Should I stop breastfeeding?

[Babybee2020]

I am writing this probably to help me deal with this for myself.
I've had baby 3 by c section due to the ravaged pelvic floor from 1 & 2.
She was sleepy, jaundiced lost >10% needed top ups. She's got reflux. Feeds hourly for a lot of the night. Needs held to
Sleep. Feeds a lot of the day for hours and hours.
I've seen a lactation consultant she's got posterior tongue tie but it's mild and Issue is my nipple is too big for her mouth.
I understand how to breast feed and the physiology of demanding feeding and night feeding.
I managed 6-7 months with the others.
I'm miserable. I'm horrible to my husband. I'm short tempered with my kids. I'm unreasonable. I cry a lot. I'm not happy.
Why has it come to this? I'm exhausted. I think I need to stop but I feel so selfish and also maybe won't even help!!
Any similar experiences?

It's entirely up to you whether you continue or not and I don't have experience of nipple size being an issue. If reflux is bad though, please assume she has an allergy because every reflux baby I've known has ended up being diagnosed with having had allergies (usually cow's milk protein, could be egg or gluten or mix, lots of them get over it in their second year). So either you cut them from your diet if you're breastfeeding (use oatly milk & butter alternatives etc) or insist on trying allergy suitable formula very early on, you can get it prescribed.

And I'm so sorry you're miserable, sending you a big hug.

You don't need permission from the internet to stop breastfeeding. If it's having such a negative impact on you then stop. Baby's will pick up on your stress and as will the rest of your family. If you're not being you and it's having a detrimental effect then stop. If you want to carry on, carry on. Or try and mix feed?

Sending big hugs. It’s ridiculously tough when it’s not just going how it did with your first/others. It surprises me that the LC hasn’t said to get the TT cut anyway, especially when you have large nipples (I’m also in that club!!) and combined with the initial weight loss. TT and large nipples is a recipe for disaster usually even if the TT is mild. It might not be affecting the tongue but may be stopping baby opening their mouth just that little bit extra which would really help. Reflux may be related to allergies etc but I would be pushing harder to address the TT even if you do decide to bottle feed as it won’t be helping that side of things regardless of how baby is fed.

Ultimately you do what is best for you AND baby and don’t feel bad about it for one single second.

If you feel like you need permission, then permission granted. Stop.

The important thing is that you are happy and the baby is being fed what they need. If these things aren’t happening by breast feeding then stop.
We all get that breast fed milk is best for the baby but more important is that they are getting food and their mum isn’t getting poorly by providing that food.

A natural delivery is better for a baby than a CS. However, when all things are equal, a CS is sometimes the better or only choice.

BFing is the same. Are you beating yourself up for the CS? Nope because it was the right, safe, obvious option for you and protected your maternal health. Apply the same logic to feeding your child. This child. What is best for the two of you?

You don't need permission. I don't want to tell you what to do as it is your choice but happy to support with advice to continue or encouragement to stop.

Christ this boils my piss. There is no such thing as a mild tongue tie. There is no such thing as your nipple is too big - WHO IS TELLING WOMEN THIS UTTER SHIT?! If this was a male issue, it would just be sorted rather than blaming his fucking anatomy.

There are only babies who can work with and/or a tongue tie. I was a baby who fed fine with a tongue tie. My babies could not. Your baby cant work around it, and so it needs revised. Formula feeding doesn’t guarantee that the problems would stop, as the reflux is more than likely related to the tongue tie as well.

Go to bottle feeding or keep breastfeeding, it is entirely up to you, but please consider revision.

You don’t need anyone’s permission to stop OP. Personally I feel it would be more selfish to keep going if it’s having such a negative effect on you and therefore the rest of your family. It’s the relationship with your baby that’s important not how the nourishment goes in so imo stop, let others share the load and start enjoying your baby. This time is short and you won’t get it back.

If there is a tongue tie, it needs to be treated. You may find the reflux and very frequent feeding sort themselves out after a tongue tie release. Which benefits you both whether bf or not.

how old is baby? get the tongue tie sorted and take your self back to bed for a few days and just feed. do you have help with the other children? consider cutting dairy from your diet incase that helps the reflux. is baby on meds for reflux? has it been diagnosed?

You could also consider combination feeding: formula and pumping. That way you don't have to be the one always doing all of the feeds.

How old is your baby? I had sudden bouts of tears when my dd was very new and I was still figuring it all out. I don't think you're immune from feeling overwhelmed, regardless of how many children you've had before. Bug hugs

Thank you all for replying.
She's 7 weeks old so still very little but my wee boy who's only 3 feeling a bit left out with all the feeding which I think is what is getting me most upset. I know he'll get over it but he's handled new baby arrival so well.
Reflux diagnosed and is on gaviscon as carobel didn't help x

You are not being selfish for wanting to help your baby to feed. I would try with a bottle and see if it’s easier. It’s not like the second you give your baby a bottle they’ll never have breastmilk again. The thing about children is that you need to work to their needs.

I think you need to do what's right for you, formula is great, and your baby will thrive on it, as you have BF before your expectations are probably realistic which should help you make an informed decision. If you really wanted to then maybe seek advice from someone else in terms of feeding, as nipple size in theory shouldn't be an issue; you could also look into combi feeding or expressing (very challenging though). However formula is honestly great, so if you feel like you don't want to keep going then dont.

If you want to stop, stop! A stressed out mum is no good for baby (or your other children) It’s not a failure to feed your baby the way that works best for you

Ah, I could have written your post. I struggled on for 7 months BF: referred to paediatrician for poor weight gain, syringing gaviscon before every feed (so about 12 times a day).
Gave up at 7 months and wished I’d stopped sooner. I BF DD1 till she was 18months so felt I should do it for DS. What made me eventually give up was he went on a feeding strike and my milk dried up. It’s like the actual had to tell me ‘mum this isn’t working for us!’

When we eventually saw the paediatrician she was the first professional that said putting him on the bottle was a good idea for us: I’d been feeling so guilty!

Good luck OP.

The number one thing your baby needs is a happy mum, dont stress it, dont feel guilty, you do what you need to do.
I had the same internal battle when my baby was 2 weeks, after a big weight loss and a strict feeding plan, I couldn't cope anymore it was making me so poorly mentally.

If you want to stop then stop. You don't need anyone's permission.

It's a hard decision though, an emotional one. It's hard to be rational about it.

I was like you with ds3. He also had reflux but doesn't have any allergies. I decided I would keep going till 12 weeks but in the meantime I would give him one bottle of formula a day. Then a week later I would up it to 2 bottles a day and so on.

Once I had given myself that limit, and that flexibility, it suddenly all felt much more manageable and I was still breastfeeding after a year, the longest of all my babies.

This could have been me just 7 weeks ago (minus the C section). I was feeling intensely guilty that I wanted to give up, especially as previous DC was EBF. So I wouldn't be giving them the same advantages... but I was about to crack and if I hadnt found a solution or stopped BF I would have had a breakdown.
Insist on having tongue tie treated. They'll only do it until 12 weeks and I had to push and push to get my DDs done at 11weeks and 5 days- and it was much worse experience than it had been with older DC who had it done at 5 weeks.
I was lucky this wasnt my first else I wouldn't have known, or known to insist. And now it has made a HUGE difference. Her colic and to a certain extent her reflux was definitely down to that. She feeds more efficiently and my elder DC dont feel quite so resentful!

Do what works for you. But if it was me I would be pushing to fix tongue tie as it sounds like that is what is probably causing the BF issues. I dont disagree about the nipple size. I had that with DC1 but again having tongue tie cut helped. And time of course!
I sound like I work for the tongue tie board dont I?

*was posterior TT too. And the effect is often underestimated

I agree with @BuntyCollocks. I used to spend hours on here combing through BF threads looking for some hope as I found BF my DD so difficult. I'd be in tears most days. She also seemed to feed constantly, and each feed would take ages. I went to a BF support group when DD was 2 weeks old where the LCs are supposed to also do an oral assessment etc. The LC took a look at my DD and said "she manages to stick her tongue out so doesn't have a tongue tie, looks fine". So I struggled on for another 2 weeks, exhausted and in immense pain. Then after reading about tongue tie myself online and the symptoms etc I got DD privately assessed (expensive but I was desperate) and it turned out she did have a TT and had it released. BF massively improved after that for me and she's almost 4 months old and I love BF. She also now goes longer between feeds and feeds take about 1/4 of the time they used to. If your DC has a TT, they may not be able to latch properly which means: they may swallow more air and have issues with wind and reflux, they are not able to effectively feed so will get tired and stop before they are full which means they will want another feed very soon after.

This was me with my last baby and formula feeding helper me to spend time with my other kids and my mental health. Personally I feel a stressed unhappy low mum is going to have more of a negative impact on the baby than formula milk. There are so many variables but certainly feel no guilt.

My nipple was too big for DD at first, but around 3wks it was fine. I kept going and supplemented with formula until we had it. They grow quickly!

Google the Dr Thomson method, lots of mothers have spoken to them and had successes, also a Facebook group.