To think my BIL is an arse, but also that he is wrong

[TravellingSpoon]

Actually its my EX-BIL, but the question still stands.

At Dniece's birthday party today. Took my two DC's because I am trying to encourage a relationship with the cousins as it was before, even though mt STBXH isnt bothered and wasn't there (his DB and SIL)

BIL asked how I was and we exchanged some small talk. I said that I had a new job which meant I was going back to what I had done previously, working with adults with LD (having worked in an EOL setting the past few months). BIL made some comments which included the fact that I need to be setting my career ambitions higher because otherwise DD will end up in a 'dead-end, low paid' job like I am, because both my parents work in similar jobs, and that its up to me to be a better example. I explained that I love the job I do, and although I do have plans in the future, but at the moment, as a LP of 2 pre-teens, one of who is severely disabled, this works for me.

I know I shouldnt have listened to him, but now I am eaten up with anxiety. Ex-H left me for another woman who has a 'career' and my self-confidence is shot to pieces. I genuinely love my job though, and for me its more important than anything, and I want my DC's to be happy.

In would add that DS1 (my child from a previous relationship is now at University and doing really well for himself, but BIL says that this is my Ex-H's doing because he showed him 'how to be a man').

DS, who has a very limited number of friends, loves his cousins dearly, especially the youngest who is 6. He missed them when we didnt have contact and although his speech is limited, often says 'where Jacob' or 'see Jacob' (not his actual name). That is the only real reason for us to have contact, but its a big one.

I have to say my SIL is quite lovely and I feel the most for her, because at least I get to go home and can limit my contact.

He's a knob - ignore!!

Your job is vocational and thankfully there are people like you that love what they do and can do this work and enjoy it. Not everyone can help people and being happy doing so. What you do is worth a lot more than many other jobs. It's not all about money.

What. A. Dick.

Even if this monstrous bullshit were true - it isn’t!! - what would they learn from you? To be loyal and dedicated to a job which better the lives of others. Oh dear, what a terrible lesson.

Knob head.

He's a prick next time tell him you'll be proud of whatever and whoever they turn out to be so long as they are decent people (I.e. not an interfering condescending dick like you) if you're happy with your career choice that's a great example to set for them, regardless of the career itself or what they end up doing with thier own lives. Xx

What a loser!

Parent of two children with Sen here. One who will need extensive support. I think what you’re doing is fabulous!

I feel sorry for his kids if this is the example he sets for them.

So what wonderful job does he do then? What an arse. You do an amazing, worthwhile job, he's a patronising idiot who needs to put others down to feel better about himself. Working with LD adults has led to a friend being head of a whole dept, so he knows sod all about the job or its opportunities.

I read that Helen Mirren's biggest regret in life is not telling more people to fuck off. I know it's easier said than done but that would have done the job better than justifying yourself.

I wish I could do it myself but it's normally my family I want to say it to and it's not worth the fallout 🤷‍♀️.

You sound like an absolute asset in learning disabilities. I did it for a week in my nurses training and discovered it very quickly was not for me. Someone who is passionate about the job like you will be amazing.

Can you even imagine commenting on another humans career choice? Like how inappropriate it would be to tell them that the career they have chosen in life is the wrong one because it doesn't earn enough. Your BIL is incredibly arrogant. Ignore!

OP your job is vital in a way that being the CEO of a company is not. People depend on the services you provide and it is only because we are in a patriarchal/capitalist society that roles like yours are looked down on by shallow twits like your bil. I am corporate now but used to work in LD and aged care 20 years ago and still it was such a fulfilling role. Still remember all my clients and have warm memories of them. Can’t say the same about my corporate role x

OP you are doing fine. You are showing your kids that people matter more than money and that is a valuable lesson that some kids don't get. Yours are richer for it.

I speak from experience when I say doing a job you love for less money is so much better than a higher paid stressful job that you hate. I love the job I do now and wouldn’t change it for anything. You spend far too many hours at work not to enjoy it. Ignore his comments. Be proud of what you do and enjoy....nobody’s business but yours. You are setting the right example to your children ...do something you enjoy that’s fulfilling and that money doesn’t mean everything.

I have to say my SIL is quite lovely and I feel the most for her, because at least I get to go home and can limit my contact.

Absolutely! Thank goodness you don’t have to go home to him.

Do you enjoy your job? Do you feel fulfilled in your job? If the answer is yes, then you are in the right career.
Status is a weird thing. For some people it's about money, for some traditional jobs (lawyer, doctor), but for me it's about respect. I respect people who have the patience, skills and personal qualities to do the job that you do. It's an incredibly valuable role. It's not paid well but then when are traditionally female roles paid well. I respect anyone who does their job well, whether they are cleaning toilets or being the prime minister.
Your bil is a dick. Be proud. He couldn't do your job because he's a dick.

He's a twat but sadly he's not alone. I used to work as a nursery nurse providing care to children with complex needs so their parents/siblings could do what most of us take for granted (exciting things like the weekly shop). Most of our families were tied to the house because their child required non-invasive ventilation that relied on mains electricity. I was told, more than once, that I needed to find a 'proper job' to earn decent money, and this gem of information usually came from a man.

What you provide is priceless and you are worth 100 of him. Hold your head high OP.

BIL's a silly little man. Ignore.

Also if you want some reassurance that you being in a low-paid job won’t have any impact on your childrens’ career aspirations (obviously it won’t, why would it), my DM was widowed young (so no DF on scene), and worked as a payments clerk for the country council (not straightforward work, but earning just over minimum wage). I’m a doctor. DS went to Cambridge to do engineering.

She was always supportive and encouraging, and valued education and hard work. Read to us a lot. Took us on holidays around the UK learning about local geography, nature and history (with hindsight, probably for financial reasons). Instilled intellectual curiosity into us. Far more important than what her day job was.

Yuk! What a nasty snobby man. He WAS wrong too. I don't care what jobs my kids end up in as long as they're happy (and not doing anything illegal or morally abhorrent.)