

Your exh left you for another woman and your exbil speak to you like that; they sound like two of a kind.

Put his stupid, spiteful comments out of your mind; he really isn't worth the head space.

He’s a dickhead. You have a job you love, how many people can say that.

I work in a similar area and while I don’t get paid mega bucks, I too love my job. It’s also far more flexible than DPs much higher paying job (which he hates btw). Money isn’t everything.

Who thinks he’s being fucking reasonable? It doesn’t surprise me that ex is an ex if the brother is anything to go by!!

Your job is worthwhile, and teaching your children to be nice people is better than teaching them money rules all.

What a wanker. Its a good example to your DD that her mum does a job she enjoys that is also helping others, that's actually very admirable.. I hate people like him, money isn't everything especially if it makes you an entitled dick head that is horrible to other people

OOOOOOF that's one helluva insecure ex-BIL you have there!

Do you see much of them? It's possible that you being laid back enough about what are clearly complex family circumstances to still be fine with socialising and keeping in touch has rattled him.

Men like this generally find it bothersome to see people women just getting on with it. Especially if 'it' is - being mature enough to make sure your children are seeing his family - their family - when his own, very obviously not a good example of a brother, can't be bothered.

So he needed to have a dig - and especially needed to have a dig which made it clear to you that he still thinks his brother is much better a person than you.

You could very easily have given a little smile at the notion of your Ex showing your son 'how to be a man' and said that you'd wished you'd picked a better live-in example than a cowardly cheat, but hopefully your son would now think of his brother as an example of how not to be a man.. but that would be mean.

Your Ex-BIL knows what a shit his brother is, so much so that he needed to have that little exchange with you. All he's shown is that he's no more maturity than the brother who's now fortunately out of your life.

This isn't about your job - which sounds great, it's about your BIL's lack of being able to handle the situation. Pity him.

Ignore ignore ignore.

What a stupid thing to say and what a strange attitude he has!

He's a twat. If you're happy and your children are happy and well cared for then that's all that matters.

what a wanker, you have a brilliant job, life is not all about money, your child will grow and see what a brilliant caring parent they have

What a twat.

My first serious boyfriend worked with LD adults. He ended up with the CQC and was very senior at a regional level.

He’s wrong, you are a good example to your children and I would question what example he is and if it’s worth while having someone like him in your children’s life

I would leave it to your ex to cultivate a relationship for your kids with his side of the family, and stop doing it yourself

Patronising, arrogant twit! He’s trying to show you what a ‘little woman’ you are and how you need advice from a ‘big man’ like him.

He’s also trying to make you feel bad about a new job you’re happy about. He’s an insecure little prick.

Ignore him and laugh to yourself about him.

Yep, your BIL is a total dickhead who is totally wrong !

Why the AF he thinks that YOU are now your DC's only role model is bloody senseless too !

As long as you encourage your DC to do well in whatever interests them and encourage them to feel able to achieve their dreams, then you are doing exactly what you should as a parent and empowering them to succeed.

I'll bet he has 'opinions' on what constitutes a 'proper' job too doesn't he ? The twat !

I can't bear people who sneer at others' perfectly respectable and valuable jobs because they don't provide a high income. OP I genuinely respect you for the work you do and would find it far more interesting than someone who bores on about their corporate job and how important it makes them.

Your ex-BIL is not worth your attention. And you should be very proud of your son. I'm sure he emulates you far more than your cheating ex.

Thank you everyone, this thread has made me feel slightly better, having come away from the party feeling like shite.

Most importantly, my younger DS will probably need support most of his life, and while I will always be there for him, to some degree its going to come from outside, so I want him to be cared for by fantastic people and I know there are so many. My new job is with a massive charity and I am really excited about it.

That phrase about knowing the price of everything and the value of nothing sounds like it describes your ex's and his family very well!

Limit your contact with these people.

He's probably a 'knows the price of everything but the value of nothing' ype of person.

X post.

You BIL is pathetic and a sad cliche, really. I mean how many times how you met assholes like him? They're so predictable in their misery and viciousness.
I would be concerned that his children will be infected with those tedious views and that they will be unkind to your DC. I really don't think I would be maintaining the relationship unless you and the kids get something particularly positive from it.

Good grief, what an absolute arsehole he sounds.

Sounds like massive insecurity from your BIL. What about, I can’t imagine (because I don’t know him). But I do know that a happy, confident individual wouldn’t go around putting other people’s jobs down like that.