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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell him to shove his apology

33 replies

moolady1977 · 03/02/2020 02:32

Ok long story short,my mums husband can be toxic I've witnessed and been on the receiving end of it ,cut to a month ago and we had my dsd for the weekend she was full of cold and we got a call from my mum asking if we were going to see them I said dsd had cold and was sneezing and coughing and because her husband has COPD asthma and suffers a lot from chest infections I said no to which I was told it was ok to bring her he was ok .so jump forward to the 22nd Jan I'm sent home from work ill and by the 24th still feeling rough so I ring doctors who says he want to see me ,I ring mum who says yeah we on our way,I get to the car and get given a decorating mask to put on so I do ,get in to the doctors who sends me to hospital for blood tests and ecg (not got cold or flu) I'm ignored by her husband in the car so say I'll get my partner to take me to hospital ,have everything done hospital say chest infection get given antibiotics .jump forward a week tablets are finished and if anything I'm feeling worse than I first did so get another appointment for doctors who looks through notes and says no chest infection more blood tests ,now in all this time my mum has ring me twice and her husband hasn't spoken to me so tonight I get a message from her saying that' he thinks I should apologize to him for not putting the bloody dust mask back on and that he only said yes to us going across when we had dsd to see if we would' .Now my head is spinning should I apologize even though I can't see that I've done anything wrong ,say sorry so I don't put my mum in the middle of it , or do I say shove that for a game of cricket and let him stew ,I know I'm not infectious or contagious and he needs to grow up

OP posts:
lyralalala · 03/02/2020 02:40

So he said you should bring your DSD over as some sort of test? Don't apologise, he's playing games.

I take it you asked them for a lift to the doctors/hospital when the mask appeared?

I just would't ask them for anymore help. You shouldn't really have asked someone with COPD for a lift if you could have been potentially contagious at that point, however, he should have said no if he hadn't wanted too.

If you know he is toxic stop giving him opportunities to get at you

mnthrowaway202020 · 03/02/2020 02:54

Tell them they’re far too old for these silly games/tests and that they should be ashamed of themselves. If he had a problem he surely should have said at the time. Don’t visit or contact them unless you receive an apology.

SonEtLumiere · 03/02/2020 02:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
moolady1977 · 03/02/2020 02:55

Yes I asked them to nip me to the doctors which is a 20 minute walk away but no time at all in the car ,they have always said if you need to go to doctors or hospital give them a ring and they will take me ,when he has been in the depths of a chest infection or COPD attack they are straight on the phone for me to go over ,if I could have got there under my own steam I would have done but as I felt so rough I rang them they didn't have to say yes

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/02/2020 03:20

Stupid game-playing arsehole. Don't fall for it, don't give in - you have nothing to apologise for and he's a dick.

I can't STAND people who do this!

OhDeez · 03/02/2020 03:24

Why did the bollocks have to come along? Does your mother not drive?

Original poster
moolady1977 · 03/02/2020 03:31

No my mum doesn't drive so the final decision was his to make and he said yes he wasn't forced into it ,it was just easier for them to take me than try and get in touch with my partner while he was at work and maybe not able to take me

OP posts:
mnthrowaway202020 · 03/02/2020 03:35

In the future get a taxi or public transport or ask if the GP can arrange a home visit if you’re that bad. You shouldn’t rely on them.

PatricksRum · 03/02/2020 03:39

How old are you OP

OhDeez · 03/02/2020 04:05

I'd be getting a taxi in future. An uber would be about 5-6 pounds. Each way obviously, but if I could at all, I wouldn't be asking for favours anymore. People are generally cunts I've found.

OhDeez · 03/02/2020 04:07

My new motto. Don't apologise if you've done nothing wrong.

DonKeyshot · 03/02/2020 04:20

On NO ACCOUNT should you apologise.

Merely to keep the peace, I suggest you say you've taken on board what he's said and it won't happen again - and never ask him/them to drive you anywhere again.

I would also suggest that if dsd/your dp/yourself have any ailment that could be transmitted to another party you make it clear to all and sundry that, regardless of whether they say it's ok to do so, you won't be visiting them.

kateandme · 03/02/2020 05:09

no way should you say sorry.he is playing games and once you di it once he got another player in the game (under his thumb)
if you really need to becaue your nice and want to keep the peace then you could say"im sorry (wanker) was upset by this " youve not said sorry.youve not felt sorry but he get a line he obviously yearns to get for a bit of power

Daftodil · 03/02/2020 06:11

he only said yes to us going across when we had dsd to see if we would

Who does this?! You said you wouldn't go, he said "that's ok, come" and now says "that was a trick! I didn't mean it and I demand an apology"?

Does he expect you to second guess all of his responses?

The gas mask thing could go either way for me re BU depending on the severity of your illness/his COPD, but the DSD situation is just bonkers.

Original poster
moolady1977 · 03/02/2020 06:28

The apology he wants is for me not putting the face mask back on when I came out of the doctors after I was told I didn't have cold or flu,the blood markers came back from the hospital clear of infections so whatever is wrong with me he cannot catch nobody can ,I don't rely on them but was told by them if I needed to go to the doctors or hospital to give them a ring ,and I'm 42

OP posts:
Dyrne · 03/02/2020 06:32

Your entire family needs a shake to be honest - you should have more resilience and independence so you’re not relying on a man with COPD to take you to the doctors when you have a respiratory issue. That’s bananas.

Your Step dad is a grade A twat; if he was that concerned about his health he wouldn’t have laid the trap, he’s a big boy and should just say “no”.

Also you all need educating as a simple dust mask does absolutely fuck all to stop bacteria and viruses (apart from MAYBE reduce the fluid from you coughing everywhere).

Dyrne · 03/02/2020 06:39

(Also, off topic but where the hell do you live where you can be ill for a grand total of 2 days and the doctor gives you a same day appointment; and then whizzes you off to hospital for tests when he suspects a bog standard chest infection; who then order blood tests and an ECG?!?)

Dyrne · 03/02/2020 06:42

Also you have a weird relationship with them if you are massively upset that you “only” heard from your mum twice in a week; and didn’t hear from your stepfather at all... It’s only a week!!

similarminimer · 03/02/2020 06:45

I don't understand how your doctor can tell you it's not a cold or flu. Tests can rule out subtypes of flu (H1N1 eg). Or chest X-rays rule out pneumonia or blood tests rule out bacterial infections causing an inflammatory response. But there's no tests for colds.

BigButtons · 03/02/2020 07:11

(Also, off topic but where the hell do you live where you can be ill for a grand total of 2 days and the doctor gives you a same day appointment; and then whizzes you off to hospital for tests when he suspects a bog standard chest infection; who then order blood tests and an ECG?!?)

I was wondering this. I have been horribly unwell for 2 weeks now. Managed to get an appointment with a rather uninterested Gp last week who listened to my chest, told me there was no infection and to come back in 3 weeks if I wasn't feeling better.
I was bloody lucky to get an appointment at all.

PatricksRum · 03/02/2020 07:25

Sorry you're 42 but can't arrange to get to a GP appointment 10 minutes walk away?

Here's where your problem lies.

Oulu · 03/02/2020 07:30

Send a message back: "No infection = no need for mask = no apology".

HomerSimpsonSmilingPolitely · 03/02/2020 07:32

he only said yes to us going across when we had dsd to see if we would' .

That makes him a huge twat.

Distance yourself from these people.

Fivetillmidnight · 03/02/2020 07:32

Also wondering not only where OP lives but what DECADE she lives in where only the 'menz' drive ? (Step father giving lifts, 'asking partner to give you a lift' ?
Just as a general heads up, OP - unless you have a serious eye condition, are quadriplegic or suffer from uncontrolled epilepsy- there is very little excuse not to learn to drive if your partner does. Then you can simply drive yourself or mum can drop you off if too poorly to drive. Thus avoiding all this drama and not allowing anyone you know to be 'toxic' a chance to be involved.

fedup21 · 03/02/2020 07:35

I suggest you say you've taken on board what he's said and it won't happen again - and never ask him/them to drive you anywhere again

I would also suggest that if dsd/your dp/yourself have any ailment that could be transmitted to another party you make it clear to all and sundry that, regardless of whether they say it's ok to do so, you won't be visiting them.

Sorry you're 42 but can't arrange to get to a GP appointment 10 minutes walk away?Here's where your problem lies

I agree with all of this.