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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boss requested me to come into work, despite being off due to bereavement. AIBU or is he?

51 replies

ASPmum · 02/02/2020 18:43

I work Monday's and Thursday's as an office cleaner. My father passed away last Wednesday so I contacted the boss and let him know I wouldn't be in on the Thursday and why that was. I then said I would be in touch after the weekend to discuss when I'm able to return as I have to make arrangements and alot of things to sort out, as next of kin.

He has then contacted me today, at 6pm on a Sunday, asking if I can go and clean a different location that I've never had to clean before.

I don't work Sundays, never have.

I have children which they are aware of so I wouldn't be able to work at the drop of a hat as my childcare arrangements are tailored to my contracted shifts, even if I did want to go in.

I've just had a fucking bereavement.

I don't like the man so maybe I'm hyper sensitive to any form of CFery from him, but I'm not being unreasonable to think this is appalling am i?

How would you feel about this? Would you go or would you tell him to sod off?

I haven't responded, yet.

OP posts:
agonyauntie2020 · 02/02/2020 19:20

He is a heartless bastard. You are bereaved. I am so sorry OP. I agree with the many PP's who've said ignore his call, go to work when you have to, look for another job. Despicable behaviour on his part. It's your PARENT!

Original poster
ASPmum · 02/02/2020 19:23

I'm tempted to respond and say

"Hi 'John' did you send that to me in error? As per our conversation on Wednesday when I told you my father has passed, I let you know that I would be in touch on Monday to discuss my return"

Bloody arsehole

OP posts:
jaffaeclipse · 02/02/2020 19:24

You didn't check WhatsApp did you? So you can't possibly have seen his insensitive message.

Frenchw1fe · 02/02/2020 19:24

Sorry for losing your dad. Flowers

Ithinkitcouldbeme · 02/02/2020 19:29

What a dick. Just say

“Hi,
I’m not sure if there was a misunderstanding but I’ve just lost my dad, so I’m not in a position to be taking on extra hours. I’ll be in touch tomorrow as discussed previously, to discuss my return to work. I’d appreciate it if you could not bother me in the meantime while I’m grieving the loss of my father.”

StoutDrinker2019 · 02/02/2020 19:31

I'd leave. I know for a fact that cleaning cos struggle to get good people. So just move on to one of their competitors and good riddance!

GetUpAgain · 02/02/2020 19:31

I'm sorry for your loss.

I would reply saying 'Hello did you mean to send this to someone else, or does someone other than John cover this phone at weekends? My dad died on Wednesday so I am on bereavement leave for the foreseeable future. '

katseyes7 · 02/02/2020 19:32

That's totally insensitive and unprofessional.
l used to manage a team. On one occasion l had one member of staff off as his dad had died, and another who had lost his grandmother.
One of our senior managers came in and asked where they were. When l explained, he told me to ring the younger one who had lost his grandmother, and tell him to come in to work as we were short staffed.
l refused. l said that if he wanted the person to come in, then he should ring him. And that when l next saw the person, l'd be telling him to submit a grievance against the manager.
The phone call never happened and the member of staff got his bereavement leave.
l did once hear of a police officer who got so much grief at work when his mother died, that he only took three hours off for the funeral.
Have these people never had a close relative die? l appreciate that everyone copes with bereavement differently, but that's not to say that people's feelings shouldn't be taken into consideration.
Take sick leave if you need to, OP. Don't be bullied into going back to work too soon. x

Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 02/02/2020 19:33

I'm so sorry for your loss. Just leave the company and find another job elsewhere when you feel up to it.

Morporkia · 02/02/2020 19:37

Flowers sorry for your loss. Your boss is an asshole. YANBU x

CallmeAngelina · 02/02/2020 19:39

I'm sorry for your loss, also. Please try not to let this arsehole's insensitivity make a difficult time even worse.

Littlewelshridinghood · 02/02/2020 19:39

That's grim OP. Your boss is an insensitive fuckwit. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Most people I know, when loosing their parents/children/siblings are off work until after the funeral. YANBU

Beautiful3 · 02/02/2020 19:40

That's awful, it would make me want to change jobs.

Littlewelshridinghood · 02/02/2020 19:41

That's grim OP. Your boss is an insensitive fuckwit. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Most people I know, when loosing their parents/children/siblings are off work until after the funeral. YANBU

namechange8765456 · 02/02/2020 19:51

I'm a cleaner. I'd just fecking leave. Ten a penny, cleaning jobs for good cleaners.

You don't need this shit. Flowers

Sceptre86 · 02/02/2020 19:55

My fil does at the tail end of last year. I contacted my boss via email on the Sunday and said that I would not be in that week as my fil was on his deathbed. I contacted our hr department and let them know to take me off the plans. Fil died early hours of Monday morning. I rang my boss at the agreed time to tell him. I was off 2 days, the first being the day he died and the second was the funeral. I did not receive any pay for these days as it is at manager's discretion until I queried it with hr. I can understand if people take the piss but I have taken two days unpaid last year as son had chickenpox and that is it.

I would not answer his message and give him a call on Monday to discuss how long you are likely to be off. Hope you are coping ok.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 02/02/2020 19:56

I'm a cleaner. I'd just fecking leave. Ten a penny, cleaning jobs for good cleaners. You don't need this shit. flowers

That, with bells on. There’s no need.

Sceptre86 · 02/02/2020 19:56

*died

eddielizzard · 02/02/2020 19:57

So sorry for your loss Flowers

I wouldn't respond in anger. Wait until you feel calmer, and if that doesn't happen until tomorrow, check your contract for your compassionate leave provision and update him accordingly tomorrow. Life is too short to work for wankers. I personally would start looking for another job.

Replying in anger or sarcasm now won't do you any favours at all, although satisfying until the moment you hit send.

EmeraldShamrock · 02/02/2020 20:00

You're right it is appalling. I am sorry for your loss OP. Flowers
Some people are so self absorbed and desensitised these days.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 02/02/2020 20:00

My friend’s boss asked him to change his mother’s funeral and cremation because had an important team meeting to attend. He refused (they had been waiting for a slot at the crematory for 2 weeks) and... was fired.

There are some psychos with no empathy in this world...

strictlymomdancing · 02/02/2020 20:00

He's insensitive but I don't think bereavement leave is a legal requirement? At my place of work, you get one day off and that's it. Anything else is at manager's discretion and should be taken as annual leave or unpaid leave.

If you don't work Sundays, you don't work Sundays.

katy1213 · 02/02/2020 20:09

I wouldn't even reply. If he's short of cleaners, he's the manager - not your problem. You're not paid enough to worry.

Starlight456 · 02/02/2020 20:13

Obviously he is been unreasonable.

Think through what you want before replying.

Do you want the hassle of looking for a job right now ? Can you manage without the income .

I had a bereavement recently. I learnt a lot about the people around me mistly positive , some negative.
X
Sorry for your loss

EBearhug · 02/02/2020 20:27

I don't think bereavement leave is a legal requirement?

No, but there could be something in your contract. We get three days for parents, spouses or children. Otherwise, it's at manager's discretion.

Whether or not there's anything in your contract, doesn't stop him from being insensitive, unfortunately.

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