To be embarrassed being single for 12 years?

[happyandsingle]

Apart from some random dates and a breif 4 month fling that's how long I've been single for.
When people ask me how long I've been single I always lie for fear of being judged.
I'm pretty average looking and been on/of dating sites but just not found the one.
What would you think about a person that had been single that long?

Of ~24 of my "real adult" years (mid 40s now), I have been single for 20 of them. One relationship in all that time.

I feel like a complete failure as an adult tbh. It isn't normal.

I know people who have been married, divorced and remarried in that time.

I'm 43 and have had two serious relationships totalling 8 years. Apart from that and a couple of flings and boyfriends at university, I've been single.
My last relationship ended a year ago and I can't imagine me getting involved with anyone ever again. The amount of energy my ex sucked out of me was unbelievable.
I started analyzing why I wanted to be in a relationship at all and I'm coming to the conclusion that I am much more suited to the single life but I've been fighting this because of society's expectations. I can remember at school being laughed at for not having a boyfriend in my teenage years and in my 20s people constantly going on about my single status. I dreamed of having a boyfriend and possibly marrying and that this would somehow make me successful and maybe more accepted in the eyes of others.
However, I'm now thinking fuck that. My two serious relationships were with men who just wanted to take take take and used to up every spare bit of physical and mental reserve I had with their constant problems.

I'm a different person when I'm single. I'm stronger and I have more energy. I bounce through life and do all sorts of things. I feel confident and like I can take on the world. The last relationship in particular saw my self-esteem hit rock bottom - I felt absolutely useless and worthless - part of the problem were the in-laws who were just so vile and criticized everything.

I'm concentrating on me now and friendships which got lost a bit due to ex being so needy. I'm not ashamed to be single - it's what I want to be right now. Fuck what everyone else thinks - if others want to marry and have children or be in a long term relationship, that's great for them. It doesn't make them better people or more successful. Unfortunately society does look down on the singles a lot - there's always that nagging feeling that you aren't good enough or not attractive enough or something. But as I said, fuck that!!

Out of the dcs' friends parents, i don't think anything of the single parents. The only family i think would be better off making changes is a family with the mum and dad together who have constant dramas. I think it would be better for the kids if they split to be honest as it's affecting them and not fair on them. I may be biased as there were constant fights in the family i grew up in and it was horrible

@BuzzShitbagBobbly I've been single for about 14 years. I have three degrees, a decent enough civil service job, own my home, travelled the length of Africa, have many friends and adopted a child - I would not accept I could have and achieved all that and be considered a failure as an adult because I don't have a partner.

I've been single for about 11 years apart from a very brief relationship of about a month.

I think I'll be single for the rest of my life. I simply can't imagine being in a relationship again. It all seems like such hard work! Life is so much simpler when you are on your own.

I respect people who are self sufficient enough to be single for many years more than I respect those in and out of relationships because they’re desperate for a man at any cost.
Be proud of your single status it’s better than compromising because of others expectations.

39, been single forever. A few flings/short term relationships here and there. Did live with someone for about 10 months but kicked him out after he assaulted me. He’d been emotionally abusive for a while beforehand and it took him grabbing me round the throat for me to realise what a wanker he actually was.

I can’t be arsed with it all anymore tbh. I got sick of being treated like shit so I decided to just not bother with it all. I’m now so used to being single that it would literally take someone amazing for me to trust, commit and change my life.

Been single about same length as op. Used a donor to have my younger kids, never been happier.

I was single for almost 16 years before I met my fiancé.
I had kids, split with their dad when I was pregnant with my youngest, and decided to dedicate my life to bringing them up.
Nothing at all to be embarrassed about,m.

I've been single all my life, apart from a very brief marriage (under 2 years) which resulted in two children and the whole marriage thing was, if I am honest, basically orchestrated by me.
Apart from that, had no other relationship and men have never shown any interest in me at all (unless under a near-lethal dose of alcohol, which is how I lost my virginity and after that did not have any experience until the marriage). I am quite ugly, but reasonably comfortable in my skin now.

I agree with the others, being single for twelve years is nothing about which to be embarrassed. I admire you! I was never single from young teen years and the hassle I experienced until I met my husband and married him at 25 was unbelievable. Yet in a way I enjoyed the angst and missed it when I settled down - not now though, no way.

I was widowed last year and I know there is a big gap in my life now, I have changed and don't want to do anything or go anywhere - much prefer having a long sleep! It won't last forever though, eventually I will have to engage with real life again. However, having a new man is definitely not on my agenda! I want to enjoy being single, up to a point I am enjoying, just not very active - but being on my own I can please myself.

I have one adult child who is lovely, he lives nearby but works abroad a lot and I'm grateful for that. I have long periods of time in which I'm not being pressurised into being organised :-).

Enjoy your life, you don't need a man to define you. If anyone asks you how long ago you had a relationship, just say, "Oh a very long time ago and I'm content as I am at the moment".

Who knows what is round the corner?

I have been single about the same time, a few short flings which were never going to be more but were fun.

I initially found being single quite hard, but after a while I found that I was quite content, just me and the kids. it is actually nice to not have to compromise with anyone, I know I am capable of doing stuff on my own, I don't need a man, or a partner.

I haven't ruled out a partner in the future, but it will be because I want to be with a particular person, not because I don't want to be alone

Don’t feel embarrassed...I was single for years before I meet my partner so I do understand how you feel..I taught everyone was judging me...Fact is ya have not meet the right person..a little white lie is no harm if you more comfortable not saying for how long you are single..but there really is no reason to be embarrassed,,,ya have not meet the right person...If single fully embrace the single life,, and talk about all the things ya do that people coupled up cant😂 that will shut them up!!!

It’s really not that hard to get into a relationship in you have neither.

Gotta disagree with this - even when I did have terrible self esteem and boundaries I still couldn’t find a relationship even though I dated some absolute specimens. Single 7 years now (apart from a few insignificant flings) and it’s only in the last few years I’ve realised how good for me it is and how much of a better person I am when I’m single and can focus on myself. I seriously doubt I’ll meet anyone who changes my mind

I think it's really hard to get into a relationship, I've been single for years (and am happy with that, though I sometimes feel a bit lonely) and haven't had the inkling of interest. The only thing that bothers me is when I am somewhere with other married woman (which doesn't happen often now my DCs are older) and they all treat you like you are after their husbands. perhaps I should tell them that I am more likely to be interested in them, or at least I would be if they weren't so judgemental.

I have been single since the birth of my daughter, nearly two and a half years ago... in the early days I panicked that I would end up alone forever...

Now I just relish the peace and quiet. And I don't think I would ever be happy to share my life again with anyone (not that I'd ever get the chance to meet anyone - work full time).

I've made my peace with it just being me. And dd.

Sometimes I think it might be nice to have someone around; but then I think of trying to find the time to actually meet someone... and then have dates etc. Wouldn't happen as I have no childcare. Not worth the hassle!

I know pp mean well, but saying things like how they admire single people comes across (to me at least) quite patronising. Especially when they say it from a position of being in a relationship, because that begs the obvious question.

I'm not single as some kind of "you go, girl!" insta-influencer, inspirational passion or amazing inner strength in life.

I'm single because I have been singularly unable to find someone, and that's pretty shit. I live my life because it's there, just like yours is. I am not off on wild weekends and travelling the world and dancing all night long without a care in the world. I have a mortgage to pay, a job to keep, all the bills and responsibility for everything on my shoulders.

It'd be really nice to have someone else to take the bins out, or get the food shop in, or just sit and watch TV with once in a while.

Single for over a decade, and I have mixed feelings. On a day-to-day basis I like doing my own thing, but I do have certain misty yearnings for the ideal partner. I'm also a bit piqued that nobody seems to want me in that way. I did have a brief marriage, but it was all very unhealthy - I latched briefly onto an unsuitable man because it felt like we were all playing musical chairs and the music was about to stop. One child later and I released ex back into the wild.

I’ve been single for the same amount of time

I don’t feel embarrassed by this I am fine with being single and fine being on my own I do not need anyone and find that empowering

Have had a few flings which I enjoyed. I would like to meet someone but not to live with them sex and friendship would be nice but not a full on relationship but if I don’t meet anyone I really want that with that fine rather be on my own than just be with someone because i then have someone

I sometimes get pissed off with the sympathy more often than not from women who are married to men who I wouldn’t even want a drink with never mind a relationship (but who knows they may have been charming at some point in the past love is blind and makes us foolish)