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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think i'm allowed to hate hugs?

37 replies

WonkyGenes · 04/02/2020 16:04

I've hated hugs, kisses, holding hands, pats on the back, being tapped and just generally being touched since I was a small child. Like having a massage would be hell on earth for me. (I don't have this issue with my husband haha)

My parents just accepted this and told people not to ask me for hugs etc when I was a kid. I have no issues as an adult explaining this to people so it isn't awkward,

I went to a family meal recently and my uncle (who my parents told as a child i dont like hugs and i have reiterated this as an adult) ran up to me and hugged me from behind and picked me up. It made me jump and i told him to get off me quite bluntly. My husband then said "Why do that you know she hates it?"

My uncle was annoyed and started a telling everyone about how much of a drama queen I was and how i'm a snowflake. I just avoided him after that.

He has now messaged me asking us not to come to any more events if i'm going to act like that and cause drama.

WIBU to just tell him to fuck off or block his number and ignore him from now on?

OP posts:

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/02/2020 16:06

Just don't reply and ignore him in future. He's the one being a drama queen...

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 04/02/2020 16:06

He behaved badly. Even a tactile person would object. He knew

D4rwin · 04/02/2020 16:08

Sure, no problem. Is the answer is give. What a creep

my2bundles · 04/02/2020 16:09

I agree. I'm tne same and so is one of my kids. I've told relatives they are not the hug my son unless he consents. Of course some think this is out of order but unless you are a hug hater you really don't understand how anxious hugs make us feel.

FooFighter99 · 04/02/2020 16:12

I think the middle finger emoji is more than appropriate in this situation. then block the knobhead!

Waxonwaxoff0 · 04/02/2020 16:12

YANBU, as someone who hates hugs and being touched myself. The only person I allow to hug me is DS.

Nobody should hug you without permission.

lemontreebird · 04/02/2020 16:15

YANBU. Hug, ugh!

Wolfiefan · 04/02/2020 16:16

He needs to be the one avoiding family events if he can’t keep his hands off other people. If someone picked me up I would be very likely to lash out. I would bloody hate it.

20wedding19 · 04/02/2020 16:19

Thank goodness, one of my own!
I hugely hate this new (or maybe not so new) thing of people refusing hand shakes then say oh, I'm a hugger, lets hug it out...no let's not, I only just met you!

mbosnz · 04/02/2020 16:21

Who the hell does he think he is.

Tell him to stop being such a drama llama, and that of course you'll continue to go to family events as you see fit. If he behaves like a reasonable adult and keeps his hands to himself, there won't be a problem. If he doesn't, there could be, because a knee in the 'nads often offends.

FizzAfterSix · 04/02/2020 16:23

I hate hugs too - seems to be mainly middle aged men who force them on others, I cringe.

The80sweregreat · 04/02/2020 16:25

I don't like hugs and kisses either! I dislike meeting up with family and all having to kiss. It all feels awkward and I realise how ' un tactile ' I really am.

Flyingunicornsmyass · 04/02/2020 16:27

I love hugs, I'm tactile and affectionate and normally touchy feely, this would hack me off. It's incredibly inappropriate and full on, especially given that you don't like physical contact.

You're not being unreasonable or a snowflake. I'm hoping your family are on your side and that you're okay.

AutumnCrow · 04/02/2020 16:30

Bloody hell. Yes, definitely tell him to do one.

The invasion of privacy is appalling. And deliberate. What a tosser.

I have a painful condition going on at the moment. If someone grabbed me like it would really hurt me.

LellyMcKelly · 04/02/2020 16:30

“I’m not the creepy man going round hugging people when I know they hate it. If you can’t keep your hands off people I suggest you stop going to events for your and their safety.”

TheMaddHugger · 04/02/2020 16:31

Of course you are allowed to reject hugs. No one should ever force hugs onto anyone.🌼

blueheaven97 · 04/02/2020 16:31

Was it his event? I don't understand how he's in a position to tell you not to come to any family event, otherwise.

If it wasn't his event, I'd suggest replying to him and suggesting he doesn't come to any more family events if he's not able to respect people's personal space.

messolini9 · 04/02/2020 16:32

My uncle was annoyed and started a telling everyone about how much of a drama queen I was and how i'm a snowflake. I just avoided him after that.
Classic DARVO. www.thenopebook.com/lifestyle/deny-attack-reverse-vctim-offender/
What an arse.

He has now messaged me asking us not to come to any more events if i'm going to act like that and cause drama.
Who the fuck is he to dictate who is going to attend family events?
"Uncle, there'll be no need for me to REact to your daft actions if you think can manage not to perform them.
Do you think you could dial down your own drama, which is all purely of your own making, & also lay off any notion of me needing your permission to attend events with my own family?
Decent men who physically startle or accidentally invade a woman's space are eager to apologise, not blame. Seems you - who did this on purpose, despite already knowing better - can't find it within you to apologise, so unless you can guarantee not to touch me without my express consent in future, don't you think it's best if you are the family member who avoids events in future?"

WIBU to just tell him to fuck off or block his number and ignore him from now on?
Do whatever feels most satisfying to you OP.
He deserves no courtesy, only contempt.

messolini9 · 04/02/2020 16:34

Of course some think this is out of order
Then they are invasive shits & CF bullies.
Ask them if they'd hug a 6 foot tall wrestler against his wishes.
Then ask them why they think it's ok to impose on your son just because he's only 3 foot (whatever) tall.

IntermittentParps · 04/02/2020 16:39

YANBU. Ignore the message or just send a row of laughing faces.

YasssKween · 04/02/2020 16:39

What you've got yourself there OP, is an Uncle Nobhead.

I'm fine with hugs but I think it's horrible to make people feel bad if they don't like them or try to force / coerce / guilt them into it.

I wait for the kids in our family to run up and hug now instead of assuming they want to be hugged and thrown about!

You've done nothing wrong and it's good your other half gets it too.

managedmis · 04/02/2020 16:42

Awful

MaggieFS · 04/02/2020 16:44

Ignore him. I was like this as a kid. My extended family are the sort to great each other with an air kiss near the cheek and I've grown up to be ok with this. But I'm not a fan of hugging particular older people. I think it's because they've gone nose blind and don't realise how much perfume they're doused themselves in. MIL is like this, I wish she'd bloomin well learn the air kiss! Blokes don't hug blokes (IME, esp. older ones) so why do women have to 🤢

TryTry123 · 04/02/2020 16:57

He hugged you from behind! What a totally unacceptable invasion of your privacy. You are better of without this idiot/perv in your life. Reply, gladly!

flouncyfanny · 04/02/2020 16:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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