Blaming women?

[Bottleup]

Article on the BBC website about survivors of domestic abuse today. The reason given for it is this: "sometimes you have perpetrators who have that very narcissistic personality, whose mother made them feel that they were the best thing ever. When they were told off, they defended them. It was almost like, 'My son can do no wrong.' And they created this narcissistic monster who thinks that they can just waltz through life getting their own way." So we're blaming women for creating the monsters that go on to attack women? Anybody else tired of this messed up narrative?

Haven't you got the memo? Women are to blame for everything

Yeh it has nothing to do with their father's or the toxic patriarchal society

Just call us Eve and have done with it!

That is ridiculous.

In my book adults don't get to blame their parents for their current behaviour or choices.

TBF my ex husband's narcisistic behaviour can be entirely blamed on his mother treating him like a little price when he was growing up (and into adulthood). Not saying all women are like this and can be blamed for everything, but she certainly was instrumental in him becoming the prick he is today!

This was actually true for my abusive ex though... His Mother thought he was some sort of almighty deity.

I think people are of course a mix of nature and nurture but then we have free will we exercise too.

It is just too pat to blame the mother.

Of course it’s always women’s fucking fault that abusers abuse their victims. Who else’s fault would it be?!

My husbands mum thinks the sun shines from him. He's ok!

My ex was entirely the product of his mothers upbringing.

Clearly there are at least two views here that won't ever be able to agree.

Yes, I hate it.

Your ex's might have been the product of their upbringing but their mothers were the product of patriarchy...so...

Women definitely seem to be to blame for a lot

Why is it always assumed that women are pure souls who are corrupted by patriarchy? Yes a lot of them are, but some women are just cunts! Same as men!

It's the first rule of misogyny : women are responsible for what men do.

On the other hand men are the root of all evil

All the mums of DS's on here will one day be being decried as the terrible mother of a misogynist. Perhaps not all but most.

I haven’t read the article but if that’s what it says obviously it oversimplifying the reason some men are violent. There’s some shit mothers around of course but in my experience plenty more shit fathers that screw their kids up. Regardless of that, people have to take responsibility for their own actions. A man that abuses his partner is the only one to blame, he’s in control of his own actions.

Well obviously women aren't entirely to blame, but there is no doubt people are shaped by their parents, both parents.

There’s some shit mothers around of course but in my experience plenty more shit fathers that screw their kids up

Im a Nurse Therapist and in my experience it's provably about 50/50, although I do realise I only see the people that come for therapy.

My mother was a prick towards me, but I sorted myself out! That's what adults do!

I have been in a domestic abuse relationship and I believe allot of the issues my ex partner had stemmed from his mother. His entire life she would justify his behaviour actions somehow so he was never in the wrong. It was always someone else's fault.

Chicklit the article says these men may also have witnessed domestic abuse in their own childhoods but interestingly it doesn't link this directly to their fathers in the same way. I get that mothers play a big role in how their sons turn out but it's part of a much bigger picture and the way the article is worded puts the blame squarely at the feet of women.

Whilst I wouldn't blame the mother in all cases there are clearly parents who dont believe that their little angels are not capable of doing anything wrong at all and never use any kind of discipline. I don't know how that affects their offspring in later life. Clearly if you are used to always getting your own way then this is going to continue into adulthood. I certainly think its worth looking at how this manifests itself in both men and women.

A stray not appeared in there.