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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not click with boyfriend's sister

63 replies

Treetop5456 · 02/02/2020 13:32

We've been together 5 months so far (still new) but i just feel i havent clicked with his sister.
I'm 25 and she's 26 but i find her "bossy",
It always feels like she's having a go at her brother (my boyfriend) for little reasons,
For example,
He got a new job and had to go to an induction day, the day he was supposed to look after his baby sister (who is 15) and her first response was "i have a party that day, what am i supposed to? I cant babysit" rather than congratulation,
Boyfriend's car broke down when he was supposed to be picking up his baby sister (15 yr olds)from his sister's (the 26 yr old's house) about an hour away so he rang sister to let her know and she ranted about how she has a meal to go to and cant believe he cant pick her up,
I was then on the phone to her whilst he was speaking to AA, boyfriend told me to tell his sister to let his 15 yr old sister get the train home (it's a simple train, just straight home, and the train station is next to her house),
She snapped at me and said "im not letting my 15 yr old sister get the train home" and then hung up,
She brought the sister home and had a massive argument with boyfriend.

There's more but i find her a bit much!

OP posts:
Original poster
Treetop5456 · 02/02/2020 13:35

I just find being around her uncomfortable and awkward yet I get on with the rest of his family

OP posts:
FraglesRock · 02/02/2020 13:36

Get his mum to sort arrangements. Seems a lot of arrangements for a sister

Itsnotalwaysme · 02/02/2020 13:36

Sounds like shes very reliant on her brother and will be jealous his time will be taken up elsewhere...

elenacampana · 02/02/2020 13:37

She does sound OTT, it would get on my nerves too. 15yr olds shouldn’t need babysitting/ferrying around really. However, you haven’t been together long and she has years of history with her brother so I would be keeping my mouth shut and letting them get on with it.

Original poster
Treetop5456 · 02/02/2020 13:37

His parents were on holiday during this time which is why his sister and him were arranging things,
But it just feels my boyfriend can do not right from wrong

OP posts:
Original poster
Treetop5456 · 02/02/2020 13:39

I think it is the train situation which annoyed me, she sounded disgusted when i suggested the train like a "how could you even suggest a 15 yr old can get a train by themselves",
I've seen loads of teenagers get the train by themselves Hmm

OP posts:
elenacampana · 02/02/2020 13:40

Maybe he can’t do right from wrong OP, but again, it’s his problem. Not yours.

ManonBlackbeak · 02/02/2020 13:40

YABVU got referring to a 15 year old as a ‘baby’!

But other than that YANBU she sounds like a twat.

onanothertrain · 02/02/2020 13:41

Maybe he is usually unreliable, maybe she thinks he's backtracking on things he was supposed to do and she has to pick up the pieces. Or maybe she doesn't like you or is jealous. Does it really matter? You don't have to click with her, she's your boyfriends sister, you don't need to be pals.

elenacampana · 02/02/2020 13:41

She should be getting the train by herself if she’s near the station and doesn’t have to walk through anywhere dangerous.

Original poster
Treetop5456 · 02/02/2020 13:41

Yes it's his problem and i'd never snap at his sister, I just leave them to it but i just feel awkward when she's snapping at him over every little thing and he gets really frustrated by it,
For example, when he said about his new job and her first reaction was to snap,
We went in the kitchen and he said something along the lines of "see cant even be happy for me"

OP posts:
Original poster
Treetop5456 · 02/02/2020 13:42

Sorry, i dont call her "baby sister" in real life,
I was trying to think of a way to distinguish the 2 sisters,
I should have called her "younger",
Applogises

OP posts:
JKScot4 · 02/02/2020 13:46

Why is 15 yr old being babysat and ferried about?

Original poster
Treetop5456 · 02/02/2020 13:48

I wonder the same thing but his parents are quite overprotected - shes not allowed to stay home alone,
My boyfriend was told off once because he was looking after he for the weekend and we went to the cinema on the saturday about 5pm and she didnt want to come,
But then she told his parents and he got in trouble for "leaving her home alone",

OP posts:
Original poster
Treetop5456 · 02/02/2020 13:50

After the car breakdown, his younger sister arrived home and was shouting at my boyfriend about how I shouldve picked her up in my car and she doesnt get why i didnt
(I was broken down with my boyfriend so dont get how i'd magic a car up)

OP posts:
RedRed9 · 02/02/2020 13:51

She sounds like an idiot but leave it to your boyfriend and his family to deal with.

(The word you’re looking for is ‘youngest’.)

Original poster
Treetop5456 · 02/02/2020 13:51

I do, just needed a little rant! Grin

OP posts:
elenacampana · 02/02/2020 13:52

My in-laws threatened to come back from Australia while they were on holiday once because of a minor incident. The brother phoned them (in tears) about my husband leaving the cat alone for a couple of hours too long. I was totally baffled by the whole thing. It seemed so OTT to me, I think it would to most people.

That’s in-laws though - they make no sense half the time!

TheMustressMhor · 02/02/2020 13:54

I'm not sure why she is treating you like this, OP.

Maybe she is jealous of her brother having a happy relationship? I don't know.

Carry on being pleasant to her. Let your BF do the arguing (if arguing is ever necessary).

ThreeAnkleBiters · 02/02/2020 13:54

I'd try to let it flow over you as much as possible. She does sound annoying but it's very difficult to change established family dynamics. Best you can do is leave your boyfriend to deal with her.

SmudgeButt · 02/02/2020 13:55

So both of his sisters shout at him? I bet his mom does too! Sounds like a pattern in the family. If you like him I'd calmly discuss moving somewhere very very far away if you plan on having a peaceful life.

then again maybe that will make you look as bossy as them....

LagunaBubbles · 02/02/2020 13:59

After the car breakdown, his younger sister arrived home and was shouting at my boyfriend about how I shouldve picked her up in my car and she doesnt get why i didnt

So what did your boyfriend do when this 15 year old sister shouted at him? She sounds spoiled and he sounds as if he let's both his sisters walk all over him.

TheHouseWithTheBambooDoor · 02/02/2020 14:01

I think the aibu here is a bit coy - probably what you really want to know OP, is if we think she sounds as unreasonable and unpleasant as you find her.

His family do sound like hard work - you don’t have to be best friends with them but I’d also avoid taking on his cause and returning the undertone of hostility in kind (not suggesting you necessarily would, but can see how they require tolerance and biting your tongue).

It might all turn out to be a storm in a teacup. You’re all very young too and people change and grow up.

I’d aim to remain as neutral as possible about it all, but be a supportive ear if your boyfriend feels he wants to talk about it.

Original poster
Treetop5456 · 02/02/2020 14:09

Thanks everybody, my boyfriend and I were actually on the way to pick his younger sister up when the car broke down so we couldnt fathom why they were hanging up the phone on us and having a go at us when we have no control over a car breakdown

OP posts:
Dragonembroidery · 02/02/2020 14:21

My 15yo DD wouldn't be put on a train on her own either.
I think you are unreasonable.
He has family commitments. Should he drop his family just because you're around now. Family commitments are not more his sisters, than his. Sexist much.

Also girlfriends come and go but siblings are family forever.

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