Are they being CF or are we?

[being40]

Okay last weekend we went to see SIL her DH and their three children. Two hour drive to their pub.
They have had the pub 18 months. As background SIL's DH's mum told me in an aside she felt I'd was a total vanity project. Said she was annoyed her son and DIL had spent £10k on the tenancy at a time when they had young children because her parents had a pub and she hated it.
So the other weekend DH and I along with our young DH went to see them at their pub. They are - as SIL's MIL predicted - giving up the pub.
My DH is very generous - and we had a meal at their pub and he offered to pay. So we did £100 - our half of the meal.
They never come to ours by the way - citing work and their age of their DH.
Now am IBU by expecting at least some of the meal on the house - the kid's pizzas or something.
My parents had a restaurant and never expected close family to pay. If they insisted my father would charge a minimum amount.
My mum thinks what happened was outrageous especially as we keep inviting them to ours...
My dish was a sludgy vegan burger although the chips were okay. I would have complained if it had not been their pub.

But it's their livelihood - assiming you ate in the pub not in their private accommodation?

I really don't think this is something to get worked up over. You had a meal and paid for it, would have been nice to be offered it free it you can hardly expect it. If you'd eaten elsewhere you would have surely paid your way. I don't think their choice to buy the pub or not is any of your business. Sounds like you resent them. Not sure why your mum is involved either? I think you're over thinking it massively.

It's their business it may not run to family freebies.

You had a burger, your children had pizza. What did your DH have for the bill to come to £100?

YABU. You eat in a restaurant, you pay in full for the food regardless of who owns said restaurant.

3 kids meals what £10 each with a drink?
Veggie burger and a drink - £20 max in a pricey pub

So your DHs meal and drink was about £50!!! what did he have - half a cow??!

So this is your husband's sister? They shouldn't have charged you anything! How very mean of them and a very strange way to treat family who had made the effort to go and visit them.

Toucan123 It’s a restaurant.

They probably can’t afford to cover your lunch. If they’re giving up the pub it’s probably because they’re not making enough money. In an ideal world it would have been nice if they’d offered but you shouldn’t expect it.
One upside is you won’t have to go again so just let this one go. No one is being a CF.

I have a similar business
It would be nice to be able to treat family and friends but that would have to come out of your own pocket. It’s also money that the business loses out on, of you have non-paying customers sitting there, then there’s no space for the customers who will pay.
Fortunately my friends are v understanding, they actually come in to give us the business.
If you would usually have gone out for dinner with them then yabu, if they would usually have hosted you in their own home, you can be forgiven for being a bit miffed at forking out £100.

If you’re sat in the pub, then you pay, round the dining table then I guess it’d be free.

I would not have expected it for nothing but definitely would not expect to pay full price, a few quid off the price would not have gone amiss, at least let the kids cheap meals go on the house. They are his Nieces/Nephews.

Let me get this straight. You keep inviting them to yours but they never come - so they don't cost you anything. You went to theirs and ate in the pub restaurant and paid full price, plus the travel costs.

Neither of you is a CF. As a PP said, they are probably losing money on the pub so can't afford to sub you £100. Of course it would have been nice if they'd at least stood you a drink or two but it's not entering into CF territory by a long way. Anyway, the situation isn't likely to recur if they are giving up the pub.

shytown good point. I didn't expect the meal for free and we've hosted them loads of times DH has a foodie business and gives them his stuff (preserves) free.

I'd have expected to pay my share - it would have been nice of them to maybe give a discount, but ultimately they're running a business.

I don't see what all the other stuff at the start of your post has got to do with anything, but to answer your question on who was the CF here I think it is probably you for presumably ordering either a hell of a lot of food and/or the most expensive things on the menu and expecting it for free. Perhaps, like me your in-laws are generous until someone takes the utter piss.

I love how in these Whitney threads the food is always terrible but the person ‘just couldn’t say anything’

Don’t offer to pay then 🤷‍♀️

So stop inviting them around and giving them freebies. It doesn't sound as if you like them very much.

YABU. As you say, they took on the tenancy so they don’t own the pub. Considering the prices, I would have suggested to them that you all ate elsewhere.

Your DH offered to pay so I don’t think they were rude to let him pay.

We know a few people who have pubs/restaurants. It’s probably one of the first rules for any person in the business that you don’t start (or finish in their case) giving freebies. Sure it would have been nice if they’d given you a free coffee or drink but giving stuff away for free is the road to ruin.

Once they’ve given up the business perhaps they’ll have you for a meal at their house. At that point they will hopefully not present you with a bill.

I run a business. There's a saying...

"Friends and family will ask for a discount/freebie. True friends and close family will pay the full price".

It would have been for them to offer, but they didn't because this is their livelihood. Sorry.

I'm in the minority but I wouldn't expect family to charge me full price either, do people really wanna make a profit off of their family coming to visit them?

I'm from a culture that is very family orientated though so it may be different depending on what country you live in.

Is this all you have to moan about ?