To ask DH to miss this conference?

[FraterculaArctica]

I am on maternity leave with DC3. DS1 is 5, DD is 3. I have a job interview this coming week which needs a lot of preparation - was planning to do it this last week and the start of this coming week. We have all been hit by norovirus so DH was unable to look after the baby as planned and I have lost loads of my preparation time. Kids never asleep till 9 pm so little time in evenings.

The straw that has broken the camel's back is that DD has just had more copious diarrhoea - so no preschool for the next 2 days. I was planning to get on with interview prep tomorrow (with baby in sling), and on Tuesday I have to take Dbaby for hospital appointment. Can't do either of these with DD at home poorly. DH is due at a conference for the next 2 days. No family help available.

WwYd? Emergency nanny for 2 days? Insist DH cancels going to conference? Pull out of interview? (It's abroad and I've already had to postpone once). I am beyond stressed...

Bananas, apples, rice, and toast are suggested foods if you have diarrhoea as they’re relatively low fibre and non irritant. (I know this isn’t what you asked but hope it helps anyway!)

Defo BRAT diet as pp said!

Yes, what holidaycountdown said - no fat, Bananas, boiled or steamed Rice, cooked Apples (or pears) and dry Toast is the way to go. Fat irritates an already irritated gut lining and perpetuates the diarrhoea and feeding her loads just puts more pressure on her system.

The BRAT diet is standard for D&V - follow that and it should sort her out pretty quickly. ALways works for me!

I remember my mum ‘starving’ me for 8 hours following sickness/diarrhoea as a kid (apparently my aunt did 24 hours for my cousins!!) and I remember it being bloody miserable. As an adult I’ve always eaten a small amount as soon as I fancied it - usually just bread or plain pasta - and I don’t believe sickness or diarrhoea have lasted any longer than they did when I was starved as a kid.

I think it really depends on the type of conference as to whether it's reasonable for him to miss it- some I attend are free and are basically a bit of a networking opportunity, others are more akin to training events and are quite expensive to attend.

I'm taking on board what you're saying about the diet, will try that. But that doesn't change the fact that she can't go to preschool for the next 2 days - and that's my window for getting the work done, and taking the baby to his hospital appointments.

In this situation I’d ask DH not to go.

I wouldn't pull out of the interview, but similarly please let the nanny know that DD has been poorly so she can make the decision whether to take the job or not. If it's not feasible then it seems sensible that he cancels his conference.

In my industry, a conference is a valuable networking opportunity and potentially a chance to be the first to hear new data or guidelines so perhaps not something to be missed. I think anyone could present a poster though.

I wouldn't make DH miss the conference. If he doesn't go his employer won't fund any more conferences, especially if he had to persuade them this time.

Get an emergency nanny and see it as an investment for your future.

I've had to do this sometimes and honestly, emergency nannies are used to dealing with sick kids.

If it is just a poster presentation I would ask him to miss it - posters tend to be a bit of a sideshow.

If he was presenting a paper or a key note speaker then that would be more problematic

Is there anyone else from DH's work who could go instead? If it really has to be him them get an emergency nanny.

Thing is he's really going to present his PhD research and network, the company are supportive but it's sort of incidental to them.

We've agreed he'll miss the Tuesday and I'll cover tomorrow. Might get a couple of hours work done if I can synchronise the baby sleeping with some Peppa pig for the preschooler!

Oh god if he’s presenting his PhD and so forth then surely it’s vital ?

Yes, in that case he really has to go.

He should go if that's what he is doing.

This is one of those situations where letting a 2 year old watch videos on an iPad will do no harm.

I've never heard of refusing food when a child wants it just because they have diarrhoea? Where have people heard this?

If he's an academic and knows anyone else at the conference then ask them to stand next to poster and hand his business card out for more info so they can contact him direct, or add a QR code to the poster.