Not wanting to celebrate valentines due to granddads death?

[Valentinesblues]

I had a pretty hectic childhood and ended up living with my grandad from the age of 12 and life was perfect.

He was my world and after years of him fighting for me i found him dead on Valentine’s Day. A healthy man in his late 50s just died in his sleep.

He was like my dad and he referred to me as the daughter he always wanted etc.

The first few years that he was gone I was an absolute mess but these days I just seem to reflect on valentines.

This is my AIBU. My partner keeps going on valentines is a big thing for him and that he’s sure I can learn to ‘enjoy it’. Last year was nice, we just ate nice food in front of the tele all snuggled up. I find it completely disrespectful the idea of putting on sexy underwear and having a dirty weekend away, which he has suggested. I do not want a card saying ‘happy valentines’ as it’s the death of the man I loved the most.

AIBU just to say that Valentine’s Day isn’t in my calendar and we don’t need a commercial holiday and that’s the last I want to hear about it.

We dont celebrate valentine's day. It's a commercial money making scheme. My mil died 2 days before my birthday 5 years ago. It still affects my husband now. He doesnt want to celebrate my birthday which is perfectly understandable.

@OralBee That's so true. I would love to celebrate Valentines that way (I'm envious as it's no longer possible for us with our 2DDs). This is about her partner wanting his own way.

YANBU. Valentine day holds no meaning whatsoever. If your DP wants to take you away for a weekend then why do it that weekend and not a random weekend any other time of year? A romantic break or flowers etc means so much more when it's not expected or demanded and doesn't require anybody to do something they don't want to. Personally if it were my DP and he expected me to dress up in sexy underwear just to please him he'd be out the door with my bootprint on his arse.

I think it is extreme you won't allow him to buy you a card (commercial or not - isn't really the point).

Oh. I'm an extremist too then.
Nobody I know died on 14th Feb, but I loathe being bought a card on valentine's day, I loathe the whole revolting spectacle of manufactured romance, & I loathe the notion of expressing love & appreciation by rote because it's 'expected' or because 'everyone else does it.'

It being commercial is EXACTLY the point.

But for what is it worth, would your much loved Grandad prefer you to wallow in misery or embrace life?

I imagine OP embraces life 364 days a year @Peakypolly, & who is suggesting that her one day a year of remembrance & contemplation for her beloved GP is a "wallow in misery"?

Plus, what is so life-embracing about a b/f who wants a "dirty weekend away" (bleugh) & feels that OP should "learn to enjoy it" (bleugh, BLEUGH)?

I find the whole Hallmark holiday thing very contrived and the whole "romance" aspect seems too much like women being pushed into agreeing to sex because a man actually did a nice thing for them. I am very cynical and grumpy though.

Nah, cynical & grumpy does it for me @DontDribbleOnTheCarpet.
Wanna come round mine next Friday for some cheap sweets & a chance to get lucky?

I think it is extreme you won't allow him to buy you a card (commercial or not - isn't really the point)

Why? I've never bought one and I've told DP not to waste his money on one because it means nothing. I tell him everyday I love him and he tells me the same. Feb 14 is just another day as far as we are concerned so no need for a card.

I think he is being selfish.
I would say look it is the anniversary of the death of the man that raised me, we can pick a different day to do our own Valentine's on, in a different month and do everything you want to do for Valentine's then, but I cannot do it on that day because of what it is for me.
If he couldn't or wouldn't accept that I would leave tbh, because a relationship is built on trust and understanding, with some give and take and it would be clear to me that he would only taken.

Sadly people die on significant days.

I have had to go out to celebrate my FIL's birthday on the same day as my Mum died years before I met him.

Its tough, I get no consideration as my IL's are weird like that but I have to paint on a smile and go.

She also passed away on the same day as a good friend of hers birthday.

Suggest another day but I don't think he is in the wrong necessarily.

He sounds very immature basically, going on about it like that. I can imagine him saying'It's not fair' like my DDs would. When someone you claim to love says they don't want to do something, don't pester them until they give in to keep the peace. What's romantic about a weekend away with someone who is there under sufferance and is feeling resentful?

If the DP can't cope with not celebrating Valentine's Day, then maybe he should find a girlfriend who wants to celebrate it. DH and I do, though we don't bother about it so much now.)