Asking husband to take DC out once a week?

[bookishtartlet]

For context, I work 4 days as a teacher, husband works 5 days 9 to 5, partly at home, partly at the office. Short 15 min drive to work for him.

I've recently been resentful of how little time i get on my own in the house. We have one preschool age son, who is a joy but full on.

I asked DH to take son out today directly. Usually i drop hints, but I've been working on asking people for what i need.

I need to finish some bits for work this weekend. We don't have a big house, my husband is noisy. Really noisy. Stomping about, banging in to stuff, coughing, throat clearing, music on in the kitchen, TV on in the living room. Son brings his own noise too obviously. I can't work very well with all of this going on. I asked husband to take son to his activity today, they'd be outfor an hour tops. He took him last week as i had some family health issues i needed to deal with, so said it was my turn.

This would be fair enough if i hadn't taken son the last few weeks, which i was happy enough to do as i wasn't particularly needing to do anything else.

DH has no idea of my mental load, I've told him repeatedly but its just not going in. I deal with all household bills, he only needs to transfer money to the account they come out of. This amount doesnt quite cover our actual expenses but near enough. I earn more than him, despite working less hours. I organise all appointments for son, clothes, presents, nursery and now school things for next year such as registering, transitions, theme days at nursery. He will do dishes and hoover and some laundry on his days working from home, but i do literally everything else: bathrooms cleaned, windows, folding and putting away clothes, cleaning out old stuff, cleaning sofas curtains, bedding changes etc. All the usual shit. Im not a natural house wife, so i hate every second.

I am the stricter parent in regards to screen time, sugar intake before bed so my son does see me as the fun killer at times.

Im just so pissed off. I wanted an hour to finish work. I can go out and DH will stay happily at home, the two of them watching TV or whatever, but i just need some head space. Ive just flounced out the door to sons activity and i feel so petty and childish, but fucking hell. He gets so much time to himself. He doesn't see that hes done anything wrong as in his eyes he contributes. He does, but im carrying all the bitch work here.

What can i say to get him to listen???

If he wants to take turns then list all household chores and force him to take turns.

He is a common or garden selfish, lazy man.
Read about them all the time on mumsnet.
YABU for putting up with it.
So what are you going to do about it?

God OP, this sounds bloody awful ☹️☹️

No wonder you're stressed, miserable and even his breathing now irritates you.

The point of having a life partner is just that - they partner you, to give support and share the load. They don't have to share in exactly the same way as you do them,, but they do have to take some of the load off across the mental, emotional, physical and financial spheres.

I imagine you don't find him very attractive on any level and I'm not surprised.

Just stop doing a lot of the stuff you do and see what happens. Also maybe nip out yourself and leave your kid behind when he is home. There is no rule that as mum you have to take the kid. Just walk out as well. What if you want to do gym too? Book gym and leave him with the baby and yes 3 times a week!

Just to give you some perspective. I read your post and a lot of what you say is like mine and DH relationship. We also have one pre-schooler. I work part time but earn more same as you.

DH works mom-fri. I do majority housework and take care of all the bills. I pay DS nursery fees but everything else financially is shared equally.

However, thinking about it, we take turns doing bedtime routine, lie in on weekends, nursery pick up.

DH very rarely takes DS out by himself but he regularly tells me to go upstairs and have done me time or go out. DH just prefers to spend one on one time at hone I guess. He is lazy so can never really be bothered to take DS out alone and is happy to play at home.

My DH isn’t perfect but your situation does sound worse. Would your DH be happy if you were to just go out for a few hours to meet a friend and leave them to it at home? It doesn’t sound like your DH pulls his weight.

I feel your pain op. My H is the same. One of the reasons why we only have 1DS. I wasn't sill enough to end up with 3 kids to run around after.

But, although he had the easy time, now that DS is older it's DS and me with the close relationship and shared memories. And several single parent friends that we hang out with and go on holiday with. H is now quite left out. But it was clearly his choice and he ignored the numerous times I brought it up.

@AnneElliott, clever woman not to keep having children with someone who wasn't interested in parenting with you. 👍