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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

There must be a solution to this or nobody would ever have a dog!

194 replies

inexcessive · 04/02/2020 05:45

Can any dog owners help me? My 7 month old puppy has started waking up at around 4am (2am yesterday, went back to sleep at 4am). He whines and barks. I have to go to him as we have neighbours and i can’t just let him bark it out. When i go down he just wants to play. I am literally weeping from sleep deprivation. Currently i don’t feel much love for him and that makes me feel terrible. What the hell do i do?! Can anyone just tell me this will get better?

OP posts:
Jessi1972 · 04/02/2020 17:55

Hi, my Abbey (bullmastiff) was like this - I rescued her when she was 5 weeks old so I will readily accept that the situation is different - but it sounds to me like this is the beginning of separation anxiety. Abbey hated it if we left her downstairs. So to solve the problem we made her own space upstairs on the landing then at bedtime I used to put my top (that I had worn that day) wrapped around hot a water bottle. I'm not going to lie it did take time but eventually it worked. Her vet gave me that advice and also said remember how you got your kids to sleep in their own room - going in, resettling, staying quiet, etc, etc. Same rules apply. You are this puppies alpha female (ie mum) so you need to show them how to behave (vet even said to growl to show your annoyed 😂😂😂) I had to teach her everything and the first few months was exhausting and my kids were adults! So it was just me and her! It was like having a new born baby again! I know your exhausted and frustrated (if I could make you a cup of tea and give you a hug right now I would💖) but it's your frustration that is making you feel the way you are right now and trust me when I say that the day will come when puppy will do something that will turn you to mush and all of this will have been worth it. Abbey became my best friend and sadly passed away last year (yes I was and am still heartbroken) but reading your post and remembering what I went through with her made me smile and not cry (thank you 💖). I guess what I'm trying to say is stuck with it - you can do this xxxxx

Alsohuman · 04/02/2020 17:58

There is no actual evidence re the 5 minutes of walking per month of life, it's entirely made up even though it is widely recommended. There is no evidence that walking harms puppies, other than a study of large breeds and stairs

Thank goodness! Our Jack Russell is six months and has been walked for an hour a day since she was 12 weeks, I was starting to feel quite panicky. She doesn’t go to bed until at least midnight because I’m a night owl and goes through to at least 7.30.

Figmentofmyimagination · 04/02/2020 18:21

Omg take care. This happened to us 9 years ago, but neighbour complained about barking and we have been on ‘family alert’ for the last 9 years because of her barking if left alone for a nano second. She no longer gets up early though, which is something. She sleeps on a quite snuggly warm dog bed in our bedroom. If she wakes in the night I pull her bed closer to my side, which seems to help her.

What breed is she? Ours is an orange roan cocker spaniel. Beautiful but also extremely needy of her family’s company.

Jojo2wyatr · 04/02/2020 21:02

All very good puppy training tips for you @inexcessive...hope they work...have to be very consistent as it sounds like you are..I really like @TheVanguardSix suggestion of talking with your neighbours...and maybe take over a nice bottle of wine when you.....

Jojo2wyatr · 04/02/2020 21:03

when you go

sunnyshowers · 05/02/2020 06:58

Actually the secondary stage Boss mentioned makes sense to me.
Thats when ours first settled in our bed.
Gosh i remember at 8pm i d say to tge family...dont let the dog sleep she ll be awake all night...

Thehop · 05/02/2020 07:00

A pillowcase I’d slept on or a tee shirt I’d worn wrapped round a hot water bottle seemed to help when mine were little

Original poster
inexcessive · 05/02/2020 09:35

Hello everybody! Sorry I didn't reply yesterday, mad day at work. Thanks so much to everybody who responded. So much good and useful advice - I am going to try a few different things. Having said that, amazingly, last night he went to bed at 10am and didn't get up until 8!! What is going on? I couldn't believe it. Let's see what happens tonight. Just to add some people think he's in a crate. He's not - he's in the living room and allowed on the sofa (but seems to prefer the floor). I know lots of people said that he should be in our bedroom and even in our bed. We really don't want to do that partly because our cat needs a safe space upstairs but also because ... well, we love him very much but just don't really want him in our room. And I REALLY don't want him in my bed. It's bad enough having my husband in there, don't want a smelly dog too. I have to say I have been thinking a lot about whether this is unreasonable. I don't think it is really. We had dogs growing up and they slept their whole lives in the kitchen. I think they had a lovely life and I feel very confident that they were not psychologically damaged by that. Anyway ... I feel like a new person today, let's hope he does the same tonight. Thanks again!

OP posts:
FlamingGalar · 05/02/2020 10:05

Hi OP,
Our 10 month old puppy has just started doing exactly the same while my husband was away. He’s a bit of anxious pup as it is so I think there was a bit of separation and noise anxiety from the foxes in the garden.

I did a bit of extra training with him in the evenings to tire him out and also have him a few drops of CBD oil about an hour before I wanted him to sleep to help with the anxiety. He’s been sleeping through without a problem since.

I love my boy with all of my heart but I also don’t want him on my bed. He’s a prolific poo roller so upstairs is out of bounds unless he is having a bath. We have other pets that live upstairs in the house which is another reason he’s not allowed upstairs generally.

Dogs can be much loved members of the family and still have areas of the house they’re not allowed into!

Original poster
inexcessive · 05/02/2020 10:18

Yes agreed @flamingGalar. Love my dog but also love vaguely clean sheets! Interesting about CBD oil. I might try that. And definitely agree re: foxes and noise, we have so many out and about at the moment, I am pretty sure they don't help.

OP posts:
Elbeagle · 05/02/2020 11:34

I adore my children. I adore my dog. I spend the vast majority of my life caring for them.
I don’t particularly want them in my bed.

Spodge · 05/02/2020 17:14

It is not at all unreasonable to keep your dog out of your bed. I did allow mine onto the bed for cuddles, and tried having them overnight, but they insisted on lying on my head, so it was impossible. During the early toilet training phase I slept on the sofa with the pup in a crate so I was woken if they needed out without everyone else being disturbed.

knickerthief1 · 05/02/2020 17:55

Not a help to you OP, but I can never understand why a lot of rehoming charities won't rehome to people who work in the day, yet will happily rehome to someone who makes their dog sleep alone downstairs all night. Really whats the difference? Sounds like your pup has some separation anxiety.

jeapurs54 · 05/02/2020 17:57

My dog is nearly 15 and gets me up about 3 - 4 times during the night. I expect it is due to her being an old lady now. She rarely wees indoors so apart from lack of sleep on my part she is a good dog. Cannot think of a way to solve this as I am currently sleeping on the sofa to save going up and down stairs to let her out.

Alsohuman · 05/02/2020 17:57

We started ours off in our bedroom, she chose to sleep downstairs.

RIPWalter · 05/02/2020 18:00

When my dog was a puppy I would set an alarm about 15 minutes before I expected him to wake up, take him out into the garden on his lead for the toilet then resettle him. If I didn't do this he would wake himself up fully and stay awake. Gradually I pushed the time further and further back until he was sleeping through the night.

Lincolnfield · 05/02/2020 18:06

Counterintuitive I know but think about having another dog. We’ve always had three - currently an old golden retriever (14 years) and two lat coated retrievers, one is 8 and our baby boy is 15 months. All three sleep on their beds in the kitchen and none of them bark in the night unless something outside the house disturbs them. The last time it was someone trying to break into our garden shed.

As others have said, dogs are pack animals and they get something from sharing heir home and lives with another dog that they can’t get from human owners.

Sorry it’s not a quick fix but might be worth a thought?

Lincolnfield · 05/02/2020 18:07
  • flat coated!
freccle · 05/02/2020 18:09

just take the dog to bed with you.

bigdogspompoms · 05/02/2020 18:10

A crate for sleeping worked for us. She slept really well once she was crated. We only stopped when we got a second dog.

We'd do it again for another puppy.

lorettalemon · 05/02/2020 18:11

I live in a flat so I had to keep this under control straight away so we didn't get complaints. I found having the bed in the crate next to my bed and then the bed on the floor in my bedroom was the only way to stop it.

MarvellousMonsters · 05/02/2020 18:14

Dogs are pack animals, evolved to live in groups. You have a baby dog which has various amounts of company during the day, but is left alone all night. He’s lonely/scared/stressed. Adopt another dog so he has company or let him sleep in a crate/bed upstairs near you.

TheDogsMother · 05/02/2020 18:16

Murraythemonk. You are me ! For years we had great success with our JR in a crate then brought him into our bedroom without crate during particularly disruptive building work. I've never been able to restore order since and he turns up on the bed every night now Confused

Lincolnfield · 05/02/2020 18:21

Also - just read that he’s not crated? Maybe an idea? Blakie, my youngest flat coat had a huge crate Until he was about six months old which we left the door open for him so he could go in and out as he wanted. It had his blanket, a fleecy covered hot water bottle and his beloved ‘wabbit’ - which he still sleeps with, although he’s much too big for any crate now (he stands 24 inches at the shoulder!). We put a throw over the top of the crate as well because dogs do like to have a den - it’s a security thing for them.

I’m totally with you about no bedrooms or beds. We’ve had retrievers for over forty years and they’ve always slept in the kitchen. They each have a big comfy bed, though they are quite liberal about which one they choose to sleep on 😂😂. It’s just not healthy for you or the dog to share a bed. I don’t think many people would have their teenage sons in their bed so why in God’s name have your doggy equivalent in there?

Sarahlou252 · 05/02/2020 18:26

There are things you can try - Classic fm on the radio quietly, try a crate with a blanket on the top to make it like a cosy den, use an item of your clothing so it smells of you. But to be honest, we had this problem for months before we gave up and had our boy in a crate in our bedroom and he has slept through every single night since. He probably just needs to be near you.

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