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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH to miss this conference?

44 replies

FraterculaArctica · 02/02/2020 14:55

I am on maternity leave with DC3. DS1 is 5, DD is 3. I have a job interview this coming week which needs a lot of preparation - was planning to do it this last week and the start of this coming week. We have all been hit by norovirus so DH was unable to look after the baby as planned and I have lost loads of my preparation time. Kids never asleep till 9 pm so little time in evenings.

The straw that has broken the camel's back is that DD has just had more copious diarrhoea - so no preschool for the next 2 days. I was planning to get on with interview prep tomorrow (with baby in sling), and on Tuesday I have to take Dbaby for hospital appointment. Can't do either of these with DD at home poorly. DH is due at a conference for the next 2 days. No family help available.

WwYd? Emergency nanny for 2 days? Insist DH cancels going to conference? Pull out of interview? (It's abroad and I've already had to postpone once). I am beyond stressed...

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 02/02/2020 15:03

Emergency nanny as you can be home and prep and not worry about the children. Presumably DH does need to attend the conference.

PennyGold · 02/02/2020 15:04

Definitely don't cancel the interview!
You'll figure something out, but cancelling the interview shouldn't be an option!
Good luck with the interview!

BlueJava · 02/02/2020 15:27

Who has paid for the conference? If it's his work then likely they won't get the money back and they wouldn't be too happy if he didn't attend.

BedraggledBlitz · 02/02/2020 15:30

What does DH suggest you do? I've never used an emergency nanny, sounds brilliant. Hope you get sorted.

ElderAve · 02/02/2020 15:32

This is what the TV is for, especially if they're feeling unwell anyway. A couple of days in front of the box won't hurt.

GertrudeCB · 02/02/2020 15:33

Emergency nanny. Good luck op Flowers

Flagg · 02/02/2020 15:35

What does your DH suggest? Only he really knows the stakes wrt conference attendance.

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2020 15:36

Do you think an emergency nanny is going to want to work in a house with norovirus?

Shylo · 02/02/2020 15:36

I doubt an emergency nanny wil like the idea of dealing with a sick child

Is your DH presenting at the conference? Does he have client meetings along side the conference? If not and he’s just going to attend seminars and network I’d say he should stay home to enable you to prep for the interview

hidinginthenightgarden · 02/02/2020 15:38

If the kids are sick they should be in bed. Make a bed on the couch and get your prep done.

BigPinkFlower · 02/02/2020 15:39

can you afford to lose 2 days of his salary? won't help be cheaper?

Original poster
FraterculaArctica · 02/02/2020 15:47

DH persuaded his employer to let him attend the conference, there is no cost other than his time. He is presenting a poster. I think emergency help would work out about the same cost as his loss of salary.

No chance of me keeping DD in bed, she has bad diarrhoea but is otherwise absolutely fine, eating loads.

He is suggesting taking the second day off and seeing if we can get FIL over to look after DD tomorrow.

He's now taken all 3 kids for a bit so going to get on with some work...

OP posts:
Grobagsforever · 02/02/2020 15:48

@bigpinkflower - the DH could use paid leave!

OP - in my industry most conferences are a jolly unless presenting so him missing it would be my first choice

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2020 15:56

If she has bad diarrhea, I don't think her eating loads is going to help.

Original poster
FraterculaArctica · 02/02/2020 15:57

@WorraLiberty you should see this child scream and tantrum if denied food... Anyway we thought she had had it mildly and was over it, till there was her worst episode yet this lunchtime.

OP posts:
bengalcat · 02/02/2020 15:58

Emergency nanny .

sonjadog · 02/02/2020 16:06

I would see if you can do as he suggests with FiL one day and him the second day. I presuming he is presenting on day one? If that doesn't work, then it does sound like he will have to pull out. Can someone else present for him?

namechange34 · 02/02/2020 16:11

I've used emergency nannies for sick children before - surely that's the majority of their business and they are well aware of the reason before they accept the job! My work paid for it as a perk but I saw the bill for the agency and it was £250 per day for 8-6.

DartmoorChef · 02/02/2020 16:13

Anyway we thought she had had it mildly and was over it, till there was her worst episode yet this lunchtime

Well if she keeps eating then it's not going to get better quickly..

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 02/02/2020 16:14

I doubt an emergency nanny wil like the idea of dealing with a sick child

Having been an emergency nanny for years I can assure you that a good chunk of our work is sick kids. Hence why we charge more then a day to day nanny hourly rate

ElloBrian · 02/02/2020 16:19

The importance of conferences varies wildly depending on the profession / industry so I think we need more context before we can judge I’m afraid. If he’s presenting a poster then I assume he’s an academic? What stage of his academic career is he at? If he’s quite early then presenting a poster can be quite a big opportunity, depending on the importance of the conference.

ElloBrian · 02/02/2020 16:20

(Whereas in my industry attending a conference for a day means sitting through some very waffly sessions, having coffee with a couple of colleagues or business contacts, and enjoying a nice lunch. Easily missable with no possible career damage done)

LizzieVereker · 02/02/2020 16:22

Don’t let her eat if she has diarrhoea! It will only cause her far more problems if you prolong it just to avoid a tantrum. DH’s solution does sound the most reasonable to be honest.

Selfsettling3 · 02/02/2020 16:24

It’s standard medical advice to eat when you feel hungry for children with any tummy bug.

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2020 16:25

WorraLiberty you should see this child scream and tantrum if denied food...

Then let her scream and tantrum for goodness sake. YOU are the parents here.

Before anyone takes that out of context, I'm not talking about starving her, just not letting her 'eat loads'.