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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you really think happens when you die?

259 replies

Tunnocks34 · 07/02/2020 13:11

I’d describe myself as agnostic. I’d like to think God exists, and heaven exists but logically I think it’s probably unlikely.

My grandads mum died this week, she was asleep really for her final days, and in the run up to her death she’s been quiet, and not really present, however, the second before she died, she opened her eyes, smiled (her face in all honestly wall almost glowing with joy) and shouted ‘Mama, Mama’ and then she died.

I’d love to think her mum came to get her and take her to heaven or an afterlife but the logics part tells me it was probably something neurological. Might ignore my logical side though because I like the other possibility better!

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/02/2020 16:54

The main thing that’s always convinced me is my DS. He’s now 30 but from when he learnt to talk he told me that he “chose” me. That he was meant to have a different mother but wanted to come to me

From the standpoint of reincarnation that makes perfect sense, @Meruem
It's not for me to impose personal beliefs on others, but it may be that his soul's journey and the lessons he needs to learn made you an ideal "fit" ... though he's already advanced pretty far if he's reached the point where he can actually choose his incarnations

PontiacBandit · 08/02/2020 16:58

After death, it's lights out and we become a memory in our living loved ones minds.

FizzyGreenWater · 08/02/2020 17:35

I knew my Great Gran - she died when I was mid 20s, she was 90-odd.

Not so unusual really when people have children in early 20s

TheoneandObi · 08/02/2020 17:36

I think there is nothing. And this is weirdly comforting. At least there's no limbo or Hell!
But I have a weird story to tell about my mother in law's death....
She's been very ill for a long time, with a degenerative form of Parkinson's. We knew the end was near. Husband went to visit her, came home, and we went to bed. Just as he was dropping off to sleep he shuddered and cried out 'Mum!' And was instantly wide awake and staring. Minutes later there's a call from the Nursing Home to tell him his Mum had died. DH is the most rational person I know. A PhD scientist who had religious faith as a child and teen because of upbringing but concluded himself that it was bunkum.
And yet at the precise moment of his Mum's death there was a connection of some kind.

Meruem · 08/02/2020 21:19

@Puzzledandpissedoff

It’s interesting you say that, as over the years some people who have met him have commented “he’s an old soul”. We’ve even always joked in our family that he was an old man in a child’s body. Whatever the case, while he has learnt some things from me, he’s also taught me a lot, so it’s been a two way street!

isitpossibleto · 08/02/2020 21:22

Everything which made life ‘life’ ceases to be. The various atomic components break down into their basic components and you became what you once were - star dust (almost) and then you’re recycled. That is the reality that we can prove. Who knows about the rest?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/02/2020 23:31

over the years some people who have met him have commented “he’s an old soul”

And that may well be exactly what he is, @Meruem ... after all, if he's already had plenty of lives it's hardly a surprise if some of the experience shows through in this one, and that he shares some of that with you Smile

Cattenberg · 08/02/2020 23:51

I think we go back to where we came from. That could be oblivion, but if it is, it’s an oblivion of complete peace. As the song goes, “We are all made of stars”.

I don’t believe in an afterlife, but occasionally I read about a case of someone accurately recounting what happened during their near-death experience, or of past life memories that are later verified, That makes me think that we don’t have all of the answers.

Out of all of the trillions of potential people, we are the tiny minority who were lucky enough to be born. We will always exist in our time and be part of the universe. When I think of the time before I was born, I realise that there was nothing scary or sinister about it. The time after I die will be the same.

Blibbyblobby · 09/02/2020 00:14

Intellectually, I believe we cease when the physical body that supports our consciousness ceases.

But I've decided to envision an "afterlife", or more accurately a "before and afterlife", where everything that had life is part of a universal single consciousness, and each life lived brings more variation and a new perspective. There's no individuals any more, no "me" to get bored of eternity, just deeper and deeper understanding. So the purpose of life is to be lived and experienced, and even the worst people or the saddest lives are cherished and valued because they bring those perspectives to the whole.

It's total made up bollocks of course, but wouldn't it be lovely if it was true?

Phoenix76 · 09/02/2020 00:21

I don’t know but when my dd was 3 she told me that before she came to us she was in a castle in the sky and a man asked her to choose a family and she chose us. She’s 6 now and has recently told me she’s been here before, she was American but could speak French as she had to travel to France and France and America were friends, she told me how she and her “friends” died in great detail, I have no idea where this came from (she has stated quite a few things as fact, school aware and mental health nurse assessed her and said she couldn’t believe that after 20 years practicing she believed that dd was telling the truth) I had goosebumps while she told me all these things, her delivery was as fact (I didn’t show any fear or surprise) but it’s made me wonder for sure.

Cattenberg · 09/02/2020 00:21

Blibbyblobby, I read a book by someone who believed in reincarnation, and he believed something similar. He wrote about people who’d (apparently) had verifiable memories of a past life, but who had somewhat different personalities to their previous selves.

I agree that it’s a lovely thought. We would be at peace, but never die and all of our learning and struggles would mean something.

SunshineAngel · 09/02/2020 00:37

I have two thoughts on this matter.

Either there's literally nothing (which terrifies me for some reason - even though I won't know anything about it. I think in my head I'm thinking of it as eternal nothingness that I'm aware of.. if that makes sense)

OR

Somehow the "soul", or some form of consciousness, continues. I don't believe in anything like Heaven or Hell, or any collective place where we all go, however what I do think is that if there is a soul, or any way that consciousness continues after death, our minds will create our own afterlife. So, everything will be perfect for each person, as they want it. I would love that to be true.

I have had a few odd experiences in my life, where I feel like I've made a real connection to someone who has passed (and they would have to be very big coincidences) which makes me think there might be something. Before these experiences I'd have been firmly in the eternal nothingness camp.

Justaboy · 09/02/2020 01:04

Phoenix76 Thats well intersting!

TeaLibrary · 09/02/2020 01:37

At the end of my life, I have absolute faith that I will be reunited with the ones that I love. Reunited in eternity with all those that I love and have lost. I get a mental image of what that place looks like and it always brings me such a sense of peace. On bad days, that image is what I cling to.

BitOfFun · 09/02/2020 05:56

I think that in our final moments we may 'see' the things we culturally expect, like a dream. But we ultimately just return to a state of nothingness.

Our notion of an everlasting soul is wishful thinking, I believe. But we live on in our atoms and energy being returned to the earth, and in the memories of people who loved us.

QueenofmyPrinces · 09/02/2020 06:10

I have been unconscious many times and although I know it’s not the same as death, when there is no consciousness there really is nothing.

I have no notion of there being “nothing” until I come round and realise I have no recollection of what it was to be unconscious.

I don’t know about the afterlife but I hope that dying is just like losing consciousness. You never know about it because you don’t wake up, but at the same time there is no fear or awareness of it having happened because your brain has just switched off.

catnidge · 09/02/2020 06:24

I have been close to death. I remember thinking 'I'm going to die' and feeling sad and scared that my family weren't with me and I wouldn't get to see them. However, as I was waiting for the GA (emergency surgery) I suddenly felt incredibly calm and well. I felt everything would be OK for them and it was fine for me to leave them. I felt very floaty. Grin I wasn't on any mind altering drugs at that point.

Anyway, I am lucky enough to still be here, so don't know about the afterlife. I am very sorry for your loss though and that they passed peacefully

Mrstwiddle · 09/02/2020 07:05

I believe in life after death, in heaven and hell as unfashionable as that is. And yes, that’s probably due at least in part to my religious upbringing, but like a pp said, what is the point if there’s no afterlife?

stellabelle · 09/02/2020 07:20

Logically I believe that our atoms go back to whence they came.

And yet when my best friend was dying last year, I sat holding her hand and I said to her " You're going on a journey soon , and when you get to where you are going, wait for me and I'll be along soon to join you". I really meant it in that moment , and her smile made me believe that it could be true. I know it is wishful thinking, but when you are right there with the person ,you want there to be "something after death".

PhilCornwall1 · 09/02/2020 07:22

I'm really hoping that it's the end to be honest. Being here at the moment is bad enough at times.

I must admit, when it happens, if I end up somewhere else, it'll be an "oh for fuck sake, not more of the same shit" moment.

stellabelle · 09/02/2020 07:22

MrsTwiddle

What is the point if there is no afterlife?

I guess the point is that you live the best life you can, right now, not waiting for some other life which may or may not happen.

Inthebleakmidwinterz · 09/02/2020 07:29

I’m a Christian so I believe the bible to be true and I do believe we either go to heaven or hell when we die. The bible doesn’t base this on how “good” we are though, the bible says we’re all sinners, nobody is perfect, Jesus wouldn’t have had to die if we were perfect. God wants us to go to heaven though, he loves us, so he made it easy for us, Acts 16:30,31 “...Sirs, what must I do to be saved?” “...Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved...” It’s just believing in your heart that Jesus died for your sins, and asking him to save you. Once you’re saved the bible promises we can never lose salvation. It explains it better in this short video I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother op Flowers Maybe she did see her Mum, maybe they were saved.

PhilCornwall1 · 09/02/2020 07:32

If that's the case, I'd rather not be saved. I'm more than happy for there to be nothing.

oldfashionedtastingtea · 09/02/2020 08:03

I have a memory of a past life (not a nice memory though). I have no idea what happens when you die or how it happens.