Affection

[Bardamu]

Is it inappropriate for a father to kiss his 4-year old daughter on the lips? Not some long lingering romantic snog. A peck when saying goodbye. The reason I ask is because a woman told me it was inappropriate for an adult to kiss a child on the lips. I told her the child was 4-years old and my daughter. She said; 'Ask anyone!' So I am. My opinion was that the woman was excessively paranoid and overly-sensitive to an incredible degree and that anyone seeing something wrong in a father kissing his 4-year old daughter had a sick twisted imagination. Am I wrong?

I bribe my kids to kiss me. Mummy wants snuggles and kisses and those little faces are so flipping cute that I kiss them whenever and wherever I can catch them. They squeal and run away and then we have a furious game of chase and if I catch them I smooch their lips. I also blow raspberries on their tummys and smack a naked bottom if it’s running past me. They love that. Give that 4 year old a kiss and tell that busy body to mind her own business. Stuck up cow.

I still kiss my parents on the lips. People who think it is wrong are sick in the head.

ffs

@Dunin

That's a little worrying sounding.

Hoping you're just being a little over dramatic with with bribery and then running away.

I bribe my kids to kiss me 🙄

Never kissed mine on the lips but I wouldn’t disapprove of anyone else doing it.

Me and dh give ds 6 a kiss goodnight on the lips and we will do for as long as ds wants to

DS kisses me on the lips sometimes. I wouldn't kiss him on the lips, so it's completely his choice. He'll grow out of it at some point, like I did when I was a child. Don't think it's weird, but as a survivor of abuse myself who is sometimes weirded out by normal things I get why some people may be uncomfortable seeing it.

My sister and I still kiss our parents on the lips and we're both in our 40s.

It’s not something that is common in my family or friendship groups.

The first time a friend kissed me on the lips I was very taken a back. It was at that point (aged 21) that I learnt that it is normal in some circles.

To me lip kissing is something for romantic partners. That doesn’t mean that I think there’s anything untoward about someone kissing their child on the lips. It’s just that It would gross me out if my parents tried to do it to me.

YANBU at all, OP! Totally normally to kiss your kids on the lips when they’re little as long as they’re happy with it, obvs. Must admit I’m surprised some people still kiss their parents on the lips as adults though... I can’t even imagine doing this shudder Each to their own I guess...

I'd like to respond to lemontreebird who thought my comment was a bit OTT. Given that the implicit suggestion in this woman's attitude was that I was some sort of incestuous paedophile, I think my response was a model of self-restraint. Her paranoia is certainly OTT. I don't think I could write what I really think of her attitude or mind-set.

I'd like to ask NinetySixer if they are English? I live in London but I'm not English. Since the comment I received I have considered the behaviour of parents and children at school pick-up-time. I live in a very multi-national area. I have noticed that Italians, French and Eastern Europeans seem far more ready to display affection to their children. English people, particularly fathers, seem far more reticent. Is it possible that the English have not lost their Victorian reluctance to express emotion and are still uncomfortable and suspicious of such displays?

@bardamu Yes, I am English. But my circle extends to French, American, Portuguese, Middle Eastern, Irish and Italian.

Lots of cheek kisses and affection but no lip kisses.

@NintySixer. You say it would gross you out if your parents kissed you on the lips. We're talking about a 4-year-old and a peck goodbye, not a kiss as you would kiss a partner. There is an incredible amount of difference and I'm sure your friends, of whatever nationality, would agree with that. I think such an extreme reaction on someone's part is the sign of some severe psychological hang-ups.

I think it is weird, but then I don't kiss anyone really, not even my husband.