To wonder why people can't just do what they want

[Orangeblossom78]

Why do people get so hung up on what others are doing and what is 'normal'. For example there are people asking how often they need to wash / what they need to eat for example. I don't understand why people can't just do stuff they want to without asking how others do it. It happens quite often on here about simple tasks for example. is it a kind of anxiety / need for reassurance? Surely it is quite easy to just do this stuff for yourself going by how you feel afterwards? Why the need to do as others do..

This is why I'll never understand baby name opinion threads. "What do you think of names x, y or z for our ds?" Why does it matter? Pick a name you like.

It's anxiety/need for reassurance. Some people are like sheep and need to know they are part of the flock.

Judging by people on the train etc who smell appallingly, or overweight people without medical conditions - some people need a guide to follow as they genuinely don’t know.

In theory I agree with you OP. But we are social animals, so we do have an inbuilt need to fit in with the rest of the pack.

Does it not just then add to the anxiety when others come back saying they do all sorts of stuff differently though?

Surely thats what mumsnet is for

That’s kind of how society works. We all need to know where the boundaries of “normal” are so we can function in society. If people suddenly started behaving in the normal way for 1558 in 2020 they would not survive.

Same with dress. Went to a bar to meet a group of people I used to work with, two of whom txt me asking what I was going to wear on pretext of wearing something similar. Fair enough on big social events to check out dress code, but just meeting in a bar mid week?

I guess it is how advertising works too. Plays on people's insecurities. "You can be normal if you get this thing" Or 'better'

I think it's just boredom. I haven't any work on at the moment, so this sort of nonsense is a good way of avoiding housework.

If you have been brought up well with lots of good examples and opportunities and been taught to trust your own mind you have more confidence that you just know how to behave and it works well. If you're aware that your upbringing was lacking and what you were taught might be wrong or not the best way to handle stuff or you were controlled instead of empowered you end up questioning basic things and needing to relearn as an adult, skills that other people take for granted. That's when asking mumsnet can be handy to learn eg hygiene/ housework/ assertiveness/ style/ budgeting/ parenting etc.

I think it is partly because rigid social norms have broken down. People used to live in smaller communities so their would be much clearer social pressure on behaviour. Things like clothing were more segregated by class and occupation and choice was more limited. Entertainment would be more divided by sex and class.

Wider opportunities and more choices makes social navigation more tricky.

Because sometimes it is hard to judge the balance between individual liberty and how that affects society at large.

Humans are curious and like to follow the crowd so it would make sense to enquire how everyone else lives their lives.

Tbh I think most of it is boredom/idle pondering. But YANBU. It is irritating to see the same (how often do you wash towels ) threads over and over again.

This is why I'll never understand baby name opinion threads. "What do you think of names x, y or z for our ds?" Why does it matter? Pick a name you like.

Yep. Totally agree. Names are such a personal thing. I’ve seen people put up lists with 5 completely different names. Where are you supposed to start with that? Like “Harry, Jimbo and cloud”

It's only on Mumsnet that I've noticed full grown adults who somehow managed to have children and hold down jobs but can't make a simple decision about how to feed, dress or wash themselves and their child. It's appealing and quite concerning for the children who have these sorts of parents. I go on other Internet forums and hardly see the same amount of incompetency i do on Mumsnet

It is what happens when life is

A) Far too comfortable

B) Seeing what everyone else is doing on social media.

People living in wartime in the 30s and 40s here were preoccupied with not being blown to bits or having the country invaded.

Life has just got too comfortable.

This is why I'll never understand baby name opinion threads. "What do you think of names x, y or z for our ds?" Why does it matter? Pick a name you like.

I agree with that.

I was baffled by the help we dont have names threads when the woman is pregnant, not due for several weeks and plenty of time.

The anxiety over having a name , 2 middle names and a pre chosen nickname before the baby arrives is a joke.

You can never please everyone as everyone has a different idea of what is "normal" or what is "right."

If your actions are negatively affecting you or the people around you then they should be changed. If they're not, then just do what is best for you.

*People living in wartime in the 30s and 40s here were preoccupied with not being blown to bits or having the country invaded.

Life has just got too comfortable.*

Yes, how dare we not live in war torn country

ITA, I don't know how some posters would function without MN, the inability to make simple decisions without consulting the internet is worrying.

crispysausagerolls

Judging by people on the train etc who smell appallingly, or overweight people without medical conditions - some people need a guide to follow as they genuinely don’t know.

Overweight people have no relevance to a discussion on why some people feel the need to ask for permission to do things.

Mind games. You are either a sheep, loyally following who you think you should follow, bleating the same mantra, or............you are more an individual. Just how individual you choose to be can vary. Coming up with a new look, or a new idea, a new design is relatively easy. It’s to what extremes you take it, and what underlying motives you are hoping to achieve that can make or break you. The sheep who latch on will think the sun shines out of your @rse, others make take it to a dangerous new level, other individualists will take a look, give it a glance, and then go their route.
It’s how someone like Gwyneth Paltrow can peddle the guff that she does. Gwynnie is lead sheep, glossy wool, well fed, more money than sense really. Then all the little Gwynnie lambs baa in love and adoration, following her weird ideas of what to shove up their fanny next. While the men fall about in helpless laughter.......

Never been a sheep..........always gone my own way. But sensibly, not too wildly!😁

I love finding out what other people do - what their 'norm' is. I think it's fascinating and can be helpful for anxious people who think maybe they're weird in a certain way they do things, until a pile of posters say "I do that too!" or "no, I don't hoover every day either", that sort of thing. As it's anonymous it's obviously easier to ask here than ask 'real life' people. I understand why posters ask for anonymous views on baby names before they launch them into the wild!

I treat MN as a diverse group of mates who will tell it like it is, have a laugh or be supportive as appropriate.

It's also an excellent source of how (mostly) women of all ages and situations think and live today. Living social history. I love it!