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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask if you are dating/married to your 'type'

53 replies

hs8eug56 · 04/02/2020 22:32

for those of you in relationships are you dating your ideal 'type on paper' looks and personality based?

YABU : you are dating your type
YANBU: you are not dating your type

OP posts:

GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery · 04/02/2020 22:42

YANBU.

YES! To looks-wise and age. So my superficial 'type' I guess!

I like older guys, dark hair, brown eyes, tattooed, confident.

My DP of 5.5 years is 3 years younger, dark blond hair, beautiful blue eyes, only two tattoos and a bit shy until warmed up / comfortable around folk.

Personality-wise he's spot on though. Sensitive, kind, laid-back, same morals and very funny.

We do vote very differently though!

FizzyPink · 04/02/2020 22:49

I always said I would never date a teacher due to term time holidays, anyone who lived too far away or anyone who doesn’t love food as much as I do.
DP works the most horrendous hours, way worse than a teacher, lives the opposite side of London to me and is the fussiest person about food I know. However he is amazing and I love him.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 04/02/2020 22:52

Nope! In fact he is basically the opposite looks wise of what I would make a beeline for. I even stated on my tinder profile - no beards .

He has a beard .

He is overweight. I don't even care. When he smiles, he makes my heart flutter. I find him incredibly attractive, his intellect just completes it all for me.

I really didn't have an open mind when I was dating. But he just grew on me. Damn quickly! Been together almost 3 years, and still as happy as when we met despite him having endless stresses (including completing a 1 year PGCE, and spending this year as a NQT!).

okiedokieme · 04/02/2020 23:08

I suppose so, intelligent conversation was my number one requirement. Sense of adventure number 2

Gillian1980 · 04/02/2020 23:09

Yes, exactly the type I’m always attracted to. Thank goodness he is lovely in every aspect as well as being my type looks wise.

ChanklyBore · 04/02/2020 23:12

How do I know what “my type” is?

I’ve never made a list on paper. I think I might be very choosy as I very very rarely meet someone I think I could get jiggy with.

Thesearmsofmine · 04/02/2020 23:14

Yes married to my type. Very tall, dark hair, beard, average body(not into muscly types), kind, great with children.

StormBaby · 04/02/2020 23:15

My DH is definitely my type, tall, dark, bearded, tattooed, broad shouldered. It's a bonus that he is incredibly handsome(I am definitely punching above my weight) , openly emotional, funny and capable.

Yabadee · 04/02/2020 23:16

Yip, he’s exactly my type. Tall, bald, tattooed, kind of mean looking, but actually a total pussy cat. Hot as hell, kind, generous, thoughtful. A real bad boy gone good 😂

But don’t tell him I said all that, his head is big enough as it is. He’s the biggest pain in the ass ever, and no one has ever annoyed me as much as he does, but god I love the bones off him.

Been together 9 years and getting married next year. I can’t wait 😊

HundredMilesAnHour · 04/02/2020 23:19

It's 50:50 for me.

I'm dating a man that I met in my gym so he's definitely my type when it comes to loving exercise/working out. He's tall, blue-eyed and has a lovely smile. All things I go for. He also has a quite high-pressured responsible job (same as me) so he understands my career pressures even if he doesn't understand what I actually do. Another tick in the "my type" box.

But he's VERY reserved and introverted. I actually lost patience with him and asked him out. I've never done that before! Luckily he said yes. We have a lovely time on dates but when we're in the gym together (where there are other people around), he clams up and it's like pulling teeth. He doesn't speak to anyone in the gym apart from me (and to be honest, he doesn't speak to me that much!) He's incapable of making chitchat. He doesn't show any emotion. I'm totally opposite. I talk to everyone, I'm very extrovert. Quite fiery even. I'm usually attracted to outgoing men so no idea how I've ended up smitten by someone who's so silent and brooding. Maybe I like a challenge.

To be frank, I don't know if it's going to work. We're so different and while he's my type physically, when it comes to personality and behaviour he's as far from my usual type as you can get. I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster. I saw him on Sun and yesterday and he was just wonderful. Then I saw him tonight and he'd retreated back into his cave and I just wanted to throttle him. Usually the men I go for are very upfront about their feelings and what they want so I'm struggling to deal with Mr Silent But Brooding. I feel clueless. Then I try to remind myself that it's never worked out long term with men who are "my type" so maybe dating someone who isn't my type will be good for me and open my eyes to something new. I still want to f*ing throttle him though.

ironicname · 04/02/2020 23:19

Yes, but he still does my head in every other day.

victoriashleigh · 04/02/2020 23:23

My fiancé is the only guy of this “type” I ever dated (dark hair, beard, absolutely covered in tattoos) but turned out to be the absolute love of my life! I’d usually go for someone more “normal” and less likely to draw attention to themselves but even though he’s slightly older and grew up in a totally different countries we have so much in common — listening to the exact same bands as teenagers, etc. So glad I gave it a chance!

chesterfuckingdrorrs · 04/02/2020 23:30

No!
Type is older, dark hair full head hair, tattoos, slim. Bit of an arsehole bad boy persona but nice to close friends

DH is younger, not a lot of hair from an early age. No tatts, huge muscular build. Looks menacing but is the biggest gently giant known and just the nicest guy ever. Even my own family prefer him to me 😂
We're pretty much polar opposites in every single way.

Boom45 · 04/02/2020 23:38

He's very different to the men I dated before we got married but he's perfect for me. The only thing that I'd say is a deal breaker in a bloke is politics though - I couldn't be with a man who wasn't compassionate politically. They don't have to vote the same as me or believe what I do but I couldn't be with someone who I fundamentally disagreed with on the basics. And politically we're very similar.

mynameiswah · 05/02/2020 00:21

YANBU

My type has always been the slim, long haired, rocker type. Kind of like Keanu or Eddie Vedder.

This kind of guy has never once paid me any attention!

My DP is short, overweight, balding and ginger! But we connected deeply as soon as we first met. And he's an artist, a rocker, plays guitar and loves cats, so all is good!

EL8888 · 05/02/2020 00:23

Yep. Apart from the fucking beard!

Ikora · 05/02/2020 02:47

Yes physically as tall, slim with dark hair and blue/green eyes and olive toned skin
As a person yes as very intelligent, he is a Professor, has a similar sense of humour to me and has a lovely speaking voice. He isn’t perfect as he is a bit messy, not horribly so but I like a very tidy house.

JolieOBrien · 05/02/2020 03:08

No I am not ... I always liked tall dark haired men. I am now married to someone who is blonde and of average height. Sometimes it is personality that attracts you not looks.

UndecidedOne · 05/02/2020 05:11

Yep to both. Tall, not too lean and has a nice beard. I'm also a bit of a homebody and so is my husband. We play board games and watch our favourite shows together. Of course we both have our different hobbies that we don't do together, but it is perfect.

One thing I must note, we are both stubborn. More so me than him. It's something I work on every day and I think I'm getting better :)

Auridon4life · 05/02/2020 05:18

Im a gamer he's a gamer he won't shut up tho when I'm dungeoning. I need me xp bonus and to complete all of the fallout New Vegas dlc.

florababy34 · 05/02/2020 05:24

My type is good looking nerdy, intelligent guys with glasses, tall and academically minded. But I don't know if that's only because that's how DH is.. my other boyfriends have been nothing like that, so it's hard to say.

Longdistance · 05/02/2020 05:34

Not at all.

I love hugely tall men, but they seem to like short women. I’m tall, dh is only an inch taller than me. He’s also blonde, I like dark haired men. Though my dh likes the things I do and has a wicked sense of humour. Our outlook on life is very similar too.

BoomZahramay · 05/02/2020 05:46

Physically, absolutely yes. My type is manly build with a boyish face.

I don't think i have a type when it comes to personality.

dwum · 05/02/2020 05:57

Physically, and hobbies wise, YABU.
I always went for men who were taller than me, (I am quite tall) brown eyes, brown haïr. DH is shorter than me, very blue eyes and is obsessed with technology (I have absolutely no interest in anything that he is interested in).

He is incredibly kind, intelligent, patient and a great DH and DF to our kids. He makes me chuckle a lot.

And he adores me (which is entirely mutual).

MsJuniper · 05/02/2020 06:01

Looks wide, DH was my type in terms of height and build when we met (tall and lean, slightly androgynous) - though I had always liked long hair on men and he had a shaved head. Over the years he became slightly less lean and a LOT more hairy but I think my taste has evolved or else I've learned to love that too. I still think he's the handsomest man I've ever met.

Personality wise he was (and is) exactly my type - funny, clever, feminist, caring. We share a very similar outlook on life and that has got us through the difficult times.

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