To ask how you manage someone you can’t stand

[FizzyPink]

I know I’m being totally unreasonable and I really want to improve but this girl just constantly rubs me up the wrong way.
I hired her at the beginning of the year and work wise she’s great, it’s just a real clash of personalities. She’s very confident and forward with her opinions and I just think if I’d only been out of uni a year and was in a new role I’d keep my head down a bit! A few examples -

If someone comes to my desk to talk to me she has to involve herself in some way, everything has to include her. I asked my boss to stay back from a meeting to look at a spreadsheet which had nothing to do with her the other day and she hung back to watch over my shoulder.

She worked in the same industry in her previous job and seems to have an opinion on everyone when she can’t possibly have met that many companies in only a year

She seems to test the limits by coming in 15 minutes late, going to lunch early as if the rules don’t apply to her

She’s very forward in her opinions and when I’m trying to explain things she’s constantly jumping in as if she already knows what I’m saying to here.

I feel terrible as she’s good at her job and I come in every day resolved to not get irritated by her but it’s so hard! How do I get over this when I have to sit next to her and involve her in the majority of my work? I need some coping strategies

This really pissed me off as you do sound like my first manager when I was out of uni. You just micromanage and sound bitter.

I feel sorry for your employee. I was poorly managed /bullied, in my first job by an incompetent manager. Please look into getting some training, you sound so passive aggressive.

Managing people is tough. You don’t have to ‘like’ her by the way, but your job is to manage her so her skills are used appropriately to help the team and company goals. If she’s good at the main parts of her role that’s positive and means you just need to help her with some of the less professional behaviours.
Deal with facts, if she’s late and having long lunches deal with that directly in the next one to one with her and tell her that time keeping needs to improve.
Things like the CV incident is probably lack of experience and getting carried away thinking she could help out. Again you can speak to her about this, perhaps an overview of the recruitment process and why looking up prospective candidates is inappropriate and outside her remit.
In terms of her butting in to conversations, I have a young grad on my team who is v ambitious and does this. It is annoying I’ll be honest but most of the time it’s harmless. If someone comes to your desk and you want to avoid this, say “let’s just pop over there and discuss” and move away from your desk so she can’t do it. After meetings, say thanks for attending I’ll see you back at our desks if you want to talk to someone without her lingering.
Basically just communicate and be a bit blunt if you need to (it’s hard though!)

@7Worfs wtf is a chartered manager

These are all really helpful, thank you! I have kind of fallen into managing her, I’ve always operated as a bit of a lone wolf but now due to business demands need to expand my team.
Shockingly our business has lots of managers and zero management training, in fact no training until this year. This is something I’ve raised many times and something they are slowly introducing, although not quickly enough to be helpful!

She doesn’t understand or respect boundaries. Explain your expectations and talk to her about how she’s going to manage the change.

She might think she’s showing ambition.

She sounds very bright and keen. Are you sure that when you're explaining stuff to her, you're not pitching it at a level that's way below her ability and/or understanding? There's nothing worse for a bright worker than having stuff explained to them at a level that a year 10 could understand and this would explain her "jumping in" before you've finished. She could just be a couple of steps ahead of you.

You've already said that her work is great, it may be that she's doing stuff that's way below her level of competence.And the "involving herself" in stuff that's outside her remit smacks to me of someone who's bored and under-occupied and thinks she's showing initiative.

It also sounds like she hasn't got enough to do if she's got time to snoop on Linked In etc about potential hires that are nothing to do with her.

Keep her busy, and give her stuff to do that will challenge her a bit.

You could always try sending her off on some errand or other when she tries to get involved in your discussions with more senior managers. Or just say "Did you want me, X, only I need a private chat with Y just now" and arrange to catch up with her in a minute.

I also wonder if there's a bit of sexism here, OP. Go back and re-read your first post, but use the male pronoun. It sounds as though a lot of her behaviours would be regarded as positives, not negatives, if she was male, and women are often criticised for the sort of "pushiness" that men are rewarded for. Things like "confident" and "forward" aren't things to be down on a staff member about imo. Would you really want them to be timid and fearful of contributing?

Do you have regular 1 to 1s as part of your induction for new staff? If not, you need to start. They are an excellent opportunity to highlight to staff the need to fit in with the organisational culture, and to address things like sticking to her own work and not trying to get involved in other people's. She might have come from a working environment that's much more informal and collaborative, and where junior staff are encouraged to have input into everything.

You definitely need to address the timekeeping, but be sure that everyone else is on time too, or it'll look like she's being singled out.

And speak to your manager about how to address this - they're there to support you, too.

She just sounds eager to learn, perhaps a little too eager but I don’t think she’s done anything hugely wrong aside from turning up late, that’s not on.

I have had this scenario for a year😂😂 I sympathize OP.The problem for me was the two people above me didn't address absence...loads of lateness or leaving early which made my job 10 times harder.
She leaves soon.

If she’s only been there since new year, couldn’t you book in a 1 to 1 as an informal progress report? That way you can highlight all the good work she’s been doing too - it’s less of a bollocking, to put it bluntly, and more like constructive feedback.

The nosiness can be addressed as a confidentiality issue. It’s completely fair to point out that the documents she’s reading over someone’s shoulder could be sensitive. Things like sloppy timekeeping can also be addressed very factually - but as another poster has suggested, make sure you consider Custom and Practice. If the department is generally flexible on start time as long as people do their hours, you can’t single her out for this.

As for her whole ‘Oh yeah, I know Steve Mills! Great guy!’ routine, you’ll just have to cope with that as a minor annoyance I’m afraid Much as it may grate on your nerves to know that Steve Mills wouldn’t recognise her if she danced naked in Sainsbury’s, she’s not doing anything wrong!

I think, as a manager, it is absolutely fine to acknowledge there is a personality clash. You’re only human. However, as a manager, you must be able to separate your personal feelings (because that is what it is here) from how you react to her. Ask yourself if you would react the same way towards someone who you don’t have this personal issue with.

If the answer is yes, then the impetus is on you to coach her to behave more appropriately. Time keeping is an issue you surely wouldn’t let slide for her or anybody else, so sit her down and have an informal meeting with her. Explain that if it continues then a more formal route will be followed. If she is taking extra breaks and not working later to compensate, it is effectively theft of company time and therefore gross misconduct. Probably not something someone a year out of university would realise.

The other issues you mention - her being “forward in her opinions” and that she should “keep her head down”. Ask yourself if you would say the same of a man. Answer it honestly for yourself, rather than on the thread. Women who have “masculine” personality traits are often dimly viewed in the workplace, whilst the exact same traits are praised amongst men.

She sounds very irritating. What is it with grads these days? Quite a few think they will be the CEO in a couple of years!

Pull her up on all of these things. She clearly doesn't know how to behave in a professional environment. You can be direct and kind. She needs to know that looking at a CV on someone else's screen then googling the name is a no no. I used to frequently work with confidential information and certain members of staff would always read my screen if they thought they could get away with it. They generally had about 2 seconds before I locked my screen......

She needs to know that she is a junior member of staff and is not included in every conversation.

Everything you've said, particularly the fact that she is good at her job despite coming in late and getting involved in other things, suggests that she is extremely bored and capable of far more than you're allowing her to do.

She's taking an interest in other stuff that goes on in your company. That's not a crime. My boss would probably be delighted if I wanted to sit in on a meeting about something that had nothing to do with me, frankly.

You also seem to think she isn't entitled to her opinions about your industry because she's only been in it for a year. It sounds to me as if she's a quick learner who wants to progress, and that her previous employer was a bit more dynamic than yours.

You are her manager. it's your job to manage, not to avoid her. She's clearly itching to get stuck into some more interesting stuff, so make use of that. Develop her, offer her some opportunities. Ask her if she'd like to shadow someone senior for a day or two or find out more about other departments/teams etc.

I feel sorry for her, to be honest. You just sound threatened by her when she sounds like she's got absolutely loads of potential.

ZOMBIE THREAD

ZOMBIE THREAD

@TheHatinaCat any reason you thought op would need your insightful input 2 years later?

You need to separate out the things that are her personality and things that are not ok behaviour.

It's ok to say 'this is confidential, but if you're interested in x we can set up a meeting to go through it' to her when she is trying to nosey in on things.

Turning up 15 min late and taking early lunches, unless she makes up her hours elsewhere, is in my opinion exactly the type of thing you should be speaking to her about

Jumping in with the answers is a different thing but you can always give feedback as part of a review along the lines of 'think before you speak if you wsnt to be taken seriously / part of a team is listening and encouraging others with their ideas as well'

I would arrange a performance management meeting with her. Start with all the positives and then deliver the negatives - then come up with a plan together about how to manage them. Set targets and set another date for a review. I think she will benefit from some nudging in the right direction and it will help both of you.

6-month review:
“Really pleased with the way you are handling your workload generally, and love your enthusiasm
However, you need to reign it in a bit though, when you’re not directly involved in topics being discussed between others
Remember to let people finish what they are telling you and avoid interrupting as it can come across unprofessional
Please don’t involve yourself in job applications, as we have a duty, under GDPR rules, to maintain applicants’ privacy
Timekeeping: please make sure that you adhere to the contracted working hours and break times, as we would expect you to be available at all contracted times in order that you can participate in meetings Etc.
If you’re unsure of any office etiquette, remember that I’m here to help you - a professional working environment is quite different to an educational one, and we would like to further develop you in this topic”

Then, see how she develops. If she can’t change, you need to pull her up, every time she butts in (which seems to be the main problem, TBH), and let her know that it’s not OK to continue as if she’s in an educational, rather than a professional setting.

Other than time keeping there is nothing negative here, she is showing she is engage and wishes to learn. Because you dislike her, you are seeing positives as a negative. I am sure she knows you dislike her so it is likely making her try harder to impress yiu and show willing.

other than the time keeping the issue here is you.

You don’t manage people do you?

I agree. Manage her, including being positive but authoritative. So if you are having a meeting with a senior member, say to her: would you like to shadow me on this? That would mean keeping quiet and observing how we handle the meeting, as if you were a fly on the wall, not a contributor? If so, come along at 3pm. Which gives her clear guidelines not to chip in.

Meet with her once a week and explain stuff like time keeping and lunch breaks. She might calm down a bit if she realises you are clocking where she is still behaving in an immature way.

This happened before the first lockdown in 2020 so the nosy employee was probably sent to work from home...

She needs mentoring. If you don't want to do it, appoint someone else. Give regular feedback. She needs to learn how your company works, and that if she wants to see the spreadsheets (for eg) you're talking to your boss about, she needs to say that to you rather than just butting in.

We get the occasional grad like that. They have always been told how fantastic they are and how brilliant and don't understand that when they arrive in the world of work they are on the bottom rung and there to learn. (conversely, they are there to be trained and nurtured too so management have a responsibility there too)

If someone comes to my desk to talk to me she has to involve herself in some way, everything has to include her. I asked my boss to stay back from a meeting to look at a spreadsheet which had nothing to do with her the other day and she hung back to watch over my shoulder

Just say to her "Can you give us ten minutes? Thanks X"

I didn't have her confidence, in fact it was often nervousness that made me make stupid office etiquette errors, as well as lack of knowledge. She needs to be told - if she doesn't get it after being repeatedly told, then you have a problem.