to want to make a badge that says "shut up and fuck off"

[TheStars]

I’m 48, peri-menopausal and fast running out of the fluffy caring hormones. We have elderly frail parents and energetic primary school children. The classic sandwich. I just don’t have the energy to give a shit about much anymore. A colleague going on and on about her child’s swimming gala timing scandal . A dull work meeting about a potential restructure . A school run mum bemoaning the lack of cross country running opportunities in schools these days . DH pontificating about gut health .

Bar a few close friendships, I’m just not enjoying general social interaction anymore. I feel enraged by them. Like they are leeching precious energy out of me.

I want a badge that says “shut up and fuck off”. It would be for people’s own safety more than anything else. More in the sense of a medical bracelet rather than to just be rude. When the need arises, I would show the irritant my badge and they will swiftly obey it, recognising the potential medical emergency that it is.

Would you like this badge too? I can order them in for us. Who do you need to show it to?

I'll have a badge too, please. I work somewhere where (the horror!) I have to be nice to people almost all the time. It's very challenging.

I'd also like to wear "no fucks given" socks or pants, if you could arrange that too?

and @ PerkingFaintly
In fact, I haven't seen or spoken to another human being since Tuesday, and I still need one of these
it's only Wednesday. Or possibly very early on Thursday, so that's not a MASSIVE achievement. Unless you're talking about some Tuesday last June???

I turned down an evening out with friends recently. When asked several times why I was coming I decided not to make up an ‘I’ve already got plans’ type of excuse and replied ‘because I don’t want to’ - it felt GREAT! I’m a single parent, full time very stressful job, I’m exhausted, why should I need to fabricate a reason not to do something?! I just don’t have the time, energy, inclination, money to do something I really don’t want to do and am going to own up to it more! A badge would help - thank you!

Yes please!

My in-laws live in my annexe and are completely lovely but just don't pick up on when it's time to leave me alone!

I'm a SAHP and they are retired so I see them a lot.
Once every 2 weeks my babies are out for an afternoon and I want to lay on the sofa watching crap tv. Not talk about radio 4, Harry and Meghan and the latest shit show roadworks!!!

Can I order a badge too please?

I'd like to propose a few amendments to it, if I may be so bold:

A little switch which turns on flashing lights around the circumference of the badge and a loud house alarm type siren, for those times when some people need an extra little hint.

OR/AND:

A little 'record' button on the back of the badge to record audio of yourself screaming 'Shut up and fuck OFFFFFFFF' which can be pressed for those extra special times in your life when a badge to read is too hard a concept for some muppets.

Yes, I realised after I wrote that that the day was Wednesday. I've lost track of time while dreaming up fitting punishments for twunts and thought it was Thursday or Friday.

Although I probably won't see or speak to anyone till next Tuesday either, unless there's a delivery.

You'd think being alone would make life feel blissfully twunt-free, but no! It just means less dilution of the twunts! If someone talks to me at all, it's usually the DWP fucking me around, a utility company fucking me around, a scammer, a tradesman fucking me around...

I worry I'm actually becoming a sociopath because the number of Not-Twunts I interact with in a month is sooooo low.

Yep. For when I go into a shop to browse and am not left the fuck alone by sales assistants asking if I want help. Except when I do want help, then they are nowhere to be found of course.

^^

Some assistant in a shop the otherdday kept saying to me 'look around, take your time, take your time!!'

Wtaf. Just fuck off.

P. S I'll expect my badge in the mail, ta

Badge for me too, please.
It will go very nicely on my ‘ I Know It All ‘ T-shirt.

3am and I haven't been to sleep yet, thanks to a selection of poorly kids and a dh still fighting off the flu. I'll be needing one of those badges in the morning for the safety of anyone thinking about approaching me before I've had my 5th coffee.

Do you remember the buttons from Staples that said “that was easy” in a really annoying voice (or was it just us poor mugs in the USA that had to put up with them). Well I would like to take your marvelous idea and put into a button. So you have the satisfaction of slamming your hand on the button and a voice booms out “shut up and fuck off”. The only question is who to use for the voice.

Yep, please make sure the ring you guys design is in relief mirror writing. So I can effectively stamp it into people’s faces and spread the word!

I was dealing with a family grave plot recently (don’t ask) and was asked about the option of doubling up (burying one person deeper to allow another later above). I said ‘Oh God no!’ in a voice that came from deep within. The blessing of being dead is not being near ANY other person, forever. Not even my kin. Most days, especially not my kin.

I can TOTALLY identify. I don't have the mental energy to expend on anyone I don't strictly have to these days. Work in a customer facing role (and honestly love it) and losing my patience with those customers who are taking the piss. Just stop it. The badge could work

Is there a child friendly version?

Seatoski I had one of those buttons from Staples! Great idea, it would be very satisfying. How about Jo Brand for the voice? She sounds so much like she has no fucks left to give.

I had a poster in my office:

"Stop bothering me, I've run out of places to hide the bodies"

I've been retired nearly 2 weeks and am definitely more mellow,
but I'm single, no kids and no responsibilities
< skips for joy >

Those like the OP in a sandwich, with a long way to go before retirement ..... sympathies; it must totally SUCK
but eventually your "me time" shall come

Yes please, I'll have one. Aged 53, through the menopause, all the 'caring' hormone has fucked off. I get in a rage just walking through the town these days, when people are meandering along (usually with mouths hanging open) and I'm in a hurry. Or the middle aged man who barges past like a heat-seeking missile in slacks, so he can get to the checkout before me.
Actually, no one has to do anything to enrage/bore me, it just seems my default setting these days. My favourite t-shirt has 'I'd prefer not to' on the front.

This has made me snort coffee down my nose. Yeah - would love a shut up and fuck off badge. Would use it everywhere. Brilliant.

This reminds me of my teenage son. We had some t shirts printed for an event. He looked through them and said what a shame. I want one that says 'fuck off. No more questions'

If you’re making i’ll buy one.

Stamp, button, t shirt - whatever you make,
I want one!

Flu + end of term knackered + hate my job. I just want some blissful silence and space. I want there to be no words, requests or demands anywhere near me.

I have a DILLIGAF t-shirt and wear it often

I have an assistance dog who wears a fluorescent orange jacket with ' do not pet,do not distract. I'm working' in strategic places.
I'm thinking of getting myself a bandana which says ' do not touch my owner bites' for all the sick heads who for some inexplicable reason it doesn't apply to them

It especially applies to you mate.

dick heads
FFS

I'm in. Aged 51 and any fucks left me when I began the peri menopause a few years ago.