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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask whether your child's teacher has ever picked up on something being awry?

58 replies

OhDeez · 04/02/2020 06:28

It happened to me once. I got a phone-call to collect dd1 from school as she was complaining of a pain in her tummy. Her teachers were all lovely. Genuinely kind teachers and she adored them. When I arrived, her teacher asked whether everything was alright at home, because she said it's most unlike her - 'Is everything ok at home?'. I of course lied and said that everything was fine, but in fact, the teacher was spot on - something had happened the day before. DD1 always loved school but the teacher could sense that there was nothing up with her physically, but that there was something up. You don't get that sort of intuition or concern from most teachers I suspect, but I was appreciative that she was totally attuned to dd - probably saw her more hours of the day than I did really!

Has anyone else had a kind teacher pick up on something?

TBH I didn't even realise that dd had picked up on anything being wrong, but it clearly had affected her. She just wanted to come home to see that I was ok.

OP posts:
FamilyOfAliens · 04/02/2020 09:23

And we haven’t had a school nurse for four years in my area so I would always suggest the GP for health issues.

Sh05 · 04/02/2020 09:30

I think teachers and alot of school staff are quite tuned in to what's normal for the children in their class or even just those they interact with regularly.
The school office staff at my ds2s school picked up straight away that he looked worried, they were going on an outdoor activity trip and he didn't know what to expect. I had intended to show him the website but had forgotten so when I dropped him off that morning she reassured him and told him what to expect.

Spacie · 04/02/2020 09:34

My son got his 1st pair of glasses in Y3. I popped in to tell the teacher and she was absolutley mortified and apologetic that she hadn't spotted the issue, so she clearly saw it as part of her job even though she hadn't got it right that time. tbf I'd only taken him for a test because his dad was genetically shortsighted.

Sh05 · 04/02/2020 09:36

Also at my ds2s secondary school, the teachers are really good and notice alot of the girls are aneamic from the way they come in looking really pale and too tired to do much by lunchtime. She's had three classmates this year and it's become a bit of a joke in her class! The parents really do appreciate it because alot of the times tiredness is put down to their busy lives and being young teens.

CaptainMyCaptain · 04/02/2020 13:09

I asked for my child to see the school nurse years ago and got told "oh shes only here for half an hour every second Tuesday so you'd be better getting an appointment at your gp". The school nurse works for the NHS , not the school, so you really are better off making an appointment at the surgery or clinic where she is based.

CaptainMyCaptain · 04/02/2020 13:10

If the school nurse even exists anymore.

TabbyMumz · 04/02/2020 13:17

I did say this was years ago. The point of a school nurse at the time was so as parents could ask her to see their children. Her role was to spend time in each school and see children for minor ailments and give advice. I was being told we couldnt make an appointment, which sort of defeats the object. If parents were told they could not see her, her appointments dry up and then her role ceases to exist.

CaptainMyCaptain · 04/02/2020 13:25

That must have been a very long time ago. I taught for 30 years and retired 5 years ago, I have never heard of a school having a full time school nurse. They were always based at a clinic and served several schools in the area.

Toomuchgoingon · 04/02/2020 13:31

Our DD has FASD and it was thanks to one of her teachers, that it was flagged as something not quite right. It was a kick in the guts but meant that we could start to get her the help she needed.

keepingbees · 04/02/2020 13:37

My DS had always had issues at school. His year 4 teacher told me one day that she saw autism traits in him. He ended up being diagnosed and it explained the problems he had.

I struggled with anxiety and depression all through my school life, looking back it must have been obvious and I wish my teachers had noticed and got me some help.

Punxsutawney · 04/02/2020 13:48

When ds was 4 his reception teacher told me that she felt he was different to the other children in the class. I'm not sure if I was in denial or did believe at the time that all was fine as I said I thought he was just quiet and shy. She then said that she had been a teacher for a very long time and it felt more than that to her. What she didn't do was give us any advice or point us in the direction of the Senco. So although there were some signs over the following years that things were not quite right with Ds we carried on as he seemed to cope.

Ds has recently being diagnosed with autism age 15. I often wonder how things could have been different and he could have been more supported had we followed that teachers concerns. His late diagnosis has been very difficult for him and its only really in the last year when things have fallen apart that he has started to get support he needs. His reception teacher was right.

Hillbillyhotel · 04/02/2020 13:54

My DD is nearly three. A couple of months ago her key worker at nursery asked me if I’d had her dribbling looked in to as she’d never known a child to be so spitty (it’s not even dribbling,more an excess amount of saliva that falls out whilst she’s talking). I’d always just put it down to her being a dribbly child as she’s always been very advanced in everything-she’s now being tested for thyroid issues! I couldn’t thank her enough,I would never have thought twice about it.

FamilyOfAliens · 04/02/2020 16:44

The point of a school nurse at the time was so as parents could ask her to see their children. Her role was to spend time in each school and see children for minor ailments and give advice.

I’m the same as PP - haven’t known of a school nurse carrying out this role in decades. But then, some parents still ask us about the nit nurse!

So much of the role of HCPs has changed - the school nurses I know in other areas spend nearly all their time in child protection meetings. They just don’t have time to spend in schools on the off chance someone might have an ailment that needs their attention.

LolaSmiles · 04/02/2020 16:48

It's part of our job to notice things in our students. I'm secondary so it's a bit different as we see more students less frequently, but you do build relationships.

I've called home when students have been out of sorts and been told about terminally ill grandparents, impending divorce, cancer announcements in the family, a pet dying which was the child's first experience of losing someone/thing, concerns about eating disorders etc
Equally there's times I've kept students back to ask if they're ok because they seem out of sorts. At that point some have shared what's on their mind, others come back in time and share when they're ready to because they've realised there's a trusted adult who cares.

It's upsetting to think that people might think this is unusual in teachers. Most of us genuinely care about our students.

TabbyMumz · 04/02/2020 16:50

"That must have been a very long time ago. I taught for 30 years and retired 5 years ago, I have never heard of a school having a full time school nurse. They were always based at a clinic and served several schools in the area."
I didnt say full time! She was a nurse for all the schools in the area so ours came to the school once every two weeks!!! Prior to that it was once a week, and that was 13 years ago.

TabbyMumz · 04/02/2020 16:53

Our High school has a school nurse now that comes to school once a week and students can ask to see her.

CaptainMyCaptain · 04/02/2020 17:41

OK. I haven't seen a school nurse in years. If she comes once a fortnight, though, it would still probably be quicker to call her at the clinic. The teacher who suggested this was probably trying to help not fobbing you off.

CaptainMyCaptain · 04/02/2020 17:41

Sorry, once a week.

TabbyMumz · 04/02/2020 18:12

"OK. I haven't seen a school nurse in years. If she comes once a fortnight, though, it would still probably be quicker to call her at the clinic. The teacher who suggested this was probably trying to help not fobbing you off."
I didnt think she was fobbing me off, just that the service was there to help kids and parents, but it was so limited you couldnt get to see her and then the service ends. I've no idea which clinic she was at, if one at all, as she went round all the Junior schools. I did make an appt at the gp in the end, I just thought I'd try to use the service they were advertising. It would have saved me taking time off to go to the gp and she could have been seen at school, followed up by a phonecall.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 04/02/2020 18:42

I think teachers also have a sense of what is the normal range of behaviours and abilities for the age group they teach as they have interacted with hundreds of children. Most parents have only dealt with a few children.

DS2’s Reception teacher picked up that his speech sounds were poorly developed. He had chronic tonsillitis when he was a toddler which had affected how he formed sounds. It didn’t take many sessions with a SALT to improve things.

MAFIL · 04/02/2020 19:18

My children's school has a full time nurse, but I think that is pretty unusual nowadays. She is employed directly by the school. I think all the centrally employed school nurses in our County have had their contracts transferred to the county council and do basically no clinical work at all. I think it is dreadful. The school nurse was previously a very valuable role.

Original poster
OhDeez · 04/02/2020 22:48

Some mixed comments here. I think there needs to be communication going in both directions - from parent to school and from school to parent. My fear in not disclosing what was going on was with regards to SS getting involved, but given that the signs were evident in my dd so quickly, I was able to make the necessary changes myself.

I think if SS were not such arseholes, parents wouldn't have the fear of God in them about disclosing issues at home to the school.

OP posts:
FamilyOfAliens · 04/02/2020 23:06

I think if SS were not such arseholes

It’s such a shame you have that view, OP. I’ve worked with social workers who have transformed children’s lives. There are great ones and not so great ones, just like in any group, parents included.

AliMonkey · 04/02/2020 23:23

My experience is of caring primary teachers who know the children well enough to see issues but that at secondary they don’t get to know your child enough to spot anything - particularly if your child is quiet and well behaved. Went to parents evening last week and one of DS’s teachers who has had him for four lessons a week since September had to ask who he was. His form tutor (now had him for four terms) makes comments that suggest she is completely unaware of his special needs. I am therefore pleasantly surprised with the examples from secondary schools.

Tunnocks34 · 04/02/2020 23:34

5 years ago I noticed a pupil becoming withdrawn and increasingly angry over a period of a couple of weeks. The final day (of my involvement) she came into school with a brand new iPhone, which set off alarm bells, combined with her personality change.

She was in the process of being groomed. As soon as I asked her if she wanted to talk to me about anything, she started crying that her boyfriend wanted her to have sex and she didn’t want to. I asked if her boyfriend was also in our school, and she said no, he was older. I referred immediately to safeguarding and thank god the police were able to intervene before she had sex. I wasn’t privy to any further details and she left our school shortly after, but I often think about her and hope she is ok.