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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if you had an unplanned pregnancy, how did things work out?

56 replies

OhDeez · 03/02/2020 04:03

Just that really.

OP posts:
Livedandlearned · 03/02/2020 04:33

Worked out well for me in the end. I had planned an abortion but couldn't go through with it.

The first few months of my pregnancy were not enjoyable though.

Hope you're ok Thanks

rebecca102 · 03/02/2020 04:35

8 months into relationship, very unexpected, 3 and a half years later happy and still together.

ploughingthrough · 03/02/2020 04:40

I did. She's 7 now and the best unexpected twist in my life that ever happened. DH (DP) at the time freaked out a bit as we weren't really at baby stage, but of course he adores her. We even had another one we liked her so much!

I considered not going through with my pregnancy but every day I look at her and thank the stars that I chose to carry on.

Pixxie7 · 03/02/2020 05:04

Fell pregnant when other children were 7 and 9 was devastated he is now 30 and the light of my life.

abstardust · 03/02/2020 05:06

For me it did, was very early in the relationship. Was a shock for both of us and was up and down for a while (nothing bad just both trying to work things out) but came through and it will be 10 years together this year.

curiousierandcouriser · 03/02/2020 05:25

It worked for us to - unexpected pregnancy early in the relationship resulted in an adorable DC and marriage. Wont say it wasn't stressful at times, but it was definitely worth it for us.

Goostacean · 03/02/2020 05:43

Led to a smaller gap than I wanted (22 months) although DH was delighted. Is also the reason I’m awake at this hour!

I was only back at work for 7 months between babies and that went extremely well, I was really motivated, which was great. I’ve been quite resentful at times, and spent the first weeks after I found out feeling absolutely furious. Genuine total rage. But the pregnancy was much easier than my first one, and I didn’t have antenatal depression again. Baby has slotted into family life relatively easily, toddler is loving and accepting. However DH is much much less engaged with second child now that baby is here, which is bothering me a lot. He thinks he may be done with children, which is disappointing because the pregnancy and newborn days felt like something to just be gotten over with- I didn’t treasure it all as my “final go”. So we shall see.

Generally, has worked out well.

squeekums · 03/02/2020 05:47

I found out I was pregnant at 27 weeks
Me and dp had been together for a while, kids wasn't on the cards at all as I never wanted to be pregnant or give birth, wasn't a baby fan
Dd is now 9 and me and dp still together. Hasn't always been easy though but wouldn't change it.

BoomBoomsCousin · 03/02/2020 06:01

I got pregnant in my early 20s with someone I had been with for a year but wasn't living with and just before I was due to start new job. I had an abortion. 15 years later I had a planned pregnancy with the same guy. Now have two daughters.

ReginaPhalangeee · 03/02/2020 06:07

It made for a smaller age gap than I had planned for (21 months), but generally, everything has worked out well.

FleabagTeabag · 03/02/2020 07:35

M second pregnancy was unplanned. Likea previous poster, it led to a much smaller age gap than I had planned to have (22 months....no way would i have planned that!). At first i was actually upset and scared, and cried a lot. But now I'm delighted, I've got a 4 & 6 year old who are best pals. And I got all the baby stuff over and dine with much quicker than other people.

saywhatwhatnow · 03/02/2020 07:37

Our first was very much planned and took a long time to conceive, our second was the absolute opposite. It took my DH a while to get his head around it as DC1was a 'challenging' baby and he had said he was one and done. However now DC2 is here it's obvious he was always meant to be.

Effinell · 03/02/2020 07:56

I was with my then boyfriend for 3 weeks when I fell pregnant. Our DC is 20 today and we've been together for 21 years married for 11 years.

Soundbyte · 03/02/2020 08:00

I’m currently 21 weeks pregnant with what will be my fifth child. We weren’t planning on any more and aside from getting snipped/tubes tied we have been doing everything possible to prevent further pregnancies. I was struggling really badly with my mental health and then found out I was expecting. It was the worst possible thing that could have happened and I was utterly devastated. That lasted for a few months and I was so close to terminating. I ended up back under the care of my MH team and on new medications and was a huuuge mess.

I had the 12 week scan and heard the heartbeat and I still didn’t feel any differently, I was so resentful about it all and felt no connection to the baby whatsoever. My partner and I decided that I would wait until my meds had kicked in properly and reassess my feelings then before determining how to proceed.

As things have progressed and my MH is in better shape I’ve become fairly happy about the baby although I’m still unhappy about actually being pregnant. More recently I’ve started feeling the baby moving, much later than I normally would have due to an anterior placenta but I’m really happy every time I feel it. I managed to, for the first time ever stuck to my guns at the later scan and not found out what I’m having which I’m pleased about and with every day I’m happier and more excited about the new arrival. I would never have anticipated feeling this way at the beginning though. I was referred to the peri natal mental health team aswell really quickly and the counselling really helped sort through my feelings.

If you’re asking for yourself there are usually free and confidential sessions held in the local area for pregnant women, it’s worth asking your GP or looking on the board at the local surgery/hospital/ante natal clinics. They’re really helpful and can help you tease all the issues through inch by inch, it’s much easier imo to talk to someone experienced about it and who will have lots of relevant info. Good luck OP Flowers

Soundbyte · 03/02/2020 08:01

Sorry for the essay! 😳

Ikeasucks · 03/02/2020 08:24

Had been married for 5 yrs and was 32 - a shock (especially as me and my husband were struggling and possibly would have split) when i fell pregnant. After shock and initial worry it was the best thing to have happened as i might never have had kids or felt ready to make that decision. 18 yrs later and we have had dome massive ups and downs and another child. But overall - no regrets

MidsomerMum · 03/02/2020 08:28

It worked out for us. We were just over a year in. Been together over a decade and have an ongoing struggle to conceive again. It’s like she’s always been here and was always supposed to be. I never had any worries or doubts when I found out though. The only thing I have struggled with at times is that it’s meant my career plans have been on hold for a long time. I’m ticking over, but not completely where I want (or intended) to be.

PooWillyBumBum · 03/02/2020 08:33

I’ve been unexpectedly pregnant twice.

First time I was 17. It did work out but was tiring. I sat my A levels, got all As, went to an excellent university and bought my first house in the south east in my early twenties.

I’m now pregnant again, nearly 30, married this time. I’m sure it’ll all be okay - we are comfortable, husband is wonderful but he is getting a vasectomy this time as I seem to be immune to contraception Angry DH is really excited and a natural born father so that gives me some solace.

I love working and travelling and my hobbies. I do love my daughter and will love this baby but kids will never be the main or only source of happiness in my life and if I had my time again I would fight for some sort of sterilisation!

lotsofdogshere · 03/02/2020 08:34

I woke at 4 am 34 years ago and realised the reason I'd been feeling so rough was because I was pregnant. We had a teenager and a 2 year old, both working full time. We didn't want another baby for all kinds of reasons. That 'unwanted' baby is 33 now and continues to fill our lives with joy. I'm not overstating this honest. Also, she has two small children of her own - yep, we love them as well.
Hope you're ok OP. This is my positive story but if you don't want to continue your pregnancy, please do what's right for you. x

GinUnicorn · 03/02/2020 08:38

Happened a year before we planned to start trying. Was a shock but she’s the best thing in the world. Her little planned sibling is now on the way. Wouldn’t change a thing

Original poster
OhDeez · 03/02/2020 09:21

Thanks for the posts. No, I'm not pregnant, but my dc was unplanned. I've found it difficult.

OP posts:
ploughingthrough · 03/02/2020 09:29

How old is your dc now op?

YouNeedToCalmDown · 03/02/2020 09:33

Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time OhDeez.

I was a completely irresponsible, unemployed 20 year old and my partner wasn't any better. When I found out I was pregnant, my friends actually held a mini-intervention type of thing, expressing concern that we weren't up to being parents, so concerned were they.

It has been difficult at times, but DH is now a successful business owner, I have a degree and a fairly good job and the surprise is halfway through getting a PhD.

At times I have cried and fretted and been at my wit's end, but overall it has all worked out.

MildlyMiserable · 03/02/2020 09:35

Happened early in a relationship that ended a year after my son was born, I had never planned on having children and was an older mother but I decided it was meant to be.
My son sees his Dad regularly so I get a break then and I was fortunate to have a very supportive family and was able to go part time in my job, it’s hard but worth it, he’s a strapping, stroppy teenager now 😊

Enb76 · 03/02/2020 09:45

My daughter was unplanned and a bit of a surprise. I was no longer with the father when I found out and it was too late to do anything about being pregnant (23 weeks). It's been fine, more than that, my daughter has been the best gift life could ever have given me though it certainly didn't feel that way at the time. It had not been in my life plan to have children.

I have been lucky. While I have always been a single parent, her father never baulked at stepping up and is a brilliant dad, has always paid over the odds on maintenance and loves her to bits. I am fortunate enough to have made good decisions earlier in life and had my own property in London and when I decided to move out I was able to afford a property outright in a village which enabled me to work part-time when my child was small. Now she's older I'm full-time again.

She's 11 now. Life has worked out brilliantly from what at first seemed a terrible, terrible thing.

I found it really hard in the beginning. Everyone congratulated me when I felt my world had come to an end - it probably took me about three years to come to terms with it. Now though, it was the making of me - I am a better, more rounded and happier person because she came into my life.