AIBU To expect my step kids to...

[Pringlesaremyspiritanimal]

... say hello when they arrive and goodbye when they leave? They’re 9, 11 and 13, have been with their dad for five years.

Yeah they’re just poor mannered if they do it to others as well. It’s up to their dad to correct them

Depends on if you are the ow. If you were you destroyed their family and don’t deserve a hello.

Even if OP was the OW, it's been five years so she would no longer be the 'other' woman and is instead 'the' woman. And it would have been their father who broke up the family seeing as he was the one who was married. Regardless of circumstances amongst the adults, the DC should not have knowledge of the ins and outs of it because they are children and they should at least be polite.

Regardless of circumstances amongst the adults, the DC should not have knowledge of the ins and outs of it because they are children

Most adults are too devastated or elated to hide the ins and outs. The children always know.

My DD (6) sometimes doesn't say hello or goodbye to DP or DSC. DD adores DP. She means no harm at all, but it does hurt his feelings.

Your DP needs to crack down on this and this thread is a good reminder for me to crack down on this in my house.

My step kids can still be like this with me and they are similar ages to yours. My OH reminds them every time they get to our house. Sometimes they remember. Sometimes they don't. I've developed a thicker skin these days. At first it used to really upset me

After some flashbacks and reflection op I would like to offer up some experience of this with my own dc..
When my ds's were going between 2 homes there was what I came to understand to be a a window of adjustment... When they came to me and left - their behaviour changed. As if acclimatising themselves to the change ahead. Different sibling positions in my dc's case. Ds went from middle dc to youngest at exh's.. Different house rules. Different expectations...
These were my own dc and it hurt. Try not to see it personally op. I don't think it was tbh...

Surely it's up to your DH to prompt this. To be fair if they;ve just arrived at the house I would think it was your responsibility to go and say hi to you rather than them seeking you out!

Either way not a huge deal is it?

If you say hello & they answer, surely you say 'bye' & they'll answer? I noticed friends children (all lovely people with nice kids) never said it unless I said it first, but as ive I modeled it, they've started doing it now. Tho they've all told the parents, 'CSIBlonde is SO polite'! I'm considered a bit old fashioned I think. They're all a bit more laid back on manners.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

I also think though that kids wouldn't say goodbye to most people without prompting. I sometimes drop my stepkids back to their mum with my OH and unless someone says "Say goodbye to Bibidy" they would usually just wander off to her car. They always say goodbye when I shout out and wave to them though.

It can feel hurtful but I really don't think it even crosses their minds. Kids are selfish creatures!

If they're ignoring you when you say hello/goodbye to them though then that's a different matter.

I don't really understand. If you're at home when the SC arrive surely you should come and great them (otherwise you're the one being rude)? Do you say hello and they ignore you? If not then I really think you're picking fault unnecessarily.

Depends on if you are the ow. If you were you destroyed their family and don’t deserve a hello.
If you didn’t then you probably deserve it but would be silly to expect it.

LOL is this for real???

My DC are like this with me and I’m definitely their biological Mother... I think some children are just like this, it’s probably nothing personal.

Depends on if you are the ow. If you were you destroyed their family and don’t deserve a hello.
If you didn’t then you probably deserve it but would be silly to expect it.

Jesus Christ, this is why mentioning you're a step parent on mns is pointless, if you're the OW, you should be shunned for all eternity by the children and if you're not then silly you for expecting manners.

On MN yes you're being very unreasonable in the real world no you're not at all

YABU to put expectations on them if the parent isn't reinforcing it.

12 posts in, were you the OW OP?

My partner’s son is like this. When he arrives I think he’s too caught up in what he wants to do with us and tell us about and play with that he genuinely forgets and his dad reminds him.

I've had this before with my SC OP. I honestly wouldn't take it personally. I usually just go 'Oh goodbye to you too then!!!' and they give me a grin and a sheepish wave goodbye I think for the most part it's kids being kids and just not thinking but you're right in that there's nothing wrong in pulling them up on it as well.

It is very rude and your DP should be pulling them up on it.

But if I was you, I would just take it in my stride...before they get out the car...'bye kids, see you on Thursday'. Set an example of politness for them to follow.