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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH telling really daft lie

75 replies

MaidofMuswell · 02/02/2020 23:17

DH and I going through rocky patch as he’s working v hard and never good at doing that and also remembering has a wife so been a bit selfish / absent for few weeks.

V sweetly gave me tub of bath salts today as gesture to say sorry as he knows I love a soak. Weird thing is, he told a whole story about how “the woman in John Lewis said they were the nicest in there” and it’s a tub from the champneys brand that I am pretty sure is only sold in boots.

He is a bit odd and unobservant and he just went a bit confused when I mentioned this and said he’d been on oxford st and thought was JL but there is a big boots there too. Maybe he think I’ll think it’s posher if comes from JL or something so was trying to make it seem like had spent more or something but a. That’s a bit odd anyway and b. The whole thing is just weird.

He’s always been a bit evasive and unreliable w timing etc and a few friends have asked if he’s possibly been having an affair (normally friends with husbands who have done so are bit alert to that as a risk) and I’ve always been confident he’s a good man who is just a bit hopeless in some ways but there’s something really weird about this I can’t pin down and I’m wondering if he’s got someone else to buy them or he’s bought different gifts and got the stories mixed up. I just can’t work out what it is that’s making me so uneasy about this.

OP posts:
SpamChaudFroid · 03/02/2020 09:00

Bath salts are Shock

RedskyAtnight · 03/02/2020 09:02

You’d remember which you’d bought from.

you would if you regularly shopped in either Boots or John Lewis and paid attention to this stuff. Some people just wander into a shop, pick something up, pay for it and wander out again. If I'm shopping in town and I've been in several shops, there's no guarantee I'll remember sometime later, exactly what I bought from which one, especially if I went in shops that sell similar items. I swore blind to DH that I'd bought DD's Christmas present from Boots, only to discover later (I found the receipt) that it was actually from SuperDrug. He accepted it was a simple mistake, and not that I'd been inventing some story. Which is kind of the point here - if OP thinks her DH is lying over something so unimportant, then her relationship is probably doomed anyway.

ShirleyPhallus · 03/02/2020 09:03

I think the bigger issue is your friends trying to alert you to the fact he’s having an affair. Could any of them know more than they’re letting on?

XXcstatic · 03/02/2020 09:04

The bath salts are irrelevant.
If multiple friends are hinting, and you're getting suspicious about little things, he probably is having an affair.
Friends don't hint about stuff like that unless they have a really good idea about it.

This. I'd go further and suggest that the friends wouldn't be mentioning an affair unless they actually know he is having one.

The lie about the bath salts is probably to cover up that they are cheap, and not related to the affair.

Iggly · 03/02/2020 09:05

Good friends wouldn’t hint about affairs.

Your spider senses are tingling for a reason OP.

Franticbutterfly · 03/02/2020 09:06

When I had the same nagging feeling, it turned out to be true but took me a couple of months to prove it. The truth will out. Stay alert.

Spidey66 · 03/02/2020 09:10

Off topic.....@MaidofMuswell judging by your username you must live near me....close to a North London landmark and the name of a pub where Perry Fenwick drinks?

ToEarlyForDecorations · 03/02/2020 09:12

The woman in John Lewis said they were the best.

Could he have gone to JL after purchasing the bath salts and some one said something nice about what he had already got ?

Ah, penny has just dropped. You got a gift from Boots. Some one else got a gift from JL. I think your husband has dropped a bollock.

Beefcurtains79 · 03/02/2020 09:13

Boots and John Lewis are not remotely similar in terms of look or layout on Oxford Street, plus Boots has massive ‘Boots’ signs on display everywhere you look.
I’d be suspicious too.

BigFatLiar · 03/02/2020 09:15

This is a good Mumsnet item...

Have you spoken to him about your concerns?

If he's having an affair you're better off without him
if he's not
He's better off without you, he shouldn't have to live with the suspicion.

Trahira · 03/02/2020 09:16

The JL / Boots thing wouldn't worry me in itself. Your friends asking is he is having an affair would worry me a lot. I'd never ask a friend this unless I had good reason to think so.

Sexnotgender · 03/02/2020 09:20

I’d listen to your inner voice and maybe do a little digging. Your friends think something is up. You think something is up.

It might be nothing but better to find out sooner rather than later.

GrimpenMire · 03/02/2020 09:22

Get digging and snooping OP. Spidey senses are there for a reason. You have seen his mask slip a bit.

You may come to see that bottle of bath salts as a true friend!

pauapaua · 03/02/2020 09:22

and it’s a tub from the champneys brand that I am pretty sure is only sold in boots.

They sell the Champneys range in Waitrose so it's not impossible that they sell it in John Lewis.

TatoTurner · 03/02/2020 09:25

A quick check of the JL website confirms that they do not sell Champneys. However, it's hardly impossible that he went into both stores and momentarily forgot which one he actually purchased your present from.

However - I personally wouldn't suggest to any of my friends that their husband could be cheating on them unless I was completely sure that they were...

deydododatdodontdeydo · 03/02/2020 09:31

DH bought me a present from one shop but told me it was from another = he's having an affair, in this weird MN parallel universe.

ShirleyPhallus · 03/02/2020 09:37

DH bought me a present from one shop but told me it was from another = he's having an affair, in this weird MN parallel universe.

Errrrmmmm no. Did you read the OP?!

Queen0fTheDamned · 03/02/2020 09:38

My local Waitrose has a Boots inside it. Does JL have a Boots maybe?

Queen0fTheDamned · 03/02/2020 09:39

I think the obvious answer is that he bought them on clearance though and tried to big it up that he was being cheap. I wouldn't assume affair at all because of this random thing. I'd look at the other things and go from there, take this out of the equation entirely.

ElloBrian · 03/02/2020 09:42

Queen - not the Oxford St one, no. It’s over the road.

PuppyMonkey · 03/02/2020 09:44

I can't comment on whether your DH is a knob/lying/having an affair etc but I will say that I could very easily get mixed up what shop I'm in re Boots, John Lewis and Debenhams - specifically when they have that layout where there are individual concessions for Clinique, Lancombe, Chanel etc etc. They're all quite similar looking in the cities near me, don't know about Oxford Street.

busybarbara · 03/02/2020 09:52

He’s a man, he doesn’t know or care what shop he was in and was probably saying whatever he thought would make you happiest. Plus if he’d really spent more money in a posh shop you’d be moaning he’d spent his overtime

LadyMadderRose · 03/02/2020 09:54

My ex definitely wouldn't have a cue which shop he was in, but I agree with PPs that if you have a niggling sense that something isn't right, that may be for a reason.

Do you know for sure he's working very hard, or do you only know that from him? If he has these busier times when he's more absent and less bothered with you, that could indicate affair/s - or it could be the nature of his job.

Giving you a present at all, when he's been unavailable like this, rings faint alarm bells with me but I'm a cynical old bat.

Bakedbrie · 03/02/2020 09:58

Friends don't hint about stuff like that unless they have a really good idea about it
This!

Shinyletsbebadguys · 03/02/2020 10:01

Hmmm I think this is one where it could go either way to be honest.

Whilst I'm a really big believer in trusting your instincts on the other hand that scenario could entirely happen in our house and be completely true.

My DP is very sweet and would very likely bring me a little treat in that sort of occasion (sort of the other way around at the moment as I'm working a lot and he knows I'm stressed so bought me some daffodils) but I guarantee you the man would definitely get boots and John Lewis mixed up. No he absolutely wouldn't look at the sign above the door he doesnt give a fig....they are not the sort of shops he gies in unless getting something for me, and sort of lumps them all in as womens shops. (For a very anti misogynistic man he gets really confused by the concept of makeup and bath stuff)

So the interaction in our house would just be me laughing, plus champneys is sold elsewhere definitely.

Really op only you know, it wouldn't flag remotely in our house but if you feel there is a reason for your instincts listen to it.

I would hold off on listening to your friends , I have some friends who see cheating everywhere ....one on particular who rang me to tell me she had seen DP going into a house nearby , it was a small care home and I was already inside as we were working together at the time .
She was convinced i was kidding myself even though i explained over and over , yes i knew he was coming to meet me professionally!!

People mean well but their advice is often coloured excessively by their own experiences, which is understandable but take it with a pinch of salt.

If you think he is cheating you need to identify if it's true but this is not evidence , not even remotely.

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