Is he out of order, am I or is this ok?

[lollypoplollypopoh]

I've just lost the whole opening post so I will keep this short and answer any Q's that may help to help me see what's acceptable.
Long time friend. Him male, me female. Him attached, me single. Both mid to late thirties.
We work and socialise together. No major history but perhaps a frisson some years ago that was never acknowledged as r acted upon. We moved on successfully from that.
His relationship is nearing the two year mark.no major commitment but certainly serious with potential from his end.
I have not met her despite suggesting it on many occasions.
He has been asking lately for us to go to some places on our own, to music events, sporting fixtures. Just us two and involves staying overnight separately but in the same hotel in a different city.we are used together socialising with friends. I am recently single so I feel I am free to pursue these activities now as I have time but out there f respect for my ex ,I would not have done these activities .

This makes me feel uncomfortable
And I don't know why.
Is it ok? I have not asked him if his girlfriend is happy but then , should I?
He has no bad intentions I'm pretty sure. He says he loves her and is very caring.
I know that I would not have been happy with my ex doing this and know that he would not have crossedthat line.
Is he out of order ? Do I go? Is his girlfriends feelings on this Amy I f my business's I know she has trust issues and would perhaps like a little more speed in the commitment side of things, for context.I don't want her to think I am trying to sabotage rage anything between them.
Thanks .

Any one to offer advice or opinion please ?

Shameless bump. Thank you .

Personally I wouldn't go. Sadly all but 3 of my male friends have tried it on with me and 2 of the three are gay! That's just my experience though. I'm in a relationship and wouldnt stay in a hotel with another man. My partner wouldn't stay in a hotel with a woman either.

Thanks for responding.
I feel a little unnerved about it too although it is entirely innocent. I do not want her to dislike me. My friend is an important part of my life. My ex would not have done this either unless there was a big group of colleagues staying somewhere together.
I like the idea of going on these adventures but at whose expense ?

I'd not have a problem with going away with one male friend. But I would with another. Honestly trusting your instinct won't hurt, there's something you're picking up on especially if you've known him a while. Can you make a bigger group up?

I wouldn’t go at the risk of him making a pass.

If you think he is a genuine friend, you could ask him, what does your girlfriend feel about it? Or why doesn’t she come? Don’t let him act like his girlfriend doesn’t exist.

You feeling unnerved is your gut telling you something is off.

I personally wouldn't, especially if his GF already has trust issues with him. I'd tell him that when I was part of a couple I wouldn't have liked my DP going to events/places on his own with a woman and so I wouldn't do it out of respect for his GF.

Ask him if she's ok with this, and if he brushes it off say you need him to make sure she is before you sign up to anything.

I
Don't think he would ever make a pass.
I do think he like the company of me.
I do not want to step on her toes but is that my responsibility.I would dearly
Like to attend these events with him being t wonder about his intentions.

I'd trust your instincts but decline in a way to maintain the friendship if you value it. Better that than going, him propositioning you and the uncomfortableness ending the friendship.

If you want to maintain the friendship going forward, making it clear you'd like to meet his DP might condition him to realise you see him as a friend, not as a potential romantic partner.

Men and Women can be friends, I would prefer to meet the partner though just so she can put a face to the name and knows first hand you are no threat.

I have suggested on three occasions that we meet. He has had a reason each time why it is not possible. I feel that if she meets me she will know that I am not a threat. She does not like our level of interaction however. He is doing nothing to remedy this.
He suggests many activities but the feel its inappropriate even though I'd love us tons them together eg go to a rugby match together in London , a gig in Glasgow but it's on our own with overnights. I cannot understand how she is ok with this and I feel embarrassed toask as it may come across as if I think he would do something untoward. Hope I'm make my myself clear . Sorry if not

I think he wants to have his cake and eat it.
Even though he's not sleeping with or kissing you. He's hanging out with you at the same time as being in a relationship with her. It's sort of like your his OW but without physical side.
I don't think his partner would like it either.

If you're meant to be together ( as oddly, a sense of love for him, and long term relationship without physicality that youve had, comes through from your wording ) then tell him. Maybe he'll choose you. Don't be his bit on the side. With or without the shagging.

Why is she not going to any of these events?

He simply does not invite her to anything other than couples events eg weddings etc.

Can't you just say, "That sounds good fun but I wouldn't be happy about that if I was GF, so I'll have to say no."

It’s up to him to manage his relationship not you. If it makes you uncomfortable why not invite her or another group of friends along? Why does it just need to be the 2 of you?

A few things to consider - that you pointed out
He has resisted your attempts to meet his GF
He is slow to commit to her
She does not like your level of involvement
He only began these invitations when you were single again

Only go if she does, and take a buddy for you, too.
Go as a four. If he won't do that, it speaks volumes.
And watch for him saying she'll come along, and then 'cancelling' when you are about to set off, therefore take another person too.

@HollowTalk because I would like to go to these events with him. I'm trying to figure out I f he is out of order and if i am wrong for going or is it
My responsibility or business to care about his girlfriend .

I agree with going with s bigger group.

Maybe he is being kind by inviting me to events now that I am single? He knows I have plenty of free time. Perhaps he feels sorry for me as I was dumped ?

These activities are only suggested always as a pair

Ok does the GF exist? 🤷‍♀️

Him keeping you apart will blow up in her mind

I would step away from this potential mess