She was slapped

[GrannyBags]

I’m being made to feel that I’m over reacting to this but I’m sure I’m not! My niece was slapped by another girl on the school bus today. Apparently she was being annoying and the other girl got cross. My SIL is playing it down. She doesn’t want to talk to either the school or the other girl’s parents. I am very concerned- I’ve never slapped anyone in my life and I can’t see that letting this girl get away with it is the right thing. Most normal people don’t react to getting cross with someone by slapping them across the face do they? My son was a witness but wants to stay out of it. I can understand him feeling like this but surely the adults should do something?

Martian is it OK for someone to give you a slap hard enough to leave a mark because they think you are annoying? If you came on here and said your husband did that people would be up in arms but because it is a child it is OK - I don't think so.

Plz be very careful here as you're not the parent and your concern could backfire on you if you undermine the parents.
Realistically as it was on the school bus, would that be classed as being in school? Did the bus driver see it? Perhaps a parent might discretely mention the incident to the head.
Maybe there's something going on in the other childs life the school are aware of, maybe she's a bully. Certainly she should not be going around slapping other children.

Butt out and let the kids sort it out themselves.

Maybe your SiL doesn't want you (or anyone) to know the exact details. Not that it excuses slapping but what if your niece was 'silly singing' "Mary is a fatty/ugly/dresses weird" or "Mary is a "? Not that I'm saying she was, of course, but just that there may be more to this than appears.

I just find it hard that a mother wouldn't, at the very least, call the school about the incident unless they felt their child, I don't want to say was at fault, but contributed to the other child's upset in some way.

Again, I'm not condoning violence, bullying, or teasing another child.

I'd trust the judgement of your DSIL, niece and DS. All of them probably know more about this than you and it's their decision how to proceed. Are you in the habit of questioning your DSIL's parenting choices and getting involved in them?

What was 'singing in an annoying way' ? If it was singing at the back of the bus minding her own business then the slap was out of order. If she was taunting the other girl and shouting singing right in her face then 🤷🏻‍♀️

When an old lady slapped DS on the bus to “indicate he should give up his seat for a girl” we reported it to the police. They took it very seriously and told him to call 999 if he saw her again.

They were quite stern about the fact we called the local community police number.

An adult slapping a child is a lot different to a child slapping a child.

I think the fact that the children concerned are 12 years old, not 5, means that the violent response really isn't okay. By that age, a child really should have learned how to exercise self control in situations like that/. My DD1 (10) lashes out when she's in a state (she has adoption related attachment issues and some SEN) but we give her consequences as we wouldn't be doing her any favours if we allowed her to think that lashing out with violence was in any way acceptable behaviour.