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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Quality time for partner unreasonable demands

28 replies

Numum23 · 01/02/2020 20:13

23

We had a beautiful baby girl six weeks ago. It was a really rough pregnancy and I was aware that I was constantly moaning about feeling poorly. I am now feeling much better and constantly improving. My partner spoke to me about needing some quality time a few weeks ago. He said he understood that We had the baby and was exhausted but still needed that time. From my point of view I have given him as much time as I can. This weekend he ended the relationship as he said I was unable to give him what he needed with regards time and that it wouldn't change anytime soon so we would always end up at the same place- with him wanting my time. Who has been unreasonable here? I feel that I have given him all I have at the moment.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 01/02/2020 20:15

Was the baby planned?

He clearly doesn't understand parenthood.

MargotLargot · 01/02/2020 20:16

By “time”, did he mean sex?

FirmlyRooted · 01/02/2020 20:17

Your partner left you with a 6 week old because you don't give him enough time?!?! That is unbelievably childish and immature.

You're focusing on a brand new tiny baby, he should be able to look after himself. Also, what is he doing to look after the baby, taking care of housework, looking after you?

Wifeofbikerviking · 01/02/2020 20:18

What..that's shocking. 6 weeks after giving birth your entire focus is that new beautiful baby. Yes of course he is very important but it's all consuming feeding, caring for, protecting baby. I doubt there us head space for much else. Couple time will come but it is very normal for the first few months for romance etc to take a backseat

Waxonwaxoff0 · 01/02/2020 20:19

What a selfish man. YANBU.

PatellarTendonitis · 01/02/2020 20:20

You're well shot of him. It takes a really high degree of immaturity to still be putting himself and his need for fucking 'quality' time when his partner had a rough pregnancy and gave birth 6 weeks ago. Someone this attention-seeking is not a good parent. How pathetic can you get, whining like a toddler when you've got a newborn baby. He's a loser.

NoooorthonerMum · 01/02/2020 20:21

Unless there's way more to this that mentioned it sounds a bit like he's a selfish, man child who can't stand not being the centre of your attention.

Ayemama · 01/02/2020 20:21

I know that it might not feel like this right now but if he's that childish and selfish to think that you can just leave a 6 week old somewhere so he can get quality time then you are much better off without him.in the long run.

PrincessSarene · 01/02/2020 20:22

Quality time together is important and difficult when you have a small baby. How much was he talking about? Was it a case of half an hour once or twice a week, or more like an hour or two every day? Assuming it was more like the latter, and it certainly sounds like he was asking for more than was possible, then YANBU.

Also agree with a PP, by quality time did he mean sex? Or uninterrupted conversation etc.?

I think regardless of the answers to the above, then he clearly wasn’t in the same page as you and he wasn’t being supportive, and you may be better off without a partner that isn’t supporting you.

CakeandCustard28 · 01/02/2020 20:22

What did he expect? The nanny fairy to magically take care of the baby when they were born? YANBU op, what a pathetic excuse of a so called man! Flowers

Wearywithteens · 01/02/2020 20:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

LowcaAndroidow · 01/02/2020 20:26

Sure, quality time is important - I assume he was doing at least 50% of the housework and baby care when he was home so you had enough time to rest and recover from the birth so that you'd be able to spend time with him? Getting up in the night with the baby, letting you have a lie-in at the weekend?

Ginfordinner · 01/02/2020 20:29

IMO it sounds like you are better off without this selfish arsehole. I assume the baby wasn't planned?

Original poster
Numum23 · 01/02/2020 20:29

I don't think he meant sexually. I personally felt it may just be an excuse to get out of the relationship. I also have two other children so just palming them off on someone or telling them to get on and preoccupy themselves just isn't an option I felt comfortable with. Thanks for the feedback, it's good to have reassurance on what I am feeling. I don't think we will hear from him again. He has deleted me from all social media and is ignoring my messages.

OP posts:
Original poster
Numum23 · 01/02/2020 20:30

No the baby wasn't planned in fairness

OP posts:
ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 01/02/2020 20:31

As other have said quality couple time is important, but my god is almost impossible with very little ones, and not much easier as they get bigger. Unfortunately for him, the children will always come first, as they should but as they get older it does get easier to squeeze in some time for each other.
It’s actually a topic that DH and I discuss a lot as we have 2DC, a 3yo and a 10 month old, we almost never have couple time and even when we plan some 50% of the time it inevitably goes tits up, but that’s being a parent! It’s shit at times but we still adore each other and are always planning that next moment of couple time.

Your ex sounds like a bell end!

Wearywithteens · 01/02/2020 20:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

MissBPotter · 01/02/2020 20:37

WTAF he has ended the relationship because he can’t bear to compete with a baby for your attention.... wait, his own daughter?!?!

I have to say it is incredibly trying on your relationship to have a small baby and when tied with a difficult pregnant, things are very tough. However, I wouldnt have much respect for a grown man who ends things after 6 weeks of a baby’s life, when you no doubt need some help and support and he should accept that he is no longer number one.

1Morewineplease · 01/02/2020 20:37

Wow.
He’s left you with children including a six week old baby.
And he has blocked you??? The mother of his children!!!
Just wow.
I’m really hoping that you have some support from family and friends .
My heart goes out to you.
Please , if you can, get some legal advice.
💐

Lifeisabeach09 · 01/02/2020 20:46

Good riddance to him, OP.
You don't need this man. He really has shown you how pathetic he is.
Focus on you, baby and your other children and forget him.

Honkingallthewaytothebank · 01/02/2020 20:50

What a prick.

RedWine123 · 01/02/2020 20:52

Hey, really sorry to hear this has happened.

The man is weak. 6 weeks is nothing. Being parents = sacrifice of time and so many other things, with amazing gains. It’s life. He’s delusional and has left you and baby when you need him the most. Stay strong and do not blame yourself. Xxx

TheBigFatMermaid · 01/02/2020 20:57

Oh bless you. It's as well he left now, rather than upset a 4 year old child...

Winterwoollies · 01/02/2020 21:03

I can’t believe an adult male can behave that way. What an immature, pointless waste of skin. I can’t believe he blocked you. His brand new child’s mother. I just can’t fathom the idea that you won’t hear from him again.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 01/02/2020 21:05

I'm sorry that you have been so badly let down. For now I think you need to concentrate on the practicalities, rather than dwelling on his weakness. That means setting up proper maintenance payments and arranging contact (likely to be little and often at this age, building up to more frequent later, and at this stage in your home especially if you are breastfeeding). If you are returning to work after maternity leave then there will probably be different childcare arrangements to make too. Make a list (housing, bills to be changed into your name if needed, CMS, moving his stuff out etc). It needs to be done anyway, but mostly it will distract you and give you something to focus on in order to get through the day.

You can do this. It's unfortunate that you have to do it without him, but you are strong and you can do this. Is there anyone you can confide in? Don't feel like you have to hide what has happened, or make excuses for him. He has let you down badly and doesn't deserve it.