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AIBU?

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Original poster

She was slapped

62 replies

GrannyBags · 04/02/2020 20:41

I’m being made to feel that I’m over reacting to this but I’m sure I’m not! My niece was slapped by another girl on the school bus today. Apparently she was being annoying and the other girl got cross. My SIL is playing it down. She doesn’t want to talk to either the school or the other girl’s parents. I am very concerned- I’ve never slapped anyone in my life and I can’t see that letting this girl get away with it is the right thing. Most normal people don’t react to getting cross with someone by slapping them across the face do they? My son was a witness but wants to stay out of it. I can understand him feeling like this but surely the adults should do something?

OP posts:
Sickofpineneedles · 04/02/2020 21:05

I'd be more worried that your sister minimises violence to her daughter? What kind of parents or childhood did you both have?

I'm quite pragmatic I know that kids of you g primary age will experience some violence or aggression from their peers but I expect the school to deal with it.

At 12 however I would expect them to have learnt to control themselves and would be livid if this happened to my daughter.

If you get the opportunity I'd speak to your niece and check how she's doing.

Snailandthewhale · 04/02/2020 21:07

@TeddybearBaby it's all the emotion combined that makes it so hard to deal with, how scared my niece/your son must have felt, how embarrassed they must have felt, how helpless. It makes me so angry.

Sorry your son went through it and the bully's basically got away with it.
They'll grow up to be wastes of space.

99problemsandthecatis1 · 04/02/2020 21:08

Meh, we used to slap each other when we were that age. My friends and I that is. Was sort of the go to response. We're all perfectly normal and healthy adults now. I'm very glad our parents didn't get involved, would have made a mountain out of a molehill.

AlwaysCheddar · 04/02/2020 21:08

Even if your DN was singing out of tune, as annoying and rude (on a bus) as that would be , that’s not reason to slap someone. Did your DN know the girl?

Ponoka7 · 04/02/2020 21:09

So your Son agrees that your niece was goading the other girl?

If that's the case, then it'll teach your neice to keep out of other peoples faces. The noise level when some teen girls are around is ridiculous. There's no consideration for anyone else.

It's easy to focus on the physical, but it's not OK to goad people.

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 04/02/2020 21:10

Wow - I’d be absolutely raging!

Snailandthewhale · 04/02/2020 21:10

It's not ok to hit people, at any age

BecauseReasons · 04/02/2020 21:12

There's always that little part of you that wonders why a child's go to response is violence, where did they learn that.

They don't need to learn it- it's an in-built response to anger for many animals, including us. We learn to control it.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/your-neurochemical-self/201705/animal-anger%3famp

Martian11 · 04/02/2020 21:13

This reply has been deleted

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TeddybearBaby · 04/02/2020 21:15

@Snailandthewhale yes that’s very true. Thank you, I hope your niece is in a good place now too 💐

5zeds · 04/02/2020 21:15

@Snailandthewhale well obviously but 12 is rather different to 5 now isn’t it?

AnotherMonthAnotherName · 04/02/2020 21:16

Whatever your niece was doing is not the point. The other girl should not have slapped her, unless it was in self defence.
However, she is not your child, and, however unreasonable you or I or anyone here thinks she is being, your sister gets to make the call re: what to do about it.
Be there for your niece as much as you can is all you can do.

ThatThereWoman · 04/02/2020 21:16

my dd got attacked on the way home from school - I reported it to the police! It is assault and it needs to be taken seriously. There was slapping and hair pulling and the like. It isn't acceptable at any age.

Snailandthewhale · 04/02/2020 21:18

I don't know many 5 year olds that get a school bus @5zeds

Snailandthewhale · 04/02/2020 21:20

@TeddybearBaby she is now thank you! Thanks

5zeds · 04/02/2020 21:20

Loads of kids take transport round here. HTH

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2020 21:21

Perhaps your SIL knows the full story and you don't?

Or perhaps your niece has told your mum she thinks it'll make the situation 100 times worse.

On the face of it YANBU but there could be more to it. Either way, your SIL jumping in if your niece doesn't want her to at this point, could ruin her trust in her mother.

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2020 21:22

*Her mum

ActualHornist · 04/02/2020 21:22

At 12 I was a raging hormonal mess, and I slapped a boy, hard, across the face when he called me 'the worst girl in the whole school'. 12 year olds are not 'most normal people' - they are almost teens filled with bags of hormones making them react irrationally. It's not an excuse but it is a reason.

No I shouldn't have done that. But I've never slapped anyone before or since, I never bullied anyone. I was punished at school for it (my only ever punishment really).

An instance of violence doesn't necessarily mean the child is exposed to abuse, it doesn't really mean anything in the grand scheme of things.

Would I be happy with it? No. Would I be going to the police and threatening a criminal record? Also no. Would I be speaking to the school and asking that they a) keep an eye out; b) have words with girl who did the slapping; and c) be speaking to my neice to make sure she's ok and ask her what she wants? Yes. One instance of slapping isn't bullying.

1forsorrow · 04/02/2020 21:26

The thing is this girl needs to understand that she could get a criminal record for this, it is an assault. It is no kindness to let her get away with it, I would report to the school. It happened to my GS and the bus driver reported to the school and the child got a detention and a talking to.

Lifeinthedeep · 04/02/2020 21:31

It starts with one slap. This can easily turn into serious physical bullying and needs to be nipped in the bud right away. Before you know it they’ll all be slapping her because- ‘she’s annoying’, ‘she’s weird’, ‘she’s different from us’, ‘it’s sooo funny’. Also, because no one wants to be on the opposing side of slappy bitch.

Honestly, if that were my child I’d be absolutely raging. You should make sure she’s banned from the school bus as she’s clearly not mature enough to be unsupervised- I’ve seen children banned for much less (throwing an Apple).

Snowfalling20 · 04/02/2020 21:32

Of course she’s going to be worried and not want to report however keeping quiet around teenage bullies is what makes it very much worse.

I’d contact childline and the police myself and talk it through with both. And the school after them. They could help with how you can support your daughter. She may well not want to make a formal complaint yet, but the incident will at least be logged and they can tell her what to do in the future. She needs to see that people in authority can and will protect her.

Wildorchidz · 04/02/2020 21:35

I’d be wondering if it has been filmed and is now doing the rounds on snapchat or the class WhatsApp

WorraLiberty · 04/02/2020 21:37

I’d contact childline and the police myself and talk it through with both. And the school after them. They could help with how you can support your daughter. She may well not want to make a formal complaint yet, but the incident will at least be logged and they can tell her what to do in the future. She needs to see that people in authority can and will protect her.

The OP is the child's aunt.

mouse70 · 04/02/2020 21:48

It is up to her parents to deal with as they see fit