To ask how you manage someone you can’t stand

[FizzyPink]

I know I’m being totally unreasonable and I really want to improve but this girl just constantly rubs me up the wrong way.
I hired her at the beginning of the year and work wise she’s great, it’s just a real clash of personalities. She’s very confident and forward with her opinions and I just think if I’d only been out of uni a year and was in a new role I’d keep my head down a bit! A few examples -

If someone comes to my desk to talk to me she has to involve herself in some way, everything has to include her. I asked my boss to stay back from a meeting to look at a spreadsheet which had nothing to do with her the other day and she hung back to watch over my shoulder.

She worked in the same industry in her previous job and seems to have an opinion on everyone when she can’t possibly have met that many companies in only a year

She seems to test the limits by coming in 15 minutes late, going to lunch early as if the rules don’t apply to her

She’s very forward in her opinions and when I’m trying to explain things she’s constantly jumping in as if she already knows what I’m saying to here.

I feel terrible as she’s good at her job and I come in every day resolved to not get irritated by her but it’s so hard! How do I get over this when I have to sit next to her and involve her in the majority of my work? I need some coping strategies

You sound threatened, OP, and she just seems a little green behind the ears and enthusiastic. Some people are overlap talkers, and it’s a genuine conversation style (rapport-style) whereby people overlap one another to show interest and engagement. Perhaps you sit at the other end of the spectrum (called ‘report style’) where people report their information and the other person waits to respond until the first person has finished. Report people sometimes find rapport people rude as they see them as interrupting. They’re not. Maybe she grew up in that sort of environment and doesn’t realise you see it as interrupting.

I feel sorry for her, how awful to have a line manager who dislikes you because you have the nerve to be energetic and interested instead of being a silent nobody who knows their station.

next time she hangs around in a (work) conversation that she’s not a party to just say “is there something you need” with a long stare

don’t do this, you can’t treat people like this. Good god.

I've done the being late and leaving early for lunch in a previous job. The reason was I had done my work and didn't see the point of sitting at my desk pretending to work. No one complained so I assumed it was fine.
I still don't see the point of hanging around when you've got nothing to do, presenteeism at its finest. The fastet way to demotivate a good employee.

She sounds very eager and doesn't seem to have enough work to do, so I'd give her more responsibilities.

Just realised how old this thread is !

You’re doing her a disservice here- if she’s good at the job but some other traits are less favourable, you’re holding back her career progression by not giving honest feedback!

Take the time to deliver the feedback honestly but carefully; in your best interest, help you grow blah blah blah… if she’s confident and interested, likelihood is she wants to progress so should take it well.

If you can’t address this type of behaviour with being so emotive about it running your up the wrong way you really need additional management training. You admit she is confident and good at her job so why aren’t you mentoring her or giving feedback in 1to 1s

@Ahbisto Yes. Very successfully! I guess it’s the way I say it, but written down it can look harsher than it actually is!

Just be firm but polite.

”I’m having a bit of a personal conversation here with X, would you mind leaving us alone for a bit please?”

”I’ve noticed you’re coming in late and going for lunch early, the rules we have for this are quite clear and we ask of everyone here to please respect them.”

Say it with a smile but be firm and clear.
Keep a log of when she’s coming in late or going for lunch early to prove a pattern if she tries to deny it happening. Anything else, as long as it’s not necessary to speak up, just be polite, she’s not your friend and what matters is that she does her job well and respects others and company rules.

This thread is from February of last year

Those are all concrete things to address.

Thanks Chloe, you can go back to your desk. We’re just running through some stuff that’s doesn’t apply to your role.

Chloe - a quick word about timekeeping - I know being late is sometimes unavoidable but I’ve noticed you’re consistently 15 mins late. Is that something you could tighten up please? Or is there an issue for us to discuss?

Chloe - I’m happy to take questions at the end - please don’t interrupt me going forward as it disrupts the meeting’s flow and it’s not fair to me or the other attendees (I’d say this before the meeting).

Ok I'm giving up now, feel like I'm tapping on glass 🙄

2 years ago.

this is really why @mnhq need to lock zombie threads. People pouring out their oh so wise advise to a situation that is so old it’s dead and buried. Not only is it a waste of time for those not intelligent enough to read the date of posting but it will be taking up space on MN servers so I don’t know what they think they’re getting out of these awful zombie threads either

Maybe you are just not management material have you considered stepping down from your post. You seem to be a bit afraid of her.

If she is late have a word, same if she goes to lunch early.

You either manage or step down.

Here is good advice for feedback: www.ted.com/talks/leeann_renninger_the_secret_to_giving_great_feedback?language=en
also BEER artofleadershipconsulting.com/blog/leadership/having-difficult-conversations-just-have-a-beer/
and read Randical Candor
Work why what she does pisses you off and then give her feedback using the methods above.
You can’t fix her, she has to fix herself, but sitting back and doing nothing is lazy.
I know this is a zombie thread, just leaving it out there.

This is 2 years old!!

I’d do a workplace seminar on professional standards for a few entry level people. Keep it general, things like the importance of time keeping, dress code, confidentiality, etc. some of the stuff will apply some won’t.
it might just be no one has explained to her expected behaviours. Sticking your hand up to demonstrate knowledge is celebrated at uni in the workplace it can be a pain in the arse. I used to have a report who I would explain an approach to and then she would in a meeting with the client explain it to them to look as though she knew what was going on- I had to tell her to not tell them my tactics! I then made it clear when she was being invited to a meeting just to shadow and for personal development rather than as a contributor

@SmallPrawnEnergy
At the risk of keeping this thread active, what is happening here though do you think?
People coming in through Google looking for similar problems ?
Lazy journalists trying to research stuff?
I don't understand how they keep popping up, one the other day was 15 years old and actually the advice wouldn't have helped anyone else anyway it was very specific.

Lateness etc you can and should tackle. Ditto breaching confidentiality.

The other “soft skills” stuff: it sounds as if she needs a third party mentor.

it sounds an office based role - how important is the being in at a set time - most organiastions are moving to more flexible working, is she working the hours that she is paid for?
One of my first jobs, we had "flexible working" in that we could agree our own hours around core times - two women who started earlier than me had a regular time check on my arrival "Ooh, Miss Johnson, I think that's one minute past nine" type of thing. The said Miss Johnson would be packing up at quarter to four, doing the crossword or sitting with her bag on the desk waiting to leave on the dot of four.

the pair of them were so pissed off when I was promoted - senior staff knew that if I was working on something, I'd happily stay and complete it, and not clock watching in the same way. That was 40 years ago - I get it if it's a front of house role, but if back office, the attention to clock watching you mention seems a bit antiquated.

If she's consistently late or going on lunch early, point it out.

If she's hovering and being nosy, ask is she okay and did she want something. And when she says no, just say great I'll see you later then, I just need to talk this over with x person.

If she gives opinions about something she knows nothing about, ask her to expand. 'You say this company is full of idiots, what makes you say that?' If she doesn't really know this will soon come out, and if she does somehow have knowledge you will benefit from it.

Just manage her. Take her aside for a performance review and go through the things she's done well; be specific and kind. Explain there are some things she isn't doing well:

1. Timekeeping
2. Getting too involved in other's business; give some specific examples like the spreadsheet one and explain why it isn't appropriate. Ask her what she's going to do to improve and set a date to chat again about it. End the chat talking about any other learning needs she has, or support she wants from you.