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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Made to feel guilty that I kept my child off for a bad cold.

42 replies

ADJ1151 · 07/02/2020 09:24

Not just a mild cold. Full blown green snot, really congested, complaining of headache, coughing, gunky eyes. Slight fever when it all started but okay now. Hasn’t slept much either.

DS generally has good attendance and doesn’t have too much time off. But really struggles when he has a cold (thankfully not that often). He has sensory issues and can’t deal with the sensation of a blocked or runny nose, cannot wipe or blow his own nose. He constantly wipes his face when he has a cold and makes it really sore and dry. Last time it was that sore it got so cracked and bled. A few years ago it led to him catching impetigo off another child through the open sore on his face. I need to keep moisturising his skin so it doesn’t get as sore this time. They won’t allow moisturiser to be taken into school.. nor can he put it on himself.

I’m hoping a weekend of recovery will do him good for Monday morning.

Aibu to have kept him off? The school said we discourage children being kept off with colds.

I sent Dd with a mild cold last week but she can clean herself up and doesn’t struggle so much.

OP posts:
BottleOfJameson · 07/02/2020 09:38

YANBU, one day off will do him no harm, help him recover and stop a few other kids catching it. A "cold" can be anything from a slight sniffle to a temperature and being stuck in bed so you can't unilaterally say you'll never need a day off for a cold.

formerbabe · 07/02/2020 09:42

Colds can be really mild and also really debilitating. Yanbu. I'd probably say 'virus' rather than cold and mention the temperature too.

Digitalash · 07/02/2020 09:49

YANBU, you know your own child and what is best for them. School can shove it.

mbosnz · 07/02/2020 09:59

If my child is miserable and sick, whether it be with a cold or D&V, I keep them home. They're not going to be able to competently function, and with the 'cold' we've had, they're also pretty damned distracting to others with the coughing fits. Percentage wise, our attendance for one is not great. Results and engagement wise, she's outstanding. At Parent Teacher interviews we got told 'keep doing what you're doing'. So we will. If they're sick enough for me to think everyone would be better off if they stayed home, they stay home.

JosefKeller · 07/02/2020 10:03

there was a thread about a poster who couldn't be arsed to take the kids to school because she "over slept". She was clearly taking the piss (and starting a smug thread about it clearly over the top).

Your kid is miserable with a bad headache? Of course keep him home, he won't be able to concentrate on anything anyway. Adults have to push through despite feeling like crap, your kid is just a child, you can keep him, do it and do not feel guilty. He's not well enough to learn!
Do some reading of some king on Sunday when he's feeling better.

moochew · 07/02/2020 10:04

I never tell the school why my kids are off - not fit to attend and that's it!

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 07/02/2020 10:04

YANBU - I think bad colds are horrible!

Also, you dont want him to pass it around to everyone else either

lavenderhidcote · 07/02/2020 10:06

Who is making you feel guilty? No one can make you feel guilty if you are not! Your son is unwell, he is at home being looked after instead of being miserable at school and spreading his germs around. Of course YANBU, quit the guilt!

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 07/02/2020 10:08

You are his mother, it's your decision. Next time just say thanks, but he's really not well enough to come to school

Glitterblue · 07/02/2020 10:17

I'm feeling the same guilt today, DD has woken up with an awful sore throat, headache and feeling generally weak and rubbish, I think it's a cold but she isn't all that snotty yet. She's just wanting to lie on the couch under a blanket and she has a bit of a fever so she's not feeling fit for school. We had a letter just after Christmas saying they want kids to be at 96% attendance and DD is at 93. The problem is, she suffers from migraines so I think she's missed 3 days due to those, and she was very premature so her immune system is awful, although it's improving as she gets bigger. She has had 2 days off for tonsillitis and now this. She was off last Thursday with a migraine. She absolutely can't go with one, I get them too and I know what they're like. She's fit for nothing today, I couldn't send her out like this, but because of getting that letter, I'm worried. Her last school never sent one, they made allowances because of her prematurity.

nevermorelenore · 07/02/2020 10:17

Sod them. I wouldn't want to go to work with a bad cold, and school is tough when you're a kid. It's miserable having a cold.

SunshineAngel · 07/02/2020 10:21

I always remember when I was at school, I had a couple of days off, and a girl asked me why when I got back, so I said I had a cold .. she was in shock and said "Wow, why would anyone stay off school for a cold?!" which led me to believe she can never have had a rotten cold.

For some reason, and I've never worked out why, when I get a cold it seems to affect me badly. Aching, running nose and sneezing constantly, bad headache, absolutely knackered .. as an adult I try and keep going as far as possible, but as a child, the thought of going into school feeling like that was just horrible.

Plus, if the kid's ill, they won't enjoy their day, probably won't take much in because they just want to go home, and then probably passes the thing round the whole school to boot.. and there's always the chance that there's kids there with immune disorders for whom a common cold could be serious - it's not worth the risk if they're feeling really poorly!

cavabiensepasser · 07/02/2020 10:34

Made to feel guilty? How?
Do you actually FEEL guilty? Do you actually give a shit about what they say?

Hmm

School (and people) can say whatever they like, and you are free to ignore it. Which I think you should.

tenlittlecygnets · 07/02/2020 10:36

Who made you feel guilty???

You did the right thing. You know your dc. Sounds like a horrid cold. Be confident in your decisions and don't let anyone make you feel guilty.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 07/02/2020 10:36

Who has 'made you' feel guilty?

Ginseng1 · 07/02/2020 10:42

Exactly why do feel 'guilty'? This is a pointless post. You are asking if you should send your kid to school sick who will say yes send him in sick & miserable?! And why even tell the school it was a' cold' if you know they said that. Groan

Original poster
ADJ1151 · 07/02/2020 10:48

Thanks all. The school have a problem with absence rates and want to get their percentage up overall. Generally my two have good attendance but they are desperate for kids to be in unless absolutely necessary and questioning why they are off. DS was poorly a few weeks ago too and had a bug a while ago. His attendance hasn’t been as good this year compared to previous years!

OP posts:
Stressedout10 · 07/02/2020 10:58

Yadnbu to keep him off.
Re the cracked dry skin on his nose can I suggest germolene instead of moisturiser as it will help him create 1 of those really thin scabs like you get on friction burns, this will prevent any further damage to the skin from repeatedly blowing or rubbing of the nose and preventing infection.
This was the best piece of advice I ever got from my dermatologist (psoriasis sufferer) and works like a dream though stings at first. It usually takes a day or two to do it's job and you just put it on once in the morning and once at night until it's scabed up (can be hard to see as its so thin) and then you're good for a week to 10 days

Emmelina · 07/02/2020 11:01

We’ve all had the most horrible cold this past couple of weeks. Eldest (12) just deals with it and went off to school no problem. Youngest two each had a day off very early on because it started with a headache and horrible scratchy sore throat and they were just miserable.
They’re ill, don’t feel bad.

Streamside · 07/02/2020 11:04

Your child and in this case you certainly know best.

FelicityFebruary · 07/02/2020 11:04

I'd say ( and have done) the child is off due to fever and missing a nights sleep/ coughing all night.

Its not " just a cold" is it? No need for guilt.

mbosnz · 07/02/2020 11:07

You're there to act in the best interests of your child. The school's attendance rates is not a factor in what is in the best interests of your child.

HillAreas · 07/02/2020 11:20

Well the school are being ridiculous for the following reasons

  1. He’s going to learn fuck all in that state
  2. They are not in a position to properly care for him
  3. He would just spread it to other kids
  4. It will take longer to recover if he’s not allowed to rest, meaning the not learning and the spreading lasts longer
  5. He will disrupt the others with his coughing, spluttering, and general in wellness
Poppinjay · 07/02/2020 11:21

The school have a problem with absence rates and want to get their percentage up overall.

This is fine until they start prioritising their attendance figures over the best interests of the children.

Your son was clearly too unwell to attend. You have prioritised and met his needs which is your job. Nothing more to be said.

RB68 · 07/02/2020 11:25

They send these letters out because that is what they are measured on but these measures don't take into account those that have health issues or have other issues like sensory ones related to other matters. Do what is right for your child, if they push hard push back with safeguarding - your child is ill, they are not medics.

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