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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Affection

41 replies

Bardamu · 04/02/2020 12:47

Is it inappropriate for a father to kiss his 4-year old daughter on the lips? Not some long lingering romantic snog. A peck when saying goodbye. The reason I ask is because a woman told me it was inappropriate for an adult to kiss a child on the lips. I told her the child was 4-years old and my daughter. She said; 'Ask anyone!' So I am. My opinion was that the woman was excessively paranoid and overly-sensitive to an incredible degree and that anyone seeing something wrong in a father kissing his 4-year old daughter had a sick twisted imagination. Am I wrong?

OP posts:
QueenofmyPrinces · 04/02/2020 12:49

I kiss my 5 (almost 6) year old son on the lips, and my husband does too.

I don’t think it’s weird at all.

DesLynamsMoustache · 04/02/2020 12:50

Ridiculous. I remember David Beckham getting slagged off by trolls online a few years ago after a picture of him kissing his daughter on the lips. Says more about the people making comments, methinks!

IhateBoswell · 04/02/2020 12:50

I think it's weird people finding it weird.

Justkeeprollingalong · 04/02/2020 12:52

Of course it's normal. Don't worry about it at all. Enjoy the closeness - she'll soon think you are the most embarrassing thing on God's earth ! 🤷🏻‍♀️

lilyheather1 · 04/02/2020 12:53

Only weird if you force your children to kiss you on the lips, but the same can be said for any act of affection between a parent and a child.

D4rwin · 04/02/2020 12:54

Error. The vote says 120 obviously that isn't right. But also very right. That woman can take it from MN that she is wrongity wrong wrong wrong to sexualise all affection.

Affection
BohoBunney · 04/02/2020 12:58

Only weird if you force your children to kiss you on the lips
This. If they don’t want to respect that.

Personally I don’t like lip kissing especially as an adult with my parents but I wouldn’t judge anyone else for doing it as I’m aware it’s my issue. Weird that she even felt the need to comment tbh.

SummerPavillion · 04/02/2020 13:01

I imagine people (and there are many) who experienced abuse in childhood might be a bit more nervous about this. So it's not "weird that she found it weird".

notanotherjigsawpiece · 04/02/2020 13:01

I’d respond “Can you explain in detail why you think it’s wrong?”

Put her on the spot.

IhateBoswell · 04/02/2020 13:03

Yes actually I didn't think of that SummerPavillion, point taken.

Bibby26 · 04/02/2020 13:33

I personally would only kiss a romantic partner on the lips, because I’m not a very affectionate person anyway. I certainly wouldn’t judge anyone else for the way they show affection to their children, providing as previous posters have said, the child is happy to be kissed

VestaTilley · 04/02/2020 15:12

She was being ridiculous. But, such gestures should only ever be done if the child is happy with it.

LettertoHermoine · 04/02/2020 15:27

Not something I do with my own children but would never judge anyone who does do it with their kids but in saying that, I can't imagine kissing my own parents on the lips now as an adult, that to me is a bit weird but a 4 year old child, perfectly fine.

oktoberfestisuponus · 04/02/2020 15:29

People who think it's weird are weird! I kiss my four year old daughter on the lips goodbye. I won't be stopping if some idiot asked me too.

NRPDad · 04/02/2020 15:42

My DS aged 5 wants to kiss on the lips when he says goodbye, so I go along with it. If I try to avoid because he's a bit ill etc and kiss his head instead he knows and is quite insistent! Until he grows out of it or I think he's too old (maybe around 8, 9, 10?) I'll keep up with it.

Wouldn't dream of kissing my parents on the lips as an adult!

cjt110 · 04/02/2020 15:51

I kiss my son goodnight/goodbye or just to show him I love him on the lips. He does the same with my husband (His Dad) and my parents

Eckhart · 04/02/2020 15:57

I'm with @notanotherjigsawpiece on this sort of stuff. 'What makes you say that?' is a great response to empty criticism.

user1483387154 · 04/02/2020 16:04

hell no its not

lemontreebird · 04/02/2020 16:08

My opinion was that the woman was excessively paranoid and overly-sensitive to an incredible degree and that anyone seeing something wrong in a father kissing his 4-year old daughter had a sick twisted imagination. Am I wrong?

That's a bit ott!

I'm happy to say it's not something I'm comfortable with.

I would be worrying re cold sore transmission too.

Original poster
Bardamu · 04/02/2020 16:58

Thanks to everyone who replied. I was beginning to feel like the last rational and moderate person on the planet.

OP posts:
SimonJT · 04/02/2020 17:09

Of course it’s not wrong, it’s completely normal, she sounds odd.

PreggoFeminist86 · 04/02/2020 17:37

YANBU at all. It's SO fucked-up when people see a totally normal act of affection between a parent & child, then add their own weird sexual connotations to it. They clearly have issues of their own.

I have an IL who always comments when my partner or I kiss DS2 on the lips. The same person also thinks that breastfeeding is sexual Shock, so she's clearly a slightly creepy imbecile.

(100% agree with previous posters who have said that a child should never be forced to kiss anyone though, obvs).

SummerPavillion · 04/02/2020 17:39

Well I'm fucked up then. Due to my childhood I'd feel a pang of fear if I saw a father kiss his daughter on the lips. I obviously wouldn't say anything though, I realise it's almost definitely fine.

But thanks for the compassion.

Mammyloveswine · 04/02/2020 18:03

I smother my two children (4 and 2) with kisses in their lips, their cheeks, their heads...I've even kissed their peachy little bums before!

My babies are adorable and I love giving them kisses and cuddles!

Honestly people who ding it weird are the weirdos imo!

AnnaMariaDreams · 04/02/2020 18:05

I don’t kiss DS on the lips but sometimes he kisses me on the lips and I’ve never felt the need to stop him. He’s only 7.