Blaming women?

[Bottleup]

Article on the BBC website about survivors of domestic abuse today. The reason given for it is this: "sometimes you have perpetrators who have that very narcissistic personality, whose mother made them feel that they were the best thing ever. When they were told off, they defended them. It was almost like, 'My son can do no wrong.' And they created this narcissistic monster who thinks that they can just waltz through life getting their own way." So we're blaming women for creating the monsters that go on to attack women? Anybody else tired of this messed up narrative?

My husband is entirely the product of his mum. And that is a good thing because his dad is an abusive arsehole. His mum taught him to be a gentleman and a gentle man.

"They f*ck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you."

Philip Larkin got it right. And the parents were messed up by their parents, and so on into the dim and distant past. Society reflects the collective f*ckedupness. Who to blame? Men? Women? Patriarchy? God? The universe? Random chance? Brexit?

It seems to me that there's little mileage in trying to apportion blame.

I did used to blame the mothers of men, for the man being sexist, personality issues, laziness, unable to cook, do laundry etc ...before I had a sons of my own.

I remember being horrified when a friend sent her daughters to clear the table and made a joking dismissal that her son wouldn't.

Now I think differently! I assume now that she didn't want a scene with son in front of guests.
It is harder to get boys to help around house. From an early age and continually. Boys are also more self serving. Maybe it's 1000s of years of male privilege and selection shining through. I really do try to do what I can but it's harder. They just don't want to, have better things to do (this can be anything) and do things halfheartedly in rush.

See kevin the teenager washing car. :)
But from birth!

It is harder to get boys to help around house. From an early age and continually.

I don’t think that’s true if you treat your sons the same as your daughters and have the same expectations and rules for both. I think many people treat their sons and daughters differently and that can cause issues. Even down to when a toddler falls over at he park, you often see girls being fussed over by mum or dad and boys being told to get up as they’re a big boy, tough etc.

Clearly there are at least two views here that won't ever be able to agree.

bollocks. One view is that women are to blame for everything.
The correct view is that some people are arseholes.

It is harder to get boys to help around house.
then you're not trying hard enough. I hope you don't have daughters. And I pity your potential future daughters in law if you're raising the kind of incompetent manchild who can't be bothered to lift a finger to do his share.

Yeh it has nothing to do with their father's or the toxic patriarchal society

You can't blame either side.

The most selfish, abusive, nasty man I've ever been with ...his father died when he was a baby and he was raised entirely by his mum.

I think there is some truth in it

It might be harder. Particularly if the boy has been brought up thinking that he is somehow 'special' by virtue of having a penis, and therefore exempt from the mundane chores of the household.

Doesn't mean it shouldn't be done. Because they are not exempt. Especially in this day and age.