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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boss requested me to come into work, despite being off due to bereavement. AIBU or is he?

51 replies

ASPmum · 02/02/2020 18:43

I work Monday's and Thursday's as an office cleaner. My father passed away last Wednesday so I contacted the boss and let him know I wouldn't be in on the Thursday and why that was. I then said I would be in touch after the weekend to discuss when I'm able to return as I have to make arrangements and alot of things to sort out, as next of kin.

He has then contacted me today, at 6pm on a Sunday, asking if I can go and clean a different location that I've never had to clean before.

I don't work Sundays, never have.

I have children which they are aware of so I wouldn't be able to work at the drop of a hat as my childcare arrangements are tailored to my contracted shifts, even if I did want to go in.

I've just had a fucking bereavement.

I don't like the man so maybe I'm hyper sensitive to any form of CFery from him, but I'm not being unreasonable to think this is appalling am i?

How would you feel about this? Would you go or would you tell him to sod off?

I haven't responded, yet.

OP posts:
SnugStars · 02/02/2020 18:45

I’d probably ignore the message completely until you speak to him tomorrow as you said you would. He’s definitely a CF! Sorry for your loss.

MyNewBearTotoro · 02/02/2020 18:48

Could he have accidentally sent it to the wrong person? If you’re not due to work today I would completely ignore it and wait to speak to him tomorrow as planned.

Oldishusernewname · 02/02/2020 18:48

YANBU I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

Original poster
ASPmum · 02/02/2020 18:48

Thank you

I'm truly seething. What sort of sociopathic individual would that this is acceptable. I couldn't fathom have the audacity if I were in his position

OP posts:
Original poster
ASPmum · 02/02/2020 18:49

The message was definitely meant for me, he sent it on WhatsApp. He tried to gloss over his CFery by saying "it'll only be 3 hours max"

OP posts:
hammeringinmyhead · 02/02/2020 18:53

Is this supposed to be "making up" for missing Thursday or is it extra pay? Not that that matters, it's just even worse if it's the former.

Dows your contract have time off for bereavements? For immediate family it's a week at my place.

Karwomannghia · 02/02/2020 18:55

It’s completely out of order and very insensitive. Don’t reply and try not to let his insensitivity upset you even more at this vulnerable time.

Ohfrigginghellers · 02/02/2020 18:55

YANBU. You've just lost your dad. What an idiot your boss is.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 02/02/2020 18:56

I'd go as far as to respond with:

I'm afraid I am unable to do that X, as you are already aware, I am on bereavement leave.

Nothing further.

If you are brave enough.

P999 · 02/02/2020 18:57

Total fuck. Can't believe 4% voted otherwise. So sorry for your loss. Flowers

UpperLowercaseSymbolNumber · 02/02/2020 18:57

I’m sorry for your loss

When is he asking you to clean this other site?
Are you intending to work tomorrow?

Ilikewinter · 02/02/2020 18:57

Sorry for your loss.

Your boss is a total knob, I would just ignore the message and phone in sick tomorrow.

Doobydoo · 02/02/2020 18:59

YANBU op. So sorry xx

TheSquitz · 02/02/2020 18:59

Utterly despicable behaviour. YADNBU.

FuzzyAtmosphere · 02/02/2020 19:00

I’m sorry about your father. Flowers

I would say that even if your contract states you can be required to clean elsewhere and at short notice, you have already told him that you are unable to work up until and including today so YANBU. It’s best to reply politely though as now isn’t the time to lose your job as well - is just send back a simple “I’m still off sick so unable to do that. As stated, I will contact you tomorrow about my return.”

Original poster
ASPmum · 02/02/2020 19:02

He wanted me to go and clean this other site tonight, with very short notice it seems as it was 6pm when he text me.

So to add to the CFery not only is his request devoid of empathy he also expects me to be travelling around London late at night when there has just been a terrorist attack in my area. No thanks. Wanker

OP posts:
Original poster
ASPmum · 02/02/2020 19:05

I'm not planning on going in tomorrow either no, I wasn't sure when I spoke to him on Wednesday whether i would be up to it so I said I would be in touch on Monday (tomorrow) to discuss when I'm able to return.

I'm assuming working tonight is in addition to my contracted shifts next week and not in place of.

No idea what the bereavement leave consists of so I'll have to check the contract. I've only been with the company for three months

OP posts:
Bluetrews25 · 02/02/2020 19:05

Compassionate leave is at manager's discretion, I think? AFAIK there is no national set time. You may only get one day unless it is your partner or your child. I got 3 for my DMum.
Sorry you are going through this, OP.
You could convert it to sick leave if you need to.

Plumpplums · 02/02/2020 19:07

I'm sorry for your loss. Ignore him, it's the last thing you need to thinking about

Iusedtobeapartygirl · 02/02/2020 19:12

That's very insensitive, I would ignore until tomorrow.

Redglitter · 02/02/2020 19:14

Seriously how can 5% of people on the thread think the OP is being unreasonable

KidCaneGoat · 02/02/2020 19:16

Omfg.

Eckhart · 02/02/2020 19:18

You've said you won't be in contact with him until tomorrow, and he's agreed to this. You are under no obligation to spend any time at all considering his request or responding to it. Ignore it, and if he mentions it, tell him politely that you haven't even looked at your phone.

When you feel ready, find another job. He's not a good boss and you don't owe him anything. You do owe it to yourself to remain dignified though, despite his rudeness and insensitivity.

I'm sorry you've lost your father. Focus on what you need to right now, rather than seething about some stupid bloke with no empathy. You've got bigger things to do.

Frenchw1fe · 02/02/2020 19:20

My friend was asked by work to come in on the morning when her dm's funeral was in the afternoon. That was in the NHS. Most NHS managers I've ever met are prats though.

OutOntheTilez · 02/02/2020 19:20

Seriously how can 5% of people on the thread think the OP is being unreasonable

They must be bosses.

So sorry for your loss, OP Flowers