About health visitor being unnecessarily difficult?

[frillyfarmer]

I'm just gone 37 weeks pregnant with my second, due end of the month.

I received a letter earlier this week about my DS' 24 month check up, they have proposed it to be on my due date, at a children's centre almost 10 miles away. My DS is 30 months at the beginning of March, and the HV never completed the 8-12 month check, despite me chasing twice.

I called the HV team to decline the proposed appointment, and asked whether it was even necessary given it was almost six months later than the questionnaire suggested it should be. The woman I spoke to said it "wasn't compulsory" but that she "would have to make a note on my son's file if I refused the check up" which sounded fairly hostile.

So I asked whether they would be doing an antenatal home appointment like they did when I was pregnant with DS. They hadn't got this pregnancy noted on their system (which she sounded irritated by, is that for me to notify them of?) and she confirmed she could combine the visits, although they don't usually do home visits for the 24 month check. She couldn't organise a mutually convenient date whilst I was on the phone but confirmed a letter would be sent out proposing a new time and date for both appointments.

The post has just arrived, two new home appointments, both proposed on my due date again, but also three hours apart, so I have my appointment at 10am (and please allow an hour before and after proposed time for the HV to arrive) and my DS' appointment at 1.15pm. It seems to completely negate the benefit of combining the appointment and if I haven't had the baby by then, I won't necessarily want to wait in all day for HV. (Dogs, horses etc to do, we spend lots of time outside away from the house).

So, AIBU to be annoyed, and WIBU to just cancel both of them? I don't want to have a black mark against my name with SS, but at the same time having read through the questionnaire for DS, it seems a waste of time - one of the questions is "what do you enjoy about your child" with two lines in which to answer. I can't recall my antenatal appointment last time being helpful either, and the HV seemed affronted I wouldn't give her a tour of my home.

I don’t think those 24 / 30 month appointmentS area big deal, if they were concerned about you they would have wanted to see you before now, so I wouldn’t stress about cancelling

I’d just cancel them. It’s a silly check anyway in my opinion. It didn’t pick up my son’s autism despite me specifically mentioning my concerns.

I think as mum you’ve a better idea If anything’s not right. If you’re happy with your DC I’d not worry about it.

I'd just cancel both appointments. The HV will see you shortly after your new baby is born ( in my locality it's 10 days postnatal) so they can always combine it then? I wouldn't worry about it being a black mark with SS unless you were having input from them and had to engage with other services

3 hours apart, could it be because they have to give them each an allotted time slot and there aren't many slots left so have had to slot them in on the closest two timeslots?

^I used the word slot a lot there....

I'd just cancel them and complain at the end of the day you have a toddler/small child and are heavily pregnant they should work around you! I'd just wait until they make a home visit for your new born. The 24 month check isn't really a big deal

I would just cancel and think no more about it

I find these checks completely useless & stressful to be honest. After my daughter’s one year check up I met a mum of three on the bus & she said she never went to any of the chicken check ups & they were all doing fine. I’ve always found the health visitors a bit pushy but as they said they aren’t compulsory so I would just decline. Social services have got too much on their plate to follow anything like that up

I would call and speak to them they may only be able to allocate appointments into specific time slots but they may well be intending to combine the 2 visits. Lots of hostility on here towards health visitors as usual, they can’t work around one family all the time as they have lots of families to work around. If you don’t want the check then decline it, they are not compulsory but done with the aim to highlight any potential issues early so that they can be addressed.

I wouldn’t worry about it unless you have concerns over your child’s development they’re pointless checks anyway.

I suggest you send them a letter back advising them that, as advised on your recent telephone conversation, you have to cancel the two appointments as it your due date. And "I look forward to meeting the HV at my antenatal appointment and your sons delayed 24month check can be done then."
There is then a record on file that you have not refused the check up.
Congratulations xx

I cancelled my DDs 24 month check as she could do everything on the form they sent me and I had nothing to talk to them about; they were lovely on the phone and said it was absolutely fine. I know it’ll be noted on her health records but I don’t care so I’d cancel that one.
I was expecting some kind of visit before I had my second (I’m currently 37 weeks) as I had a few questions but it doesn’t seem likely now so will either just ask the midwife or when I see them after the baby arrives

I think there's been an error, give them a call on Monday

I had the worst HV for my first. They were born very small and tiny. Spent months on neo natal. When I came gone she MADE me do a weigh in every 2 weeks. If I didn’t go. She’d ring me and demand why I hadn’t been. It was terrifying. If my child had only put on a pound. She’s immediately refer me to the pead dr.

Finally I explained my feelings to the pead dr. She said. Just don’t go! She said hardly any HV have their own children. Please don’t make them make you feel guilty.

I never went back. It was so refreshing. But like you they would Harass me day and night if I hadn’t had my child weighed.

You won't get any kind of black mark. The 'service' (such as it is) isn't mandatory and you can opt out. They have no rights or powers and it's all entirely voluntary.

I have declined the service since my second child was a newborn and now have a third baby. There have been no consequences to this.

The ones in my local area are, frankly, dangerous. I wouldn't want them involved with my children and have the GP and nursery to discuss any concerns with.

I've never been harassed for any appointments either, I think they were glad to have us off the books!

If you are an informed person I think they are a complete waste of time.

I'm a primary school teacher with additional qualifications in early childhood development so the appointments simply allowed the HVs to "tick a box" that my son was on track and living in a clean home.

You can’t honestly believe SS operate a mark system ?
Personally I put replies in writing via email to this sort of thing pointing out how fucking stupid and pointless this admin is and a waste of public funds. Covers everyone and is offical they can’t deny it like they do with phone calls either.

What have SS got to do with this?
Anyway, OP call them and tell them again that the appointment date coincides with your due date. Tell them they are not listening to you and they need to make an appointment when you're not going to be in possible labour. If they're getting shirty with you, get shirty back. Really annoys me when people don't bloody listen. Good luck with everything!

SS have got nothing to do with it. Yes they put a note in your 'file' if you have declined the service, but that's just so they know not to contact you. SS have got bigger fish to fry than someone cancelling a HV visit.

Timetravellershat - I am sorry that you think that HVs are a waste of time for the informed person. Many of these informed people have postnatal depression or anxiety or are victims of domestic abuse - HVs have a wide role in supporting families; not just looking at child development.

Send a letter or email in ...

as advised on your recent telephone conversation, You will have to cancel the two appointments as it your due date. ...I look forward to meeting the HV at my antenatal appointment and your sons delayed 24month check can be done then."

A refusal of HV check only matters if there are issues with your child's development or something later happens. The above letter will cover you as it's not unreasonable. It doesn't sound that you don't want the check up, more that the timing is shite,

I am an informed person and had concerns related to post natal depression and behavioural needs in my child - unfortunately the HVs I saw were not only a waste of time but actively harmful to me and my mental health.

Just cancel and complain about the awful HV that threatened you with a black mark. HVs have no power or control but like to intimidate and bully vulnerable people IME.

You will probably find that the slots would be combined and have been allocated in the premise of technically the HV would have their lunch in the gap in the middle