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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To fear the massage stigma

66 replies

Woosar · 08/02/2020 16:33

I would like to start my mobile massage business but I have become somewhat annoyed/fearful of what I am up against.

I have heard many stories of how even beauty therapists working in official premises are propositioned by married and single men for sex. My friend told me her sister was even propositioned by a celebrity whilst she worked in an official hotel spa. What chance have I got as a mobile masseuse working in people's homes.

I live in a wealthy area and was talking to a secondary school mum about aromatherapy essential oils and I mentioned that I would like to add this service once I started my massage business. Her attitude towards me completely changed, it was very strange. Do these people think we are all offering illicit services?

I have become scared to advertise my services as I have heard that even legitimate masseuse businesses receive inappropriate requests, even though they state they are legitimate services. The fact that school mums seem to look down on you doesn’t seem to bode well either. The fact that I am highly educated in a core subject and they are barely educated but live on the the fruits of their husband’s or parent’s labour, doesn’t seem to deter their snobbery. I am worried my child will be targeted in this well to do area.

Does anybody have any advice on where to advertise to deter sexual enquiries and how to handle the stigma from these school mothers in particular?

Thank you.

OP posts:

Seventyone72seventy3 · 08/02/2020 16:39

Can you offer only female massages? (Not sure if that's legal!)

hazell42 · 08/02/2020 16:43

I was with you right up until you started sneering at the educational attainments of other mothers.
How do you know what qualifications they have, or where their money comes from? Or are you just assuming that you are smarter/better than them, because you are 'highly educated'?
No idea about your question, but yabu just for that.

WorraLiberty · 08/02/2020 16:45

The fact that I am highly educated in a core subject and they are barely educated but live on the the fruits of their husband’s or parent’s labour, doesn’t seem to deter their snobbery.

To be fair, your 'highly educated' status, doesn't seem to deter yours either.

Get yourself registered as an accredited therapist and see if that opens any doors for you, in terms of contact with other massage therapists.

They would probably have more advice for you than Mumsnet.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/02/2020 16:47

You're more judgemental than most of the "barely educated", supposed freeloaders you're talking about, so I fail to see why you're so concerned about their opinions.

TrickyKid · 08/02/2020 16:49

I go to a lady that works from home and only accepts female customers. There's nothing sleezy about it at all and no one has ever suggested otherwise. She has a room in her house set up very professionally. Maybe it was just this one person who's putting you off?

PhilCornwall1 · 08/02/2020 16:49

doesn’t seem to deter their snobbery.

Or yours to be honest.

You probably started to lose people mentioning living in a wealthy area and being highly educated, unlike the other mothers, who are barely educated and live off others.

BadCatDirtyCat · 08/02/2020 16:53

My massage therapist only does women.

I'm not saying you're wrong to be worried about safety/being propositioned, but it strikes me that the school mum thing might be snobbery as much as assumptions about your sexual morals.

cologne4711 · 08/02/2020 16:53

I live in an affluent area with a lot of well educated people and I also know quite a few massage therapists who use essential oils and none of them have mentioned either being sexually propositioned or any sort of stigma. They'll all in high demand (for their massage services, nothing else).

damnthatanxiety · 08/02/2020 16:56

Affluent areas tend to have affluent people who are well versed in massage therapy as they are the people who can afford regular treatments. I have no idea why you are running into any weird attitudes tbh

hauntedvagina · 08/02/2020 17:00

She's probably scared you're going to start trying to peddle your oils as some magical cure-all. Doubt very much if it was the massage part that got her back up.

Also, every profession faces their own sexual harassment pitfalls, not just masseurs.

Original poster

Woosar · 08/02/2020 17:18

Thank you for the constructive advice.

I’m not sneering I have been told of their levels of education and where they get their money ad nauseam; that is how I know. I have also had to listen to their sneering of my some of my son’s other friends homes and lifestyles they do not deem on par with ours; believe me I am no snob! I just find other snobs tiresome and fair game! Especially when they have everything handed to them on a plate and ridicule other hard working families. I understand the sensitivity of those who lack personal achievement however.

Anyway back to the subject, I would really like to help people relax and combat stress and worry through my service and do not want to be targeted by either boundary pushing men or judgemental women.

Any advice would be much appreciated x

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 08/02/2020 17:21

I'm pretty sure my advice is going to be against talk guidelines, so I'll leave it to someone else...

Kelsoooo · 08/02/2020 17:21

Can't say I've ever had a massage therapist tell me about this.

I know most of them when it comes to massaging (or beauty treatments) do say that they'd rather a female present for the first few times at least.

Me and DH had a mobile therapist come to our home for us just before Xmas and again, she never mentioned it.

However, I'm with a Pp here it's probably your bullshit around essential oils she's worried about.

Arnoldthecat · 08/02/2020 17:26

I think its all too easy to assume that all men are sex pests. Up until recently i fairly regularly visited a masseuse. She was totally above board, ex NHS physio who set up her own business and had her own treatment room at home. She provided an excellent full body massage which sorted out various aches and twinges and was also very relaxing. Good for mind and body. I'm male BTW and i like to think im in good shape bodily.

hazell42 · 08/02/2020 17:32

I understand the sensitivity of those who lack personal achievement however.

Wow. just wow.
Your arrogance is pretty breathtaking tbh

MuchBetterNow · 08/02/2020 17:38

My masseuse works from home and has a wide variety of clients. I found her on gumtree where she clearly states that anyone making sexual comments will be blocked. She’s very successful and doesn’t seem to have encountered any problems such as the ones you describe. You sound a bit off to be honest.

SuperMeerkat · 08/02/2020 17:40

It wouldn’t even occur to me that somewhere would be offering anywhere other than a massage (unless the sign suggested otherwise) That school mum’s attitude suggests that her DH May have been playing away.

TheMustressMhor · 08/02/2020 17:41

I understand the sensitivity of those who lack personal achievement however.

Oh good.

That makes it all right, then.

messolini9 · 08/02/2020 17:41

would really like to help people relax and combat stress and worry through my service and do not want to be targeted by either boundary pushing men or judgemental women.

I'm not convinced you are cut out for the rough & tumble of self employment. Or that your clients are going to be impressed by your wealthy area or higher education. They will only care about whether you are actually any good at massage, & that your bedside manner does not include peeveish snobbery.

If you feel afraid to advertise & unequal to perceived stigma, how do you think you are going to make a success of the venture?

You are going to meet boundary pushers & judgemental people in every sphere of life. How do you cope with them now?
If you find it difficult, how are you going to handle clients any differently than any other random boundary pusher or judgypants?

If you are going to forge ahead, do you have space to have a room at home, rather than being mobile? Unless you are only going to have female clients? Visiting men you don't know in their own homes is stupidly risky. Whereas if you could run it from home you could have a Ring doorbell to record visitors as they arrive, & a buddy system by phone with a friend who you trust to have your back.

SuperMeerkat · 08/02/2020 17:43

I’m surprised no one has mentioned Brian yet #YoniMassage

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 08/02/2020 17:45

Does anybody have any advice on where to advertise to deter sexual enquiries and how to handle the stigma from these school mothers in particular?

Easy- do women only.

CrazyToast · 08/02/2020 17:47

There's nothing you can do to stop the random pervs and people having these ideas. Just do your business, be legit and accredited, vet your bookings as much as possible if you are going to people's homes, and talk to other therapists about how they keep safe and deal with anything inappropriate. Be very clear and professional in your marketing. You can't control what people think, can't let this stop you. Just do your thing and you will be fine.

messolini9 · 08/02/2020 17:51

I understand the sensitivity of those who lack personal achievement however.

No you don't.
Lacking sensitivity yourself, you don't have the wherewithal to detect it in others.

I dont think personal bodywork or customer service are likely to be your strong suits.

ForalltheSaints · 08/02/2020 17:53

YANBU to be concerned at inappropriate requests. I visit a spa which offers legitimate massages and men have asked for inappropriate requests and be banned from the place.

TheQueef · 08/02/2020 17:53

Heh

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