To state that Slim people can lack confidence too!

[DM1209]

Evening all, I posted a thread in Style & Beauty requesting advice, feedback and help in giving me an opinion on a dress I am contemplating wearing to a work related event. I included a picture of myself wearing the dress.

I got lots of really good advice, tips and ideas that I hadn't even thought of and some truly lovely compliments that absolutely were so nice to read and people were so very kind. I was grateful for all of the feedback and it helped.

The event in question is being attended by 6 of us from our law firm and I showed the thread to a colleague who is also attending as she asked me about it.

She has now come back to me and said that, her words, 'I know I look phenomenal in the dress...' (I REALLY don't think like that!) and I posted the thread 'just to get my ego stroked.'

She said I could never understand what it feels like to be overweight and struggle with all aspects of clothes buying due to having a bigger size.
I said that wasn't fair as I too struggled with confidence and being slim was not an indicator that I love how I look or that I know what suits me or what works for me in terms of body shape.
I also told her that actually slim people have hang ups and insecurities too and they don't affect a slim person any less than a larger person.

The joke is she is genuinely so, so confident and I admire her ability to be that way. I wish I could be like her.
You notice her as soon as you walk into a room because she is so warm and friendly. Whereas I prefer to melt into the wall.

I've also birthed 3 children, been huge during and after my pregnancies and being only 5ft 1, it showed!

AIBU here? I will talk to her when I see her tomorrow but I'm not really sure what I'll say....?

I'm also going to ask that my dress thread is removed, she may show it to others and now I feel silly for posting it.

Of course people of all sizes are affected by confidence issues in their bodies.
I do also think there are specific issues for larger people which are understood if you are slimmer, but it’s not very fair for your friend to launch into an argument about it.

*arent

Of course people can lack confidence at any size but the truth is if you are slim but lack confidence you are most likely the only person in the room judging you on your weight.

Also I would suggest not sharing MN threads with people you know in real life, she might have found it a bit boasty that you sent her a thread of people saying how lovely you look if she’s struggling to find a nice dress, which is why she went on the offensive.

Of course not all body confidence issues come from weight but I do think that being overweight is one of the very few physical attributes that come with such strong moral judgements from others. No one sees a big nose or short legs as a character flaw in the way some people view being overweight.

It does seem unfair of your colleague to criticise you like that though. It's perfectly believable that a slim person could want help finding a dress that looked good. I'm a size 4/6 and I have terrible style, no clue what looks best on me and not a great deal of confidence. If I had an important event to go I would ask for people's opinions on what to wear and I'd hate for it to be seen as fishing for compliments.

Regardless of why you are judged , it's still not a nice feeling. Just because a slim person might not get judged on weight, it still hurts to think of what else they'd be judging about.
Just because someone thinks someone else is fat, doesn't make it any less hurtful for someone to say another is ugly.

I don't know if I've worded that right.

She sounds jealous either way OP.

Im petite, slim and have seriously low self confidence.
Years of being called "anna" skeletor, bulimic, skinny bitch, not a real woman, bag-o-bones have destroyed my confidence.
Pregnancy didnt help my body confidence, now even the bits i liked have changed and i cant look at them, like my abs :(

Like you, i prefer to hide in the background, be invisible

I thought you just wanted to know if the dress fitted the occasion tbh. I didn't realise you had confidence issues. I didn't comment because other posters echoed my thoughts.

Yanbu, my self esteem was at its worst when I was at my thinnest (which also happened to be the reason I was so skinny actually), I did feel I looked good in clothes but my confidence was still a bit shit.

Your lack of self-confidence is not because of your weight, though. Your colleague might have all the same issues but is ALSO judged for her weight.

As someone who has run the gamut of weights, life is much easier, and people are much nicer, when you're slim. Sad but true.

Also, being pregnant is not the same as being fat. At all.

She hasn't responded very kindly but it was a bit weird of you to show her the thread.

I agree with your friend.

I’m 7 stone and I have terrible confidence issues with my looks. YANBU, people need to be aware that everyone no matter what their size can have confidence issues.

If you have confidence issues you wouldn't put your photo up to be judged by strangers.

I truly believe people of all shapes and sizes can have body confidence issues.

I don't think anyone suffering with this would ever put a photo of themselves onto a public website and ask for opinions, then share said thread with people in real life.

Why did you show it to her or tell her about it? I can see maybe why she thought you were trying to show off. If she has weight issues and struggles showing her s thread where people say you look great doesn't seem to be the most sensitive thing to do.

It's basically like receiving a compliment on loosing weight then rushing to tell your friend who is unsuccessfully dieting all about it.

OP never came back then...

Possibly didn't get the response she wanted. Or feels silly.

Can anyone link to the aforementioned thread please? I need to judge see the dress

OP said she is having the thread removed.

being slim was not an indicator that I love how I look or that I know what suits me or what works for me in terms of body shape

You can easily find fashionable stuff in your size though. That's a head start on a lot of larger people.

Being slim can also be synonymous with having a flat chest/flat bum/no hip to waist ratio etc so slim people can definitely feel insecure about their body. Being slim doesn’t automatically mean you have a flat stomach either, let alone abs etc

Why the hell would you show a thread to someone that’s about body image. And that you’re thin. And to someone who may or may not have dealt with weight.

Can you see how I insensitive that is? I mean I agree that everyone can have low self esteem. But you really think how you dealt with it is ok?? I mean really
I mean are you that insensitive

Wait. So you showed your colleague a thread that complimented you after saying you werent sure about the dress?

Can you not see how that can come across a little like your showing off? I can see your colleagues perspective.

That said, I think its a little generalistic to say 'no thin people have body confidence issues'.

The thread's still there but the photo isn't.

You can easily find fashionable stuff in your size though. That's a head start on a lot of larger people.

Actually I often find it hard to find clothes small enough for me as I need a size 4 on top and sometimes a size 4 on the bottom depending on the style. Not a lot of shops stock that. I can also never find bras with a small enough band size for me, particularly now I'm breastfeeding - nursing bras seem to have an even more limited range.

Also - due to my hobby (weightlifting) I wear a bra size that isnt stocked in most shops. Ive been into shops before and asked for it. One shop assistant actually said 'omg what an odd size you are'. Thanks.

Im not plus size, im about 10-12.