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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Celebrating death?

33 replies

YellowDragon22 · 05/02/2020 13:19

I live in a suburb of a large city and the other night was trying to have a sensitive chat after a very traumatic event with an elderly relative on the phone. A few minutes into the conversation we were interrupted by what I thought was a gun shot, it was so loud. This was followed by a further four, then I realised it was fireworks. Extremely loud, so loud I had to stop my conversation. This went on for around 25 minutes at which point I went out to investigate.

I noticed it was a neighbours several doors away in my close and went round to complain (on a work night, late evening I thought it ridiculous).

I saw it was some sort of party and told them it was disturbing everyone locally (several other neighbours were outside, bewildered), only to be aggressively shouted at by a man-child who put his face in mine "do you know what we are celebrating?? We are celebrating the death of a child".

Well no actually, I didn't know, and to be honest I think there are far more appropriate and intelligent ways to pay tribute to someone who has sadly lost their life rather than disturb an entire neighbourhood for an extended length of time. Go to a field somewhere or an open park by all means if you have to let off these wretched things that petrify animals, but not in a built-up area. The fireworks continued for around just under an hour in all.

I'm not sorry and I still think it's stupid and selfish. Am I being unreasonable to think this is anti-social, not matter what the celebration and to expect people to be more considerate, also that it's slightly weird to celebrate a death with fireworks?

OP posts:
HopeYouStepOnALego · 05/02/2020 13:23

Maybe he just worded it badly. Usually it's a celebration of their life (no matter how short), not celebrating the fact they've died. It was inconsiderate if they let them off late at night. Funerals aren't held late, and it's dark early, so no reason why the fireworks had to be set off late.

Whynosnowyet · 05/02/2020 13:24

When my exh dies I will be celebrating in many styles.

Thanks for the suggestion..
Will be at the beach away from anyone or animals.
The death of a dc must have been awful. Grief maybe lost them lack of logic.

WalkingDeadTrainee · 05/02/2020 13:29

If it was a one off, I would let it go. Everyone deals with death differently. It also depend on how late it was.
Yabu to call him a man child

WaterOffADucksCrack · 05/02/2020 13:34

What do you think gives you the right to tell people who have lost a child how to celebrate their life/grieve? I'm sure they meant celebrating their life instead of death and you must know that. Most funerals I've been to say "a celebration of the life of X".

It's an hour or so of noise for you. The child is dead forever. What the hell is an "intelligent" way of "paying tribute"? It sounds like you lack emotional intelligence.

ViaSacra · 05/02/2020 13:34

People are allowed to set off fireworks in their private garden before 11pm.

You may not like it, but it’s completely legal. Campaign to change the law if you have a problem with it.

And as for it being weird, maybe the child loved fireworks so they’re doing it in his or her honour? People grieve in different ways.

QuarterPastMidnight · 05/02/2020 13:38

You went round to complain after 4 fireworks Shock

YABU OP!!

Boom45 · 05/02/2020 13:39

Many many cultures mourn loved ones by "celebrating" their life. It can go on for weeks and involved fireworks, eating, crying and many other things.
It's a shame your phone call was interrupted but I think a few fireworks are easier to cope with than the death of a child and they have all my sympathy

QuarterPastMidnight · 05/02/2020 13:43

Sorry I just saw it wasn't just a couple of fireworks.

I still think YABU though

WeHaveSnowdrops · 05/02/2020 13:43

It was a one off. Good grief, OP, get a grip.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 05/02/2020 13:45

to be honest I think there are far more appropriate and intelligent ways to pay tribute to someone who has sadly lost their life rather than disturb an entire neighbourhood for an extended length of time.

Yes, they should absolutely think about what's appropriate for everyone else while celebrating the time they had with their child Hmm

The minute he said that you should have apologised, went back home, and been glad that their childs death has only impacted an hour of your life.

You sound absolutely heartless.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 05/02/2020 13:48

They're celebrating the death of a child. Confused. Why does no one on here find that disturbing or am I seriously missing something.
Also, I highly doubt he'd have screamed in a burly blokes face.

Olliephaunt4eyes · 05/02/2020 13:49

YABVU. You really think that a family who have just lost their child should be primarily thinking about your ability to make a non urgent phone call in peace?

TheNewSchmoo · 05/02/2020 13:52

He obviously meant commemorating.... perhaps he was, you know, upset!

God people can be unsympathetic arseholes.

SeaViewBliss · 05/02/2020 13:54

@Awwlookatmybabyspider as others have pointed out, he probably meant celebrating the child's life.

I think this is a weird thing to get worked up and judgy about op. In the scheme of things, what was the inconvenience in comparison to losing a child?

MinkowskisButterfly · 05/02/2020 13:54

YABU for so many things. They lost their child. You come across as lacking even an ounce of empathy, nasty.

frankie001 · 05/02/2020 13:57

I shot my best friends ashes out of a cannon so I have no issues with fireworks!

wowfudge · 05/02/2020 13:57

I doubt they meant celebrate - they probably meant commemorate. What time was it? I think you probably let the fact you were having a sensitive chat about a traumatic event you were discussing on the phone overtake things.

namechange1041 · 05/02/2020 13:59

I think he's worded it wrong also, I think they were celebrating the child's life.

If it was me, I'd have told you to where to get off Smile👋

goingoverground · 05/02/2020 13:59

Would you have objected if it were a wedding or18th birthday party or 5th November? Fireworks are legal (whether they should be or not is a different matter) and they should be able to mark the loss of a child in any way they chose.

The man's aggressive behaviour was out of order though, even making allowances for grief, there is no excuse for trying to intimidate you by shoving his face in yours.

Mia1415 · 05/02/2020 14:02

I think YANBU at all. But then I think fireworks should be banned completely in residential areas apart from organised displays.

Sparklesocks · 05/02/2020 14:09

I appreciate the telephone conversation was a difficult one, but people are allowed to have firework displays on their property as long as it isn't very late at night/in the early hours. It’s unfortunate the two happened at the same time, but framing it as a distasteful reason to have fireworks doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be doing it. Your activity doesn’t trump theirs.

IckyIsAFuckingStupidWord · 05/02/2020 14:09

You say ‘late evening’. What time of the evening was this?

Foslady · 05/02/2020 14:14

What makes you think you have the right to tell other people how to mourn and cope with grief?

FuzzyAtmosphere · 05/02/2020 14:17

I don’t think YABU and I say that as someone whose child has died. However, I also don’t think others are BU to do something legal that brings them comfort in their grief.

KaptenKrusty · 05/02/2020 14:17

We have a big party always when someone dies - when my Nana died last year we had a massive 2 day event and celebrated her life we all had drinks and lots of food and people coming and going - lots of great stories about her were told!

I think the man probably worded it wrong - not celebrating death but celebrating the childs life??

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