AIBU To expect my step kids to...

[Pringlesaremyspiritanimal]

... say hello when they arrive and goodbye when they leave? They’re 9, 11 and 13, have been with their dad for five years.

Of course YANBU. What is your relationship like with them?

Do you say hi and bye to them? If they just ignore you, when you say hi/bye, then YANBU.

But I think it's unreasonable to expect the kids to politely announce themselves and bid you farewell - they're kids!

It depends on what you are like with them.

I think I’m pretty nice - I say hi to them, I chat to them, am interested in what they’re up to.

We just took everyone swimming before dropping them back at their mums. They got out of the car and left without a word. It happens very often, I’m genuinely unsure if it’s unreasonable to expect more. I expect it of my DC

YANBU (but you are probably going to get people who say you are, and that ‘you knew what you were getting into’ when you decided to have a relationship with a man who has children...)

I would qualify this by saying they don’t need to all line up and sat bye... or when they are dashing off to school or whatever I would certainly not worry but on a Sunday evening when going back to mum I would YANBU.

My partners daughter is the same, she is almost 12 and if i didnt speak then she wont say a single word to me all day.

YANBU. It's just rude.

Imo withdraw from servant duties next visit. If df won't pull them up on manners then he gets to do 100 % of the parenting when they visit.

Of course you're not being unreasonable.They are rude. Have you or your husband not had a word with them about their terrible manners?

Maybe they feel disloyal to their mother if they are pleasant to you.

Yes it’s rude. How are they with you generally?

Were you the OW op?

If they're not rude to you generally then this is probably just an etiquette thing they haven't been taught - I remember my uncle's wife writing me off when I stayed with them because I didn't say good morning to her, I didn't blank her or anything I just didn't realise some people considered it rude to not say those specific words. They might just need a nudge.

If it is part of a wider rudeness problem then YANBU.

Depends on if you are the ow. If you were you destroyed their family and don’t deserve a hello.
If you didn’t then you probably deserve it but would be silly to expect it.

Do you pull them up on it?

"I said, hello"

Paddington hard stare.

Is it not just kids being kids? Sometimes stuff like this doesnt even occur to them and if they're excited to see their mum after a weekend at their dad's then they might forget to say goodbye as they dash off into the house. My own DC will sometimes come rushing in from school and thunder straight up the stairs without so much as a hello.

I'd just gently remind them "hello to you too!" or get their dad to remind them.

Do they say hi and bye to their dad?

It’s rude not to acknowledge you. He should be dealing with it but nothing stopping you from pointing it out to them.

Depends on if you are the ow.
even if she is the OW they've been to gather since the children were too young to have been told about it. And their father would have been the one that ruined their family and OP didn't mention them not saying hello to dad.

Why do posters always jump to the OW scenario on here ffs.

But when they got out of the car did you say goodbye to them? If you did, and they ignored you, then YANBU, and they should be pulled up on their manners by your DP. But if you didn’t say goodbye either, then tbh both sides equally to blame.

Does their dad not correct their manners?

Do they say please and thank you? I am very close to my nephews but sometimes they barrel in and out of the house without thinking, so toed up in their flurry of activity. Their parents correct them though.

He pulls them up sometimes but often I have to ask him to do it!

Family friend lives near their mums house and said she saw them out, said hi and they blanked her. So it’s not just me!!!

Were you the OW op?

For crying out fucking loud there's always one isn't there

My kid would be pulled up by their father if they behaved like that towards any adult