DHs reaction to sexual assault [trigger warning]

[Futaridoushi]

Whilst in a casino, a man deliberately and repeatedly rubbed his genitals against my bum and touched me innaprioprately whilst I was trying to play roulette with my friends. I didn't say anything to staff, and my (male) friends weren't making a big deal of it, but felt upset and violated so I went back to the hotel I was staying at. I called DH and told him about what happened, and his first response was that "I must have looked hot".

AIBU to be extremely upset by this? He's since said it was a stupid remark and he was trying to cheer me up, but I can't really get over it, especially since I was already crying on the phone and hadn't made it sound light-hearted. Maybe I'm overreacting though.

You're not over-reacting at all - he's a complete arse.

You’re not overreacting, men can be really fucking stupid.

Definitely not overreacting! What an awful thing for him to say to you

He admits it was a stupid thing to say, but thinks that is enough to let him off the hook. I was at least expecting more of an apology (he apologised on the phone at the time, but not this time).

Definitely not overreacting. I'm so sorry this happened to you

I’d have accidentally elbowed him in the privates, or accidentally thrown my head back “laughing” and hoped I’d headbutted him in the process.

Does the Casino not have cameras? Report it as sexual assault.

Men completely minimise sexual assault. One time the receptionist at the surgery I worked in was sexually assaulted on the bus and gratefully accepted everyone's advice to go home and decide what she would like to do in terms of police etc. In strolls Jack the Lad colleague who sees her getting in a cab home with another colleague and says that isn't a good enough reason to get the day off.

Sorry this happened to you. Men are often demonic bastards.

“ Men are often demonic bastards.”
And so are women

I'm so upset for you. What a shitty thing to say, and you're friends weren't great either.

*your

Ugh. Edit button, please.

LTB. If he can’t be there for you when you experience a lower level sexual assault like this, how would he cope if something more serious has happened? He’s not husband material

Yuk, awful comment from him.

Somehow I don't think he'd find a similar comment aimed at him funny if he was sexually assaulted by a man. It was extremely insensitive of him OP but if he is otherwise a decent man, and this is just a blip, I'd just explain how you felt vulnerable etc and needed sympathy, not cheering up by a glib comment.

YANBU. Happened to me on the metro in Paris, a guy rubbing his nasty willy up and down my leg. I felt horrible and violated but people thought it was funny. Your dh was being a proper dick.

Oh bore off overnightangel.

I take it you’re one of the excusers for pathetic men, that voted YABU.

Your husband behaved like a complete dickhead, as did the other men in your group. They have no understanding of how vulnerable a woman feels under those circumstances. I’m so sorry.

Ask him how he would feel if you started grinding yourself against a strange man. I guarantee that he’d say that’s different and sexual. Ask him why does he think it’s ok for a strange man to act in a disgustingly sexual way towards you.

So he thinks you should view a sexual assault as a compliment ?
Is rape the ultimate compliment for a woman then?
Does he think that when people are sexually violated they think to themselves 'wow lucky me I've pulled'?
What a total tosser he is.

I'm very sorry you were assaulted, do you have anyone sensible (ie not your partner) that you can talk to if you think it would help - sister, mum, best friend ?

I’m sorry OP, what a shit response from him. Men really just don’t get it, so they?!

So because of the way he perceives your appearance you should accept unwanted and disgusting treatment from other men? He's let you down massively here OP. Dealbreaker. He doesn't respect you any more than the idiot who thought it was okay to do that to you. You deserve a damn sight more than this belittling behaviour.

Men do not understand. I'm so sorry op- been through sexual assault several times both here and in another country I lived in. Males who knew fucking LAUGHED. Just added to he many, many straws from men over the years that broke the proverbial camels back for me.

@overnightangel ODFO.

How horrible! Both the incident then your husbands reaction! Your husband is the one person you should be able to turn to after something like this. My ex H once said the most despicable thing to me and I was left open mouthed. He said exactly the same as your DH, that it was a stupid thing to say but I couldn’t forgive him for it. It was a lightbulb moment for me. It revealed a lot about his underlying thinking. Is this typical of your DH? Is he often insensitive or thoughtless. There are some things that can be forgiven but making light of your sexual assault is beyond insensitive. I’m not sure I could look at him the same way again.

I’m so sorry OP. I had something similar happen when I was with my ex, it was his friend and his response was awful. You deserve better

That is horrible OP, sorry you had to deal with that.

But you know all this. He needs a lesson as to why men feel entitled because a woman wore something, acted some way, drank something etc.