Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

AIBU to ask whether your child's teacher has ever picked up on something being awry?

58 replies

OhDeez · 04/02/2020 06:28

It happened to me once. I got a phone-call to collect dd1 from school as she was complaining of a pain in her tummy. Her teachers were all lovely. Genuinely kind teachers and she adored them. When I arrived, her teacher asked whether everything was alright at home, because she said it's most unlike her - 'Is everything ok at home?'. I of course lied and said that everything was fine, but in fact, the teacher was spot on - something had happened the day before. DD1 always loved school but the teacher could sense that there was nothing up with her physically, but that there was something up. You don't get that sort of intuition or concern from most teachers I suspect, but I was appreciative that she was totally attuned to dd - probably saw her more hours of the day than I did really!

Has anyone else had a kind teacher pick up on something?

TBH I didn't even realise that dd had picked up on anything being wrong, but it clearly had affected her. She just wanted to come home to see that I was ok.

OP posts:

HugeAckmansWife · 04/02/2020 06:54

Years ago when I was an NQT I was worried about a girl in my form, 12 yo, she was a good student but had recently been very lethargic, pale etc. I raised my concerns and mum took her to the dr. She had a thyroid problem I believe. 5 years later when she left, her mum made a point of thanking me.

mantarays · 04/02/2020 06:59

It’s often pretty clear when a child is distressed about something.

Voxx · 04/02/2020 06:59

I think it’s quite common for small children to confuse the anxiety butterflies-in-tummy feeling as pain. Or say they’re in physical pain because they can’t describe/articulate emotional pain. Good teachers should always be aware of the possibility.

Original poster

OhDeez · 04/02/2020 07:02

That's a lovely story. I'm sure her Mum remembers you to this day.

I was also blessed with dd's childminders. They all had kids of their own (apart from the first one who I had to fire after 6 weeks) and they would tell me at pick-up - she's coming down with something, I gave her calpol at 4, so she'll be due more at 8pm. See you in the morning! I genuinely think I struck gold with the care she had outside of me from 6 months old.

OP posts:

PooWillyBumBum · 04/02/2020 07:05

Not quite the same but my DD’s teachers identified her dyspraxia within a few days of her starting nursery school as she was very slow to get up off the carpet compared to other kids. We managed to get her into occupational therapy immediately and it’s done wonders. She can manage PE etc, coordination is okay and does well above average academically now. Dread to think if it’d gone unnoticed for years, I’d never even heard of it.

Original poster

OhDeez · 04/02/2020 07:10

Isn't it amazing what we don't see?

I actually thought (stupidly) that there might be something wrong with dd's hearing, as she would always stand right in front of the TV. Of course, idiot that I am, the school eyesight tests identified that she was short-sighted. I would never have picked up on that.

OP posts:

Thatoneoverthere · 04/02/2020 07:26

One kid I looked after had a teacher suggest we get his eyes tested, me and his parents had thought his hearing was a problem, not his eyes. We were told at the time that that is pretty common, don't know if it was just to make us all feel better or not.

Iusedtobeapartygirl · 04/02/2020 07:27

I noticed a child was struggling to read off the board, suggested she needed an eye test and she returned a few days later wearing glasses.

Another little boy kept needing the loo and asking for water and was generally tearful and whiny. I spoke to his Mum about it and she took him to the doctor. It turned out that he had type 1 diabetes.

I'm sure there are more examples if I think about it, as a primary teacher I spend a lot of time with my pupils so notice any changes.

CaptainMyCaptain · 04/02/2020 07:29

I had a child in my class who was trying very hard at Phonics but seemed to be hearing very different sounds. I mentioned this to his Mum and suggested he get a hearing test - he came back with hearing aids!

GlitteryGracie · 04/02/2020 07:35

You don't get that sort of intuition or concern from most teachers I suspect

CaptainMyCaptain · 04/02/2020 07:37

Actually I think you probably do. Most teachers that I know care deeply about the children in their class and are quite well attuned to them (this is part of the stress of teaching, we worry about them when they go home too ) This is very true. Sometimes, too, we know something is wrong but parents, social services, management etc. won't acknowledge it.

81Byerley · 04/02/2020 07:39

@OhDeez I do think it's important to give the teacher a heads up about any problem at home. If they know that a child may be upset they can keep a closer eye on them, and maybe be more understanding if there's any problem behaviour.

FlamingoQueen · 04/02/2020 07:43

Sometimes even school office staff pick up on things! Sometimes things just don’t sound right and unfortunately, I’ve been right a few times. Every teacher I know cares about the children and want to know the little things, it helps them to do their job.

TabbyMumz · 04/02/2020 07:49

Some teachers do spot things, but a lot dont. My child moved form this year and has a new form teacher, who also does drama, so is involved in discussions with the kids who do drama all the time. We have a family member with a brain injury so a lot going on at home. Her form teacher last year knew about it and kept an eye on her at school.This one hasnt even said hello to her since September.

MaxPanic · 04/02/2020 07:49

40 years ago, aged 7, I was a bright kid but started to be very tearful at school, crying so much that I had constant red marks under my eyes, making up terrible lies about why I was crying, complaining of feeling sick and begging to go home.

On the day of a school trip I became so hysterical getting on the coach that the headmaster had to remove me and take me to my grandmother's. As soon as I left the coach I calmed down, and the kindly headmaster sat me down in his office, knelt down in front of me and said,

"Why do you think you felt funny on the coach? What is making you frightened every day?"

Sadly I was unable to articulate what was wrong (I had dreadful emetophobia, still do, but I didn't know that was what it was called, and it was very important to my mother that I never let anyone know that I was weird), but I'll never forget his kind words and the sad resignation in his eyes when I couldn't engage with him.

His name was George Hopkins, thanks for asking Mr Hopkins and I'm sorry I couldn't speak.

Hadtoask · 04/02/2020 07:54

This happened to me yesterday! The teacher said she noticed my little one wasn’t joining in at singing lesson. Thought he looked sad. Took him out of the lesson and asked him what was wrong and he burst into tears but then teacher thought he was not telling her truthfully what was wrong. She was so lovely about it. I still don’t know what it was about but I’m grateful she’s so caring. He’s tiny. 5 years old.

Doggodogington · 04/02/2020 07:59

My DDs year 3 teacher told me I should get her eyes checked, he was right.

FamilyOfAliens · 04/02/2020 08:06

You don't get that sort of intuition or concern from most teachers I suspect

I disagree. Not only do schools now have yearly safeguarding updates for all staff, we have ELSAs, counsellors, attached Primary Mental Health Workers and Family Support Workers (I’m one), but we can be charged with a criminal offence if we fail to act on the concerns we have about the welfare of a child.

weebarra · 04/02/2020 08:09

Definitely. Nursery picked up on DS1's dyspraxia before I did.
DS2 is 9 (P5 in Scotland). He has dyslexia which wasn't picked up until now because his reading and comprehension are great - it's just getting things down on paper that he struggles with. Teachers picked up on this too - and I'd like to think I'm a reasonably competent parent!

PlaymobilPirate · 04/02/2020 08:13

Don't fib about everything being fine at home. We wont gossip about it in the staff room if that's what you're worried about but it's really important that we know if there's been a significant change in a child's life

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 04/02/2020 08:17

I am not surprised at all by these comments...I know many teachers who really care about their pupils.They spend all day not only teaching but parenting our kids and they get to know them.They see and hear what parents often don;t ...never come across a bad teacher yet,this isnt a job they do for money.They work so so hard and their dedication to our children should be commended always.

TabbyMumz · 04/02/2020 08:33

"I disagree. Not only do schools now have yearly safeguarding updates for all staff, we have ELSAs, counsellors, attached Primary Mental Health Workers and Family Support Workers (I’m one), but we can be charged with a criminal offence if we fail to act on the concerns we have about the welfare of a child."
But what if the teachers dont give you access to these people? Either by not passing info on to them or by not highlighting their existence to you? I asked for my child to see the school nurse years ago and got told "oh shes only here for half an hour every second Tuesday so you'd be better getting an appointment at your gp".
I'd have loved my child to see a school counsellor to discuss our family member with a brain injury and all that entails, but the form teacher wont even speak to her as too busy with drama stuff.

Goldenhedgehogs · 04/02/2020 08:41

My 12 year old daughter does Judo and is new to the school, been there about three weeks and she got a bruise to her face due to a judo match. The bruise was faint and she has dark skin, it didn't show up much. Two separate teachers asked her discretely if she was ok and how she got the bruise, I was very impressed as easy to have missed.

MargotMouse · 04/02/2020 09:12

I’ve picked up on hearing and sight problems, as you do notice which children are struggling to see the board or not hearing the sounds in words (this was KS1) and I’ve spotted UTI’s when children have been asking for the toilet frequently, that kind of thing. I spotted a child looking like he’d lost a lot of weight whilst getting changed for PE - and then realised he’d been refusing his snack recently too - so mentioned it to his mum but also gave our child protection manager a heads up too. Turns out he was having some issues, which his parents were then able to get some support with.
I’ve never gossiped about anything like this, none of the teachers did or do, just to reiterate what a previous poster said.

FamilyOfAliens · 04/02/2020 09:21

@TabbyMumz

I work in the school and am there three days a week. Parents can ask to see me without going through the teacher.

We’re more of a team than what you’re describing - we have a weekly staff meeting to discuss children we’re worried about and regular safeguarding meetings with all the DSLs - of which I’m one. Teaching assistants, support staff, the site supervisor - anyone can speak to a member of staff if they’re concerned about a child. Go round the obstructive staff member if you have to.

Our counsellor would only see children who need actual counselling though. She is BACP trained so has a good idea of what would work. We have other options for children who may just need to talk something through with an adult.

Flip

1 2 3